Davidu Posted December 18, 2005 Author Share Posted December 18, 2005 Woke up dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunner154 Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 I have a bone to pick with the Soft Rock part... but nevermind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff2429 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Bogglesome!Has lots of funny movies and clips, like this one, Karma In The Face.Note: The site's videos only worked with Internet Explorer for me and not Mozilla Firefox although it claims "Site best viewed with" Mozilla Firefox. ::) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megashrap Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Nice one Jeff.I still get a good laugh out of watching some of the stickdeath animations......http://www.stickdeath.com/iscream.htmlhttp://www.stickdeath.com/spruce2.htmlhttp://www.stickdeath.com/matrix.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edric O Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 Webmasters who didn't think when they registered their URL's...1) Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous:http://www.whorepresents.com2) Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchangeadvice and views:http://www.expertsexchange.com3) Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:http://www.penisland.net4) Need a therapist?http://www.therapistfinder.com5) Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:http://www.molestationnursery.com6) Gas central heating anyone?http://www.gasheating.co.uk7) New to Milan and you need electric light? Why not sign up on-line withPower-Gen?http://www.powergenitalia.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiyouta Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 LOL. Oh nice one. I've actually used expert exchange before, the alternative interpretation is very obvious, but maybe they knew that and did it as a joke. Ahh hilarious nonetheless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erjin999 Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 hehe, having been to experts exchange, I cant believe I missed that !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunner154 Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 Don't get the gas heating one :- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bryorama Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 Gash eating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunner154 Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 I figured it's probably gash eating, without realising what it was.Now I do :- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyborg Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 Is that pen island or penisland? :Phttp://www.penisland.net Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erjin999 Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 I dont get it cyb. Edric already posted that. What are you asking, if anything ? :- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyborg Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 I know he did. I just noticed the URL has a double meaning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 ...So did all of the others. I thought therapistfinder was good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyborg Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 ...I noticed... ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiyouta Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 :OHow many forum members does it take to... oh nevermind.:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megashrap Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 I think Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturingsocial deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pullit all off!For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selectinggifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kindof Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - withamazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shoppingspree.Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Roncoproducts, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (Youmight think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but myhusband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11thhour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santais a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe wouldwake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under thetree, still in the bag.Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all,there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted andstrapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperateclaims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would alreadybe on the way to the taxidermist.Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportationproblems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow andclouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this thefact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where theBob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in theflue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gasfireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked tostraighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:- Men can't pack a bag.- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seenwith all those elves.- Men don't answer their mail.- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jestas anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their abilityto pick up women.- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men.........- Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.Definite guy.- Cupid flies around carrying weapons.- Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, goodwill, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The ChristmasSong," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!On a side note, Chia-Pets make great last minute gifts. ;D Merry Christmas All. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoon Knight Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Element Name: WOMANSymbol: WoAtomic Weight: Don't even go there!!Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing andmay freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitterif not used well.Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strongaffinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violentwhen left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turnsslightly green when placed next to a better specimen.Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersionof wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidu Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 For the british:*John Cleese's Letter to the USA*To the citizens of the United States of America, in light of your failureto elect a competent President of the USA and thus to governyourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,effective today.Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II resumes monarchical dutiesover all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, whichshe does not fancy.Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.8%of you who have, until now, been unaware there's a world outside yourborders) will appoint a Minister for America. Congress and the Senate are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed.To aid your transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:1. Look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Check"aluminium" in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just howwrongly you pronounce it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'. Likewise you will learn to spell'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary."Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form ofcommunication. Look up "interspersed." There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with badlanguage then you should not have chat shows.2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English." We'll let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.3. You should learn to distinguish English and Australian accents. Itreally isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart' will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.You must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire Floridashire, Louisianashire.4. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.5. You should stop playing American "football." There's only one kind of football. What you call American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.1% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no one else plays "American" football. You should instead play properfootball. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).You should stop playing baseball. It's not reasonable to host an eventcalled the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside ofAmerica. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.6. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a newnational holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day."8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you willstart driving on the left. At the same time, you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help youunderstand the British sense of humour.9. Learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't French, they're Belgian though 97.8% of you(including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.10. The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is actually lager. Only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer." Substances onceknown as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," except for the product of the American Budweiser company which will be called "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, CzechRepublic) to be sold without risk of confusion.11. The UK will harmonise petrol prices (or "Gasoline," as you will bepermitted to keep calling it) for those of the former USA, adopting UKpetrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon, get used to it).12. Learn to resolve personal issues without guns, lawyers or therapists.That you need many lawyers and therapists shows you're not adult enough to be independent. If you're not adult enough to sort things out withoutsuing someone or speaking to a therapist, you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.13. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.14. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortlyto ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).Thank you for your co-operation.* John Cleese[basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers, Torquay, Devon, England] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I've seen it before, but never get tired of it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erjin999 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Luckily my memory is short enough to forget the detalis, so I laugh every time, but streches enough to remind me I have read that somewhere before. 8) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff2429 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Yea... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiyouta Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Pepsi logo looks fake... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidu Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 TREASON!I really like Pepsi...About the picture... welll, yeah, it's kinda' faked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megashrap Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Lol, man you guys are picky...dissecting Jeff's poor joke pic..jeez, Probly pick the ass out of a flea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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