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Davidu

By Davidu
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Acriku

Acriku

Posted
Posted

What Is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

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Edric O

Edric O

Posted
Posted

The UN decided to conduct a worldwide survey.

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

And in the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

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SurlyPIG

SurlyPIG

Posted
Posted

Rules For Being a Liberal

Rules For Being a Liberal (as posted on ConsumptionJunction dot com)

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

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DjCiD

DjCiD

Posted
Posted

I got this in an emial from my father... who would of guessed he likes Chris Rock.

I guess were in trouble then... :D

" You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy,the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in

America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' " ~~ Chris Rock

;D

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Anathema

Anathema

Posted
Posted

Lol Cid I posted that on the previous page. Did you forget that already :)

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'

ROFLMAO ;D

Excuse me please, would you mind passing me my spleen, it must of slipped out during that outburst ;)

Thats up there with the John Cleese Axis of Evil thingy, where did that post go, I think I left a rib or two behind there. ;)

Ack!! What's this? It wsan't written by John Cleese after all, it was done by Andrew Marlatt. Here's the article at washingtonpost.com

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SurlyPIG

SurlyPIG

Posted
Posted

I've heard that one before, and the tallest player in the NBA is actually white; Shawn Bradley of the Mavericks at 7'6". Yao Ming of China is a way way way better player but he's an inch shorter. The tallest player in history is black but he's retired; Manute Bol from Sudan. He played in the celebrity all star game this year I think with some other retirees like Magic and Dr. J.

I think the most successful rapper is still Dre...but I guess Eminem has overtaken him by now...unfortunately.

And there's one other golfer in history who compares to Tiger Woods, but Tiger is well ahead of pace to trounce his records based on his great young carreer.

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DukeLeto

DukeLeto

Posted
Posted

Ooh, Ace, you asked for it...

Rules For Being a Conservative

1. You have to believe that liberals are the cause of all moral decay.

2. You have to believe that AK-47s, which were in the hands of law-abiding citizens before they were inevitably stolen by criminals, pose less threat to the public than a low-yield Nuclear bomb in a distant country with no capability to launch it at us.

3. You have to believe that art is a waste of Federal funding.

4. Indeed, that everything that doesn't benefit the rich is a waste of Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that continual burning of greenhouse gasses has no affect on global climate whatsoever.

6. You have to believe that homosexuality is not natural, it's some kind of disease.

7. You have to be for capital punishment, but deny 14-year-old rape victims the right to an abortion. (You walked right into that one.)

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters care more about the environment than activists.

10. You have to believe that there is no such thing as a "corrupt politician."

11. You have to believe that every wacko and freak should have a gun, but no one should have basic Civil Rights.

12. You have to believe that taxes on the rich are too high.

13. Moreover, you must believe there's no such thing as too high a tax on poor people.

14. You have to believe that socialism can't work because...uh...no wait, that was...um... ::)

15. You have to believe that the government ought to make everyone be Christian, under penalty of death.

16. You have to believe that freedom of assembly is the stupidest thing since freedom of speech.

lol, I made that up right here. Ought to teach you.

(BTW, several of your things [ommitted in my response] have nothing to do with liberal/conservative.)

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SurlyPIG

SurlyPIG

Posted
Posted

I didn't write it brainiac. Go back to the second line of the post. Here I'll spell it out for you...

"Rules For Being a Liberal (as posted on ConsumptionJunction dot com)"

This is a joke thread. Each line of the joke I posted was some kind of an irony. Yours wasn't even slightly funny. If you can't take jokes, don't read em. Being about half-liberal myself, (socially) I didn't agree with virtually any level of technical accuracy of the depictions in that JOKE (remember the title of this thread Duke?) but a JOKE is a JOKE and that was funny so I posted it. If you wish to get into some kind of technical retaliation, then don't. Just don't. It's a JOKE. Take it like a man.

Even the Romanian military jokes were several times better than that...Were you actually attempting at some kind of humor or was that just a ritualistic retaliation?

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