Joke

[Acriku]

Well it was a joke ;)

[Davidu]

DjCiD, WTF was that all about? LOL it had no sense...

[emprworm]

Precision-Guided Munitions are 600,000$ - not 60,000$...Sorry had to point that out.

lol, ya, i thought that was a bit cheap. I was like "heck, I'm gonna go buy one!" lol ;)

[Davidu]

emprw you are right! the winter collection is obsolete... that's why those missles were so cheap!

Man, I have to buy the summer collection soon: laser guided missles dricetly for (or to) Coco Channel - Paris.

[DjCiD]

DjCiD, WTF was that all about? LOL it had no sense...

In the US there are a lot of parody commercials of the MasterCard Priceless Commercial. This was one I found about the war. Guess you would of had to seen the original MC and or some of the parodies to get it... :- ;)

[slaphapy]

I saw one of those "mastercard parodies" , someone sent it to me in an email... it was just after when Bush and Gore were running for president

this is anti-gore, just so you know ;)

-hair cut at the mall : $10

-suit off the rack: $50

-(something else): $100

-loosing the election because hundreds of your supporters are too damned stupid to fill out the ballot correctly: priceless

that's what I remember of it anyway...

[Davidu]

Yeah... got it.

[nemafakei]

Hmm. I thought I'd seent hose night-vision pics of artillery fiting and so on before... (pic from Dune I, for those who've not played it...)[attachment archived by Gobalopper]

[Davidu]

Ahh... Dune I, the game of my soul.

MAN! You have it in Italian??? I have it in English...

[nemafakei]

I have it on CD, which allows me to see it in English, American, Fench, German, Spanish, Italian, and 'Fremen' (which is actually French with the font changed to make it look like weird symbols).

Hence, a good way to learn foreign languages. (Since you're obviously going to need phrases like 'spice Harvester' and 'Could he be the one?' when visiting foreign countries).

[Davidu]

lol

Try it when you're in Italy... I wonder what they'll say.

[DukeLeto]

lol, you have got to read this. Nice break from all the seriousness.

Axis of Evil Wannabees

by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil",

Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the

"Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be "more evil than

that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis" President Bush warned of

in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as

having, "for starters, a really dumb name". "Right. As if they are just

as evil ... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.

"Everybody knows we're the best evils? eh evilest? that we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,

Although they conceded they had asked if they could join the Axis of Evil.

"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi

President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In

World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So,

you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as

within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations

rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of

geopolitical chairs.

Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of

Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar

in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and

Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just

Generally Disagreeable".

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling

up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the

"Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to

Host the Olympics".

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are

Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America",

while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries

That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just

Something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack

McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps

making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis,

although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries

Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false

application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Norguay denied the

charges. Norguays king Harald can't understand the rejection "I filled out

the application myself", he says.

-John Cleese is a member of the former British Comedy group "Monty Python".

[Acriku]

Hehe ;D He is a very funny man, I love his work.

[DjCiD]

He looks good in drag too ;)

...

[hide]did I post that instead of just thinking it...[/hide]

[Davidu]

cool, man, almost as the "sh*t" thread!

Mind if I spread the word?? ::)

[SpiceGuid]

He, many french jokes in this thread are REALLY funny.

I especially like the mechanics of french tanks and the parody of the Maginot defense line.

[Davidu]

So, my thread isn't dead after all...

KEEP POSTING! 8)

[Acriku]

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a

road when they hear a

voice call from behind a sand-dune: "One Israeli

soldier is better than ten Talibans".

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best

soldiers over the dune

whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a

few minutes, then

silence.

The voice then calls out: "One Israeli soldier is

better than one hundred

Talibans". Furious, the Taliban commander sends his

next best 100 troops

over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences.

After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The Israeli voice calls out again: "One Israelisoldier

is better than one

thousand Talibans". The enraged Taliban Commander

musters one thousand

fighters and sends then across the dune.

Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge

battle is fought.

Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back

over the dune and with

his dying words tells his commander: "Don't send any

more men, it's a trap.

There are two of them."

;D Hehe! As you can see, I have been getting pro-Israelian joke e-mails for some reason, lately.

[SpiceGuid]

What does a french pacifist that can't go and see "Bowling for Columbine" because he boycotts US movies?

He buys a "French edition" of the "Rambo" DVD trilogy.

[slaphapy]

lol acriku- that was funny "there are 2 of them" hahahaha

and spiceguid i think you left out -do- somewhere in that sentence, but its still funny ;D

[SurlyPIG]

Here's something I cooked up based on a joke I saw on Leno...

[attachment archived by Gobalopper]

[thomas]

hers some ;D

-note I have nothing against french but some of these are funny. ;D

Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.

Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? A: Semper Fi (always first)

Q: What's the motto of the French Army? A: Stop, drop, and run!

Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France A. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"

During one of the namy wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The French general said, "Why to you wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and my soldiers will not get scared." The French general said,"That is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants."

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.

The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"

The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"

The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know,sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

ok here they are.

[Avrillian_Sard01]

lol, you have got to read this. Nice break from all the seriousness.

Axis of Evil Wannabees

by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil",

Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the

"Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be "more evil than

that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis" President Bush warned of

in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as

having, "for starters, a really dumb name". "Right. As if they are just

as evil ... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.

"Everybody knows we're the best evils? eh evilest? that we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,

Although they conceded they had asked if they could join the Axis of Evil.

"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi

President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In

World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So,

you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as

within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations

rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of

geopolitical chairs.

Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of

Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar

in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and

Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just

Generally Disagreeable".

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling

up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the

"Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to

Host the Olympics".

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are

Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America",

while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries

That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just

Something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack

McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps

making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis,

although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries

Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false

application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Norguay denied the

charges. Norguays king Harald can't understand the rejection "I filled out

the application myself", he says.

-John Cleese is a member of the former British Comedy group "Monty Python".

And also the new Q in the more recent James Bond movies...

Wanna hear the infamous "Erap Jokes?" Here's one:

Arriving at a French restaurant with his son who was driving the car, Erap tells him to ask for valet parking. And Erap says "val-et."

Erap's son corrects his father: "Val-ey parking."

Once inside the restaurant, Erap tells his son that they'll have buff-et.

Again, the son corrects the father: "Buff-ey"

After lunch Erap asks for the bill. Then he tells his son, "I left my wall-ey in the car."

[Avrillian_Sard01]

*Inkvine Catapult driver voice* How about another? (Erap joke, that is...)

At a beach resort, Erap's friends take a motorized banca (Local term for boat) to go to a nearby island. Rushing to the shore, Erap calls out to his friends, "Hoy! Wait!" but the banca speeds away. Erap picks up his binoculars, focuses on his friends in the banca, and softly says, "Come back! I'm going too!"

(The "Come back" part was translated)

[DjCiD]

Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? A: Semper Fi (always first)

Does Fi mean first is some other language? I'm not sure why thats funny... the motto is short for Semper Fidelis -- Always Faithful.

Simper Fi or Die is a bumper sticker my father had. He served in the Marines while he was courting my mother. Two of my Grandfathers served in the Navy. Had Uncles and Great Uncles in the military. My older brother and I served in the Army. He was Active and I was a Guard member. I wonder if my children will aspire to be in the military too. If it wasn't for ROTC I wouldn't of finished School, or met my wife, it really made a difference.

lol Frenches Mustard ;D