Tako Posted December 13, 2004 Share Posted December 13, 2004 knew that one ( a bit different)but still a good laugh very good job in placing it in our time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veK Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 okay now... here's another one I like very much:a crowd of women are on a journey. they reach a hotel and the owner tells them there are 5 different floors and on each floor there are other type of men waiting for the women. the women are very excited and decide to take a look at the first floor. a sign says "the men on this floor are very romantic and sensitive but they are poor lovers and don't look that good" the women don't hesitate to get on the next floor. the sign on the second floor says "the men on this floor have quite some skills in bed but they treat women like crap". the women are appalled and go to the next floor. the sign says "the men on this floor are very romantic and they are really good in bed". the women think a short time about staying but they decide thay would like to see the next floor, so they go on and get to the fourth floor. the sign on this floor says "the men on this floor are very romantic, they just look awesome, are very experienced in bed, treat women like angels and have a lot of money"the women are fascinated and want to stay but then they remember there are 5 floors so they are excited about the last floor. they get to the fifth and last floor and again there's a big sign. it says: "there are no men here at all. this floor was only built to proof that it's impossible to satisfy a woman!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff2429 Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".....Mexican Joke submitted by Alan. The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anathema Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 A teacher gives his pupils the following task:"write a short story, containing at least the following elements: religion, royal family and mystery. Now get on it."Only 2 minutes later one of the pupil says he's finished."That's impossible" says the teacher as he picks up the paper and starts reading it."My God" said the queen, I'm pregnant. I wonder from who...That's how I rembember it at least, it gave me a good laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiyouta Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 LOL ahhh simple but works Anathema ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidu Posted December 15, 2004 Author Share Posted December 15, 2004 Some ironic jokes about the mentality of the party before 1989:Work makes man noble.But our society has no room for nobles as they are class enemies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acriku Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 If you guys want some very funny jokes, some not-so-funny, and some downright weird, go to www.macgyver.com and keep refreshing. It displays a random "Fortune" and a lot of them are geared towards programmers and such. Oh it's great :-D It's my homepage, by the way.Here are some examples:Random FortuneDoes Pavlov ring a bell?Random Fortune"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create theuniverse."Â Â Â Â Â Â Â -- Carl Sagan, CosmosRandom FortuneWith a rubber duckie, one's never alone.Random FortuneAnybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car isprobably parked.ETC ETC... Enjoy :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tako Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 things that are not funny:walking in a atiqeu-shop and asking if they got something new is not funnya porn actor who sticks his nose in someone elses bussenis is not funnya cannibal who askes for you're daughters hand is not funnya stewardes who is pregnant from the automatic pilot is not funnysomeone who does not fit in a fittingroom is not funnygiving a terrorist a blow up doll is not funnyso what is funny these days? ::) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ordos45 Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 Something that actually happened, funny enough to be a joke.Me: German Philosophers weren't very humble were they?Professor: Nonsense. Everyone is humble in some way. Now, Hegel is trying to say Giest returns upon itself, so we are God.Me: Jim...calling oneself God ususally isn't humble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidu Posted December 17, 2004 Author Share Posted December 17, 2004 LOL... who knows what humble means n your teachers opinion?Two Romanian peasants at work:#1 - Have you heard they killed Lincoln?#2 - Who?#1 - Their own...#1 - Have you heard they killed Kennedy?#2 - Who?#1 - Their own...#1 - Have you heard they killed Itzak Rabin?#2 - Who?#1 - I dunno... Maybe their own...#2 - SO? WHERE ARE OUR OWN WHEN WE NEED THEM?( I know the palestinians killed Itzak Rabin... but the joke goes like this.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tako Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 I don't get it ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidu Posted December 18, 2004 Author Share Posted December 18, 2004 Meaning we would like to get rid of our politicians/leaders. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tako Posted December 19, 2004 Share Posted December 19, 2004 right...then get rid of rthe wrong ones cus those three where one of the better, note: that's all I'm going to say cus this is a joke thread not a political discussien so lets get on with the fun! ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMIgaBot Posted December 19, 2004 Share Posted December 19, 2004 two dragons are sleeping in one room, one of them is waking up and waking up other dragonfirst - Hrrrrrrrrr... why you waked up me?second - cause you forgot about work in castle.first - aha, i haved to fly for cleaning palace room, from bats and spiders.but i dont want cause why?second - cause you dont get food and hydrogen if you dont get to work. then first dragon bite tail of second dragon and telling himfirst - you shall leave me alone, find other cave or i be having to bite your head.second dragon escaped and in same moment he lost head. first dragon says" dont cuss on dragonhead shadows" two ants meet a sand worm.(pessa ditro are ants, mento is worm)pessa - hey mento, where u going?mento - im going to home.ditro - lets come to out home.mento - no cause my family need food what i madetwo kids found reactor core. and thinking what too do with them- do you have idea ?-- no,but lets ride on that pluton core..- no thanks, i survived hiroshima and nagasaki, i dont want chernobyl.three F-16 meet in air .F-16 #1: hey commander do you going bomb something?F-16 #2: why not.also my girl wanna try fly on F-16.F-16 #3:hey commander 2 and 1, what we doin, we have work in pearl harbor.F-16 %2: i know but my girl is more important than war.F-16 #1: oh yeaaa, war is not needed, lets fly to our loves. and **** on military bases what gave us orders to bomb pearl harbortwo flowers searching sahara for water.rose: do you know any water source? brother: no, but i saw two wind traps somewererose: they are still somewere?brother: no, they has been crushed by trees.wyvern asking girl about what she thinks about his tail.hey girl, what do you think about my tail?- they is beatyful, but you need stick on them rose flovers and some blue flowers.and use some nice arguments then use it on other girl, i have married with aligator.wyvern: why? you should select me, im best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veK Posted December 19, 2004 Share Posted December 19, 2004 AMIgaBot your jokes are so not funny... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tako Posted December 19, 2004 Share Posted December 19, 2004 uh right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante Posted December 19, 2004 Share Posted December 19, 2004 Maybe something was lost in translation. I'm assuming that English can't be their first language... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nemafakei Posted December 19, 2004 Share Posted December 19, 2004 Does he only do puns? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidu Posted December 19, 2004 Author Share Posted December 19, 2004 ... yeah, right... next... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidu Posted December 19, 2004 Author Share Posted December 19, 2004 linkThis is nice. Watch out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alchemi2 Posted December 20, 2004 Share Posted December 20, 2004 Maybe something was lost in translation. I'm assuming that English can't be their first language... should read lost a lot in translation and english is definately not his first language ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidu Posted December 20, 2004 Author Share Posted December 20, 2004 Don't be mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante Posted December 20, 2004 Share Posted December 20, 2004 Yeah, leave that to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcel71 Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 A man is sitting in a bar and starts yelling to the guy next to him: "I fucked your mother". He shouts loudly through whole the bar: "I fucked your mother, I fucked your mother". After some while the guy next to him says: "Let's go home Dad, you're drunk again." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidu Posted January 5, 2005 Author Share Posted January 5, 2005 St Paul, Jesus and the little black man were playing golf.St Paul shoots and the ball goes straight in the hole.Jesus shoots and the ball goes a little left, but at the last moment turns and goes straight into the holeThe little black man shoots way over the hole. As the ball touches the ground a little black rat jumps out of nowhere and swallows the ball and runs away. Then, out of the blue, a little black hawk attacks the rat and swallows him, and as he flies by he spits the ball straight into the hole.St Paul to Jesus: Listen man, I'm not playing golf with your dad anymore, he's a real cheater. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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