Khan Posted April 7, 2004 Posted April 7, 2004 They're wierdly amusing, I'm rolting or anything, but there's a small smile.
Apollyon Posted April 8, 2004 Posted April 8, 2004 I'd tell you the joke about the wall but you'd never get over it.Ok, there's a guy walking down the street with an orange for a head. Another guy stops him and asks, "Why do you have an orange for a head?". "Well," He replies, "It's a long story, so I'll cut it short: I was wandering through the desert when I came upon a lamp which I proceded to rub. Luckily for me this lamp was magic and from its spout came a genie, prepared to grant me 3 wishes. Well for my first wish, I asked for all the money in the world, and behold! I received it! Next I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world as my wife, and guess what, I got her! Finally came my last wish; So I wished for an orange for a head.There's this guy walking down the street and he's wearing a melon on his head. A passer-by stops him and asks with a slightly worried expression what he's doing with a melon on his head. "Well," He replies matter-of-factly, "I always wear a melon on my head on Thursdays. In response the passer-by says, "But today's Tuesday". A look of utmost horror and embarrasment passes over the melon-wearers face, "It's not Thursday!? Oh my god I must look like a complete tit!"
Kiyouta Posted April 8, 2004 Posted April 8, 2004 Ok, there are two people playing tennis. One of them is really good, and the other one is beaten many times by him. Then the good tennis player says, "come here, I want to show you something.."He shows him a lamp, and says that when you rub it, a genie will appear and can grant you any wish - but only one."Ok" says the man, and he rubs the lamp.A genie appears and the man says "I wish i had lots of gold""eh?" says the genie."I wish i had lots of GOLD"."eh?" says the genie."I wish i had LOTS OF GOLD!!!""Oh ok, your wish is my command" says the genie.The next day, the two people are playing tennis again."Oh my god, you look terrible..." says the good tennis player to the other person. "I know," he says, "I wanted lots of GOLD, but he gave me lots of OLD!". "Ha!" says the good tennis player, "You think I wanted great Tennis??!" ;D
Anathema Posted April 8, 2004 Posted April 8, 2004 How many people work in the senate?About half of them.
Andrew Posted April 8, 2004 Posted April 8, 2004 A client told me this joke, but I knew nothing about the subject and did not find it funny.At an accounting office a there is an old worker. Everyday he opens his drawer in his desk, takes out a not and reads it. He then puts it back in the desk. Everyone wonders what is on the note that he reads. The guy that has been working there for 40 years is about to retire. After he retires other employees eagerly look in his desk to see what he read everyday.The note reads:Credit is at the door, debit is at the window.I think that is the joke, but I forget and dont really get it.(I had no idea what a debit and credit was last year, but I do now.)
Atomic Mitten Posted April 14, 2004 Posted April 14, 2004 I stole this one from Bako,A man his having his hair cut at a barbers shop and next to him a young girl is standing there eating a muffin.The barber says to the girl " you'll get hairs on your muffin""yeah I'll get tits too" she replies ;D
GUNWOUNDS Posted April 14, 2004 Posted April 14, 2004 1.) What do you call a dog with no legs?- doesnt matter he wont come anyways2.) Where do you find a dog with no legs?-right where you left him ;)
alchemi2 Posted April 15, 2004 Posted April 15, 2004 1.) What do you call a dog with no legs? ;)WoodbineCoz everynight you take him out for a drag.(For those not in the know woodbine is a brand of cigerette)
Terror Posted April 15, 2004 Posted April 15, 2004 I am having sex almost EVERY night...monday almost...thuesday almost...wednesday almost...Do you know who invented the triathlon?It were the turks... they went to the swimming pool by foot, and came back on a bike...
Jack Leaf Posted April 16, 2004 Posted April 16, 2004 "I drink beer only on the days that end with Y"
Super-ness Posted April 16, 2004 Posted April 16, 2004 shut up manu have no tasteFISH MONGERÂ >:( :-X :-*
Emperor Harkonnen Posted April 16, 2004 Author Posted April 16, 2004 ok, lol I heard a new good one:what is similar between an elephant and a strawberry?they are both red except the elephant.lol! ;D
drahgoon Posted April 16, 2004 Posted April 16, 2004 shut up manu have no tasteFISH MONGERÂ >:( :-X :-*dont you mean a$$ monger?
Apollyon Posted April 16, 2004 Posted April 16, 2004 WoodbineCoz everynight you take him out for a drag.(For those not in the know woodbine is a brand of cigerette)That's the best f*cking joke in this thread bahahahaha.
prorubik Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again?" He asks her, "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time I hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head!"--------John, David and Frank who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. All three men went their separate ways to gather the fruit.John came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples".The king explained the trial to him, "you have to shove the fruit up your backside without an expression on your face, or you'll be eaten."The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.David arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8.. and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.John and David met in Heaven. John asked, "why did you laugh, you almost got away with it!" David replied, "i couldn't help it, looked up and saw Frank coming back with pineapples."
prorubik Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" Quite curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence, looks in and someone pokes him in the eye. Everyone in the asylum starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
Andrew Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 John, David and Frank who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. All three men went their separate ways to gather the fruit.John came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples".The king explained the trial to him, "you have to shove the fruit up your backside without an expression on your face, or you'll be eaten."The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.David arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8.. and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.John and David met in Heaven. John asked, "why did you laugh, you almost got away with it!" David replied, "i couldn't help it, looked up and saw Frank coming back with pineapples."There is a variation of that about a Newfie. It involves a watermelon. :)
Anathema Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 Paul proposes a bet to John."You'll have to drink 3 bottles of pure wodka in under 2 minutes. Then there's my dog, a pittbul. He has a rotten tooth, I want you to pull it out of his mouth and be careful not to be torn to shreds. Finally I want you to go to my grandmother, she hasn't been with a man in a while, so I want you to give here a good time if you know what I mean. I'll give you 500 bucks if you do all this."John agrees.He drinks 3 bottles of wodka in less then 2 minutes. Drunk as a bum, he makes his way to the room where the dog is. For 5 minutes there is barking, shouting and what not. John comes outside with all his clothes torn."Now where's the old woman with the rotten tooth?"
drahgoon Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 oh my god. that is the sickest joke i have ever heard. a guy f*cking a dog. why would someone do tht. why not f*ck your girl freind???
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