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Davidu

By Davidu
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Megashrap

Megashrap

Posted
Posted

AMERICAN BUSINESSMAN GOLFING

An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fugifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a beautiful 340 yard shot and just 50 yards from the pin. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fugifoo".

The Japanese clients looked confused and said "What the hell are you talking about, that's the right hole."

Andrew

Andrew

Posted
Posted

Good one scar. :)

Once upon a time there was an englishman, an american and a japanese guy who all ended up on an otherwise uninhabited island in the south pacific.

- I wanna be the president of this here island, said the american.

- Well, then I want to be the prime minister, said the englishman.

The japanese guy couldn't make up his mind about what he wanted to be though, and the englishman suggested that he could simply be in charge of the supplies. He happily accepted this, and everyone went on with their business.

After a few days it was apparent that the japanese had somehow disappeared. Neither the englishman or the american had seen him around. But then, as they were strolling down the beach, the japanese suddenly jumps out from behind a tree and screams:

Supplies!!

Taken from a random google website, although I heard this joke about 5 years ago and was probably slightly different than this one.

Everytime I hear the word surprise I think of this joke.

Tako

Tako

Posted
Posted

short feary-tale

man proposes to a girl

girl says "no"

man lives happely ever after

man is at the lake of Galilea and is wanting to rent a bote

bote rental guy: "that will be $50,- ",

man: "why so much mony"

boe rental guy: "this is a very special lake sir Jezus wlked over this water"

man: "can't blame him with $50,- for a rental bote!"

Megashrap

Megashrap

Posted
Posted

BARBARA WALTERS INTERVIEW

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of the reservation, she asked why there was a difference in the number of feathers in headdresses. She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headress.

"Me have only one squaw, so me only have one feather." She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was putting her on.

"Me have four feathers, because me sleep with four squaws." Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of of mates involved, she decided to interview the chief, who had a headdress full of feathers.

"Me chief, me f***-em all."

"This is outrageous you ought to be hung!" a horrified Barbara Walters said.

"Damn right, me hung like buffalo."

"You don't have to be so damn hostile!" cried Barbara Walters.

"Hoss-style, dog-style, hog-style, wolf-style, any-style. Me f***-em all!"

"Oh dear!"

"No deer. Assholes too high and run too fast. No f***-em deer."

Megashrap

Megashrap

Posted
Posted

SUPER HEROES

Superman is bored fighting crime everyday. So one Friday night he decides to go out in the town to have some fun. He drops by Batman's house.

'Hey Batman', he says 'Wanna' go out tonight?'

No I can't', replies Batman. 'The Batmobile is broken and I gotta' stay home and fix it, or else I won't be able to fight crime'.

'You loser,' says Superman and flies away. He decides to stop by Spiderman's house. 'Hey, Spidy, how about hitting the town tonight, you and me,' he says.

'I'd love to, but I can't', replies Spiderman. 'My web is broken and I gotta' fix it to fight crime'.

Superman, all disgusted says 'You loser. Stay home on a Friday night and fix your damn web'.

So he flies away. While flying from up above he spots Wonder Woman stark naked and lying down on her back spread-eagle. Superman thinks, 'Hey, I am Superman, I can fly down there at the speed of light, have a quickie and fly back out and she won't even feel it.'

Superman flies down, does a quick in-out-in-out and flies back out at the speed of light.

Wonder Woman says, 'What the hell was that?' The Invisible man says, 'I don't know but my ass is killing me!'

Edric O

Edric O

Posted
Posted

Old - it was even said by the main character in a recent movie adaptation of "The Invisible Man" - but still reasonably funny. ;)

On another note, behold the uber-leetness of... Google H4x0r!!!

http://www.google.com/intl/xx-hacker/

Apparently, Google image search is "+3h m0$+ c0mPr3h3nZiV3 1m463 s33rCh on +h33 w3b d00d!!!."

???

Megashrap

Megashrap

Posted
Posted

LITTLE JOHNNY IN SCHOOL

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day.

The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question". The teacher asked, "Who said 'For Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD. Nancy answered first.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "Dammit, I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut".

The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"

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