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Davidu

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AWACS

AWACS

Posted
Posted

AMIgaBot your jokes are so not funny... 

are you kidding?

i found this one much more funny than any of the other jokes on this thread

two flowers searching sahara for water.

rose: do you know any water source?

brother: no, but i saw two wind traps somewere

rose: they are still somewere?

brother: no, they has been crushed by trees.

two words, pure genius

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gunner154

gunner154

Posted
Posted

FAMILY PROBLEM

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family

problems?  Listen  to my situation."

"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter.

We got married and I got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my

father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter,

my step-mother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife

became mother-in-law of her father-in-law."

"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.

This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son.

But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him

my wife's grand-son. That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the

half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother.

This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister

is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's

brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's

nephew & I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"

"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!?"

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lowzeewee

lowzeewee

Posted
Posted

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.

After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to

continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a

nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four

hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four

hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so

high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms

certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is

the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.

The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that

the hotel has an Olympic sized pool and a huge conference

center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them." the man complains. "Well, they are

here, and you could have." explains the manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows

for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New

York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here." the manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows." complains the man

again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have." the manager replies.

No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies,

"But we didn't use it!"

The manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and

agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager.

The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir,"

he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping

with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

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theclansman1911

theclansman1911

Posted
Posted

this one's copied from www.bash.org

many good quotes come from there..

<RvLeshrac> <Terrorists> Shit, maybe we shouldn't take hostages from countries whose people are more insane than us.

<RvLeshrac> <China> You give back hostages, or we kill all muslim.

<NegaDuk> i think if they piss off china too much, they'll find that china, the US, and britain will turn the middle east into a big walmart parking lot

<RvLeshrac> <China> We use nuke. What we care you nuke us? We have billion more people.

<NegaDuk> <China> nuke beijing. we tried sars. it no work

<RvLeshrac> <China> We stop birth restriction, we make billion more. Three day.

<NegaDuk> i think china's just being antisocial so someone will thin their population

<RvLeshrac> Seriously.

<RvLeshrac> China's answer to anything should be "We stop birth restrictions"

<RvLeshrac> <US> Stop flooding our markets with cheap goods, or we stop selling you soybeans. <China> We stop birth restriction! <US> ****!. OK, OK! You can have the damned soybeans!

<RvLeshrac> I bet that was the real reason Clinton gave them our satellite codes.

<RvLeshrac> <China> You give us code, or we flood world with chinese!

<RvLeshrac> <China> All your shirt shrink up like penis in arctic.

<NightStar> damn those bad chinese laundry places

<RvLeshrac> <China> You never get decent haircut. You explain to women why no manicure.

<RvLeshrac> <China> We own you like Hong Kong.

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GUNWOUNDS

GUNWOUNDS

Posted
Posted

An asteroid is coming to end the world in 5 months.

A reporter asked several people in the streets what they were going to do.

Many said they would go and party it up while they could ! !

But one man said " I am gonna go move in with my mother-in-law"

"why?" asked the reporter.

"Because it'll be the longest 5 months of my life"

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desert_storm

desert_storm

Posted
Posted

This is from a conversation I JUST had. 

Some background info: "bonnie" is my main actor in a movie that I am makeing, and she has to act with a guy and have a "relationship" with him in the movie.

> do you want to know the funnyist thing I heard all

    day?

<dinka> ok sure

> So, I am trying to figure out who would be a good

    GUY actor for the movie that I am working on...

> And so I asked bonnie who she would like to do

    it with

> ...

<dinka> and?

<dinka> lol

> And I suggested this 19 year old guy

<dinka> lol

<dinka> ok...

> no

> Not finished

<dinka> i know

<dinka> lol

<dinka> ...

> she was like "no", I don't want to. It would be

    illegal

> lol

<dinka> lol

<dinka> nice

> I DIDN"T MEAND "DO IT WITH HIM!!!!"

> lol

<dinka> lol

<dinka> i know lol

<dinka> lmao

> Aperently she wouldn't mind doing it on vidio with

    a younger guy

> lol

<dinka> lol

<dinka> lol

<dinka> lol

> That was soooooooooo funny

> Now I am wondering if I should actualy have her

    do it.... so that I can see if she realy would do it.

> ... and get it on vidio

> lol

<dinka> lol

<dinka> funnnnny

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Khan

Khan

Posted
Posted

The Top 16 Chapters in "Sex for Dummies"

16. Evolution 101: Why Dummies Might Actually Make Poor

Sex Partners

15. Troubleshooting for Do-It-Yourselfers (NOTE:

Memorize this chapter *before* you go blind.)

14. Oh, God! Yes!! Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!: The Missionary

Position

13. Am I a Tab A or a Slot B?

12. Engineering Secrets of the Bra: Removal in 14

Simple Steps

11. The Face: How to Tell Your Lover Apart from All

Those Other People

10. Chapter 4: No, You Don't *Actually* Blow

9. Stop Masturbating, She's Real!

8. You're Britney, I'm Strom: Introduction to Role

Playing

7. Foreplay: Not Just for Her Birthday, Chester

6. Putting the Condom on a Banana is Just for

*Practice*, Dumbass

5. Crouching Doggie and Hidden Missionary: A Guide to

Sexual Positions

4. "Alternate" Lifestyles: Pokeman?

3. Hey! Watch Those Teeth, Vampira!!

2. Sexual Physics: The Round Peg/Round Hole Theory

and the Number 1 Chapter in "Sex for Dummies"...

Chapter 1: Mayor McWeiner and the Clamburglar

Poor.

Tough crowd i see. Altho its funny that Khan is stalking every single one of my jokes. :-*

Not really, its just that you consistently come up with bad jokes, I'm tyring to disuade you from posting here.

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