There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again?" He asks her, "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time I hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head!" -------- John, David and Frank who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. All three men went their separate ways to gather the fruit. John came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples". The king explained the trial to him, "you have to shove the fruit up your backside without an expression on your face, or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. David arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8.. and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. John and David met in Heaven. John asked, "why did you laugh, you almost got away with it!" David replied, "i couldn't help it, looked up and saw Frank coming back with pineapples."
