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Davidu

By Davidu
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Davidu

Davidu

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Oh.. sorry, I wasn't paying too much attention.

Well... yes, they are inane... as I said... it is part of the fun...

Anyway... let's close this subject.

De gustibus non disputandum.

Dragoon Knight

Dragoon Knight

Posted
Posted

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman; all running away from the police.  They come to the docks, and spot some empty barrels.  They quickly climb in to escape detection.

Soon enough, the police catch up.  They notice the barrels, and begin to check them.

The first policeman knocks on the first barrel.

"Anyone in there?!" he shouts.

"Woof!  Woof!" replies the hiding Scotsman.

"It's OK lads; just a dog in here."

The second policeman walks up to another barrel and knocks.

"Anyone in there?!" he shouts.

"Meow!  Mrrreoow!" replied the hiding Englishman.

"It's OK lads; just a stray cat, is all."

Finally, the third policeman walks up to the barrel where the Irishman is hiding and raps on the side.

"Anyone in there?!" he shouts.

The Irishman's reply is prompt and clear...

"Potatoes!"

:D

Davidu

Davidu

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I knew one little bit different:

A wife was cheating her husband with three other guys (!!!).

The man comes home a little early and the three guys have to hide.

One hides in the dog's cage ( house).

One hides in the cow's shed.

One hides in the potato bag.

The husband noticing somehting wrong starts checking the house.

He hits the dog's cage. => Woof Woof.

- Yeah, the dog.

He hits the cow's shead. => Mooooo

- Yeah it's the cow.

He starts kicking the potato bag ( sack).

After a while being beaten the guy inside crawls out:

- WTF, man?? I was suposed to be a potato bag (sack), what sound do you reckon i should make?

========

Somehting's lost in the translantion.

Jack Leaf

Jack Leaf

Posted
Posted

Do not mind the nationalities.

French man: Why is it that Irish men always fight for money while us, trustful French people fight for honour?

Irish man: Well, isn't it said that everyone fights for what he has the less?

lowzeewee

lowzeewee

Posted
Posted

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the

testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo

and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to

laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing

Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this

enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

LAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any...a true story... We had a female news anchor

that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

  • 1 month later...
lowzeewee

lowzeewee

Posted
Posted

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.<>

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone.

I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.

  • 3 weeks later...
piterdevries

piterdevries

Posted
Posted

A church service with 2000 people is about to start when 2 men with black coats and long hats went inside and stood in the middle of the church. They suddenly drew out high caliber weapons and said "How many of you are willing to take a bullet or two for Jesus?" the pews suddenly emptied, the choir boys ran, and the deacons panicked and ran along with the assistant pastor. Only the preacher and 20 members remained in their seats. The men put their weapons back in their coats and gently said "The hypocrites are gone, pastor. You may now begin preaching"

Davidu

Davidu

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Story:

A man stopped at a gas-station on the highway to go to the WC. As he went in the first cabin was taken so he went into the second one.

Standing on the toilet he hears from the other cabin: "Hello."

He answers: "Hello."

"How are you?"

"Fine, thank you"

"Where are you going?"

"To [ name any city here ]."

"Hey, man, listen, I'll call you back soon because there's a moron in the next cabin thet keeps answering all my questions."

  • 2 weeks later...
gunner154

gunner154

Posted
Posted

This is a joke taken from some local magazine:

MISCommunication

Memo from CEO to Manager:

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipsed of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the sclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo from Floor Manager to Supervisor:

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, and as usual it will cost you.

Memory from Supervisor to staff:

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen everyday.

Reactor

Reactor

Posted
Posted

A very funny real-life story, which happened with one of my chums. He went to London with his class for a trip. On the third day, he and his pals visited a teahouse.

When the waiter came, the guy asked for a dingleberry-tea.

The waiter was most suprised, and the guy replied his wish for a dingleberry-tea in a louder voice.

Just imagine...

lowzeewee

lowzeewee

Posted
Posted

A very funny real-life story, which happened with one of my chums. He went to London with his class for a trip. On the third day, he and his pals visited a teahouse.

When the waiter came, the guy asked for a dingleberry-tea.

The waiter was most suprised, and the guy replied his wish for a dingleberry-tea in a louder voice.

Just imagine...

Is this "joke" meant to make people confused?

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