Just thought I should tell ya

[TMA_1]

For a while I was kinda being a jerk and over emotional, (no jokes about now please.lol ;) ) and well I talked to my family and stuff and have been doing a lot better. Gob helped me a lot with this and I feel much better now. I just thought I should explain the problem to ya guys because you are like a family. even if I am weird and a jerk sometimes.lol

Well getting to the point, I was taking morphine for a long time. a couple months to be exact. I took it because I was pretty depressed about my sis and some past stuff. I thought that it would be some sort of panacea for my problems. It was for a long time too. It wasent the euphoria that was great, but the sense of wellbeing. It took away my problems.

For a while, I had the Lord and the drugs. I would get it from friends, and take the liquid form and mix it in drinks or take it by gel cap. It seemed perfect. I started to realize though that it was not me at all. I began to grow distant with my faith and started acting moody and grumpy. I remember reading in the bible one time that it said, "You cannot serve both God and Mammon". It really hit me because that was what was happening exactly. I was falling down. I then talked to Gob about it and he told me to tell my parents. (THanks for that man. :) ) I told them and they were actually understanding. I thought I was going to get royally chewed out and deserved it too.lol I stopped and thought everything was great. Well it wasent.lol I went through the worst withdrawls ever. I never have gone through them, and thought that it would just be mild body discomfort. I only wish it was that. I got so depressed that it was to the point of wanting to die. I just really changed, and felt like crap for it.

Its almost all gone now with the problems and for about a month now I havent been doing it. It was pretty low of me. It should show that even self righteous christians like me can screw up. We are all human. I just wanted to tell ya guys and say sorry if I have been a jerk to any of you. This is really personal to me, and I really do care about you guys. Please dont make fun of it.lol :)

[Mihail]

Its good that you stopped when you did,TMA,because my mom is Russian,and she knew some people who could never stop smoking,and when they tried to quit...They were really nice people,just tried a cigarette once and couln't stop.They didn't like it,but they couldn't stop.But one day they did.Technically.They really tried to quit,and didn't smoke even 1 cigarette...and then one day we received word that they commited suicide.But they had been smoking for years.Fortunatley for you you were only taking morphine for a few months.

I'm proud of you,TMA,for realizing that drugs were not the answer.

I know that that sounded really corny,but please don't laugh at it.

[Vanguard3000]

Man, I'm glad you're off that stuff. I'm proud of you, and I stand behind you (well, if you face west, anyway ;)). I know I haven't seen you online much lately (maybe it's the timezone thing), but I'm on the net quite a bit, and if you ever want to talk or whatever, don't be a stranger.

[thomas]

yea I'm glad you stopped taking drugs and remember if you're depressed talk ot your friends or family like gob.

[Muad dib]

Way to go. Its good that you quit. It is very hard to stop something like that (and no I havent done any drugs at all). Just hope that you can come around back to your old self again.

[Frodo]

wow, i think everyone is proud of you. once you get involved in drugs, it is not easy at all to get out of. i have never done any drugs in my life, but i have known people who have been unable to stop, and for that, i respect you tma.

[anklbter8]

Hey i have never really directly talked to you but i know where your coming from. My high school years were bad for me. I lost somebody i was close to me to lung cancer and my parents divorce was really weighing on me. I started experimenting with crystal meth and in no time at all was addicted. Luckily before something really bad happened my parents and siblings got involved and sent me away. (Kind of seemed like an after school special but it was all to real). It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have been clean ever since, about 8 years. I think it is totally great that you can talk about it. One thing that always helped me is always being truthful about it. Plus its always great to be able to talk to people who are your true friends. I think most would agree with me that you can always be true here and never be criticized. I hope the best to you and don't be afraid to talk to anybody.

[lowzeewee]

Whoa.....good thing that you stopped.Would you mind writing a story on it,for my website[wont tell u the URL],I post stories about pple with great determination with a never-say-die attitude ;)

Just leave yr name anonymous :)

[Mahdi]

Glad to hear you're off it and feelin better.

[IxianMace]

Good of you to get it out in the open where people can help you deal with any problems you may have. I hope you're much better now, in the emotional sense. IMHO, the important thing is to know what you want, and what's right for you, instead of trying to tell yourself something that you don't really agree with. Health and happiness!! ::) ;D

[nampigai]

good for you TMA, I'm glad to hear you got out.

[nemafakei]

Ahh... that gives perspective.

Well done for having the willpower to give in before damages became irreperable, and for avoiding taking things out on others, (at least for the vast majority of the time, and even then...).

[Cyborg]

Nice to see you're rid of the drugs. :)

[exatreide]

I know how you feel man, er sorta.

My dad takes lots of morphine about 1000 mg a day, and more if he is in pain. and guess what they are trying to boost it again!

well i took some pills from him one time. Yea that is a good high. Cept I just took the pills with coke....

I did it once when I was feeling bad about my gf leaving me but i didnt do it again. Glad your back titus we missed you.

[TMA_1]

:) thanks guys. It isnt exactly a thing that makes me look good.lol but thanks for being nice about it. knew I could count on all of ya. :)

[Anathema]

Well TMA, thumbs up for being able to quit with that stuff, and I mean it. I can only imagine how hard it was on you. Just don't get obsessed about all sorts of health stuff like some people, because remember: to much health will kill ya ;)

[Edric O]

You had the strength to both confess about it and quit. I can imagine it wasn't at all easy... Not many people could do that, TMA. I'm very glad you made it. :)

Good thing that wasn't Spice, though. ;)

[Seal89999]

Drugs bad

Quitting good

Way to go TMA. That shows real charactor to quit.

[lowzeewee]

Physically strong doesnt matter.........Psychologically/Mentally strong matters..........

[Chani]

well done.. that's a tough thing to do.

you know, if you're depressed... did you go to the doctor?

cos i did, and i swear i never thought it would actually help, but they referred me to psychotherapist and a psychiatrist and it did help to talk, to someone who was totally detached from my life...

but back to the original point, i totally respect you for sorting yourself out.

*hug*

(dunno is hugs are appropriate, but hey, i'm a girl)

[TMA_1]

thanks guys. :)

hehe, nah hugs are good, just kinda creepy for you isnt it? I mean me having to fantasize you hugging me? oooh baby ;) lol. I know, bad joke. Its me though.lol

seriously though thanks chani, and yup I do have a psychiatrist and soon a psychologist. i have to find one that has the right style of psychotherapy.

[thomas]

man, TMAs a player all of a sudden. ;)

[SurlyPIG]

Good for you man. That's a HUGE test of character. Both to realize you were making a mistake, to seek advise on how to correct it, to have the courage to ask for help and the will to follow through. It's so easy to look the other way. Keep on truckin' man!

I've had a couple friends go through something similar. They drew motivation from things all around them; especially expressive art. One of them said he would just lie for hours listening to the album Come Clean by Creed. It sounds like you're past that stage on your own though.