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Davidu

By Davidu
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veK

veK

Posted
Posted

okay now... here's another one I like very much:

a crowd of women are on a journey. they reach a hotel and the owner tells them there are 5 different floors and on each floor there are other type of men waiting for the women.

the women are very excited and decide to take a look at the first floor. a sign says "the men on this floor are very romantic and sensitive but they are poor lovers and don't look that good"

the women don't hesitate to get on the next floor. the sign on the second floor says "the men on this floor have quite some skills in bed but they treat women like crap".

the women are appalled and go to the next floor. the sign says "the men on this floor are very romantic and they are really good in bed". the women think a short time about staying but they decide thay would like to see the next floor, so they go on and get to the fourth floor. the sign on this floor says "the men on this floor are very romantic, they just look awesome, are very experienced in bed, treat women like angels and have a lot of money"

the women are fascinated and want to stay but then they remember there are 5 floors so they are excited about the last floor. they get to the fifth and last floor and again there's a big sign. it says: "there are no men here at all. this floor was only built to proof that it's impossible to satisfy a woman!!!"

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jeff2429

jeff2429

Posted
Posted

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".....Mexican Joke submitted by Alan. The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

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Anathema

Anathema

Posted
Posted

A teacher gives his pupils the following task:

"write a short story, containing at least the following elements: religion, royal family and mystery. Now get on it."

Only 2 minutes later one of the pupil says he's finished.

"That's impossible" says the teacher as he picks up the paper and starts reading it.

"My God" said the queen, I'm pregnant. I wonder from who...

That's how I rembember it at least, it gave me a good laugh.

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Acriku

Acriku

Posted
Posted

If you guys want some very funny jokes, some not-so-funny, and some downright weird, go to www.macgyver.com and keep refreshing. It displays a random "Fortune" and a lot of them are geared towards programmers and such. Oh it's great :-D It's my homepage, by the way.

Here are some examples:

Random Fortune

Does Pavlov ring a bell?

Random Fortune

"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the

universe."

              -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos

Random Fortune

With a rubber duckie, one's never alone.

Random Fortune

Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is

probably parked.

ETC ETC... Enjoy :-)

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Tako

Tako

Posted
Posted

things that are not funny:

walking in a atiqeu-shop and asking if they got something new is not funny

a porn actor who sticks his nose in someone elses bussenis is not funny

a cannibal who askes for you're daughters hand is not funny

a stewardes who is pregnant from the automatic pilot is not funny

someone who does not fit in a fittingroom is not funny

giving a terrorist a blow up doll is not funny

so what is funny these days? ::)

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ordos45

ordos45

Posted
Posted

Something that actually happened, funny enough to be a joke.

Me:  German Philosophers weren't very humble were they?

Professor:  Nonsense.  Everyone is humble in some way.  Now, Hegel is trying to say Giest returns upon itself, so we are God.

Me:  Jim...calling oneself God ususally isn't humble.

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Davidu

Davidu

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LOL... who knows what humble means n your teachers opinion?

Two Romanian peasants at work:

#1 - Have you heard they killed Lincoln?

#2 - Who?

#1 - Their own...

#1 - Have you heard they killed Kennedy?

#2 - Who?

#1 - Their own...

#1 - Have you heard they killed Itzak Rabin?

#2 - Who?

#1 - I dunno... Maybe their own...

#2 - SO? WHERE ARE OUR OWN WHEN WE NEED THEM?

( I know the palestinians killed Itzak Rabin... but the joke goes like this.)

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AMIgaBot

AMIgaBot

Posted
Posted

two dragons are sleeping in one room, one of them is waking up and waking up other dragon

first - Hrrrrrrrrr... why you waked up me?

second - cause you forgot about work in castle.

first - aha, i haved to fly for cleaning palace room, from bats and spiders.but i dont want cause why?

second - cause you dont get food and hydrogen if you dont get to work.

then first dragon bite tail of second dragon and telling him

first - you shall leave me alone, find other cave or i be having to bite your head.

second dragon escaped and in same moment he lost head. first dragon says" dont cuss on dragonhead shadows"

two ants meet a sand worm.(pessa ditro are ants, mento is worm)

pessa - hey mento, where u going?

mento - im going to home.

ditro - lets come to out home.

mento - no cause my family need food what i made

two kids found reactor core. and thinking what too do with them

- do you have idea ?

-- no,but lets ride on that pluton core..

- no thanks, i survived hiroshima and nagasaki, i dont want chernobyl.

three F-16 meet in air .

F-16 #1: hey commander do you going bomb something?

F-16 #2: why not.also my girl wanna try fly on  F-16.

F-16 #3:hey commander 2 and 1, what we doin, we have work in pearl harbor.

F-16 %2: i know but my girl is more important than war.

F-16 #1: oh yeaaa, war is not needed, lets fly to our loves. and **** on military bases what gave us orders to bomb pearl harbor

two flowers searching sahara for water.

rose: do you know any water source?

brother: no, but i saw two wind traps somewere

rose: they are still somewere?

brother: no, they has been crushed by trees.

wyvern asking girl about what she thinks about his tail.

hey girl, what do you think about my tail?

- they is beatyful, but you need  stick on them rose flovers and some blue flowers.and use some  nice arguments then use it on  other girl, i have married with aligator.

wyvern: why? you should select me, im best.

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Marcel71

Marcel71

Posted
Posted

A man is sitting in a bar and starts yelling to the guy next to him: "I fucked your mother". He shouts loudly through whole the bar: "I fucked your mother, I fucked your mother".

After some while the guy next to him says: "Let's go home Dad, you're drunk again."

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  • 2 weeks later...
Davidu

Davidu

Posted
  • Author
Posted

St Paul, Jesus and the little black man were playing golf.

St Paul shoots and the ball goes straight in the hole.

Jesus shoots and the ball goes a little left, but at the last moment turns and goes straight into the hole

The little black man shoots way over the hole. As the ball touches the ground a little black rat jumps out of nowhere and swallows the ball and runs away. Then, out of the blue, a little black hawk attacks the rat and swallows him, and as he flies by he spits the ball straight into the hole.

St Paul to Jesus: Listen man, I'm not playing golf with your dad anymore, he's a real cheater.

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