Acriku Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Little Johnny is a regular in those jokes :DQ: Why do ducks have flat feet?A: To stamp out forest fires.Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?A: To stamp out flaming ducks.Not a joke, but 'enlightening' :One younger monk said to the other monk "The fish has flopped out of the net! How will it live?" The older monk said, "When you have gotten out of the net, I'll tell you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrFlibble Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 One younger monk said to the other monk "The fish has flopped out of the net! How will it live?" The older monk said, "When you have gotten out of the net, I'll tell you."Is it a koan? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acriku Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Is it a koan?Actually yes, it is. I didn't really think about that word when I found that, but you're right. Which reminds me of this "koan":If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it from you. This is an ice cream koan.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff2429 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Five Surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patientsto operate on.The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on myoperating table because when you open them up, everything inside isnumbered.'The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should tryelectricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really thinkLibrarians are the best , everything inside them is in alphabeticalorder.'The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I likeconstruction workers......those guys always understand when you have afew parts left over.'But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC, shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong.Politicians are the easiest to operate on.......There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the headand the ass are interchangeable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrFlibble Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Hey, I'm sure this one was already there some pages back... but I can't find it... ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunner154 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Yeah, I remember saving it in an email and sending it around ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrFlibble Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Well, every new thing is just a well-forgotten old one, isn't it? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edric O Posted May 11, 2008 Share Posted May 11, 2008 Speaking of oldies, I remember posting this one some years ago (not in this topic), but it's worth posting again:Why did the chicken cross the road?KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.PLATO: For the greater good.ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.RONALD REAGAN: I forget.CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook.ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methohodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal nowledgecapital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.BILL CLINTON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.Sir Edmund Hillary: Because it was there.RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road - it transcended it.ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exatreide Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 There were two types of support of the air assault mission, Medical support and logistical. Well of the logistical guys messed with one of our guys in his sleep, so this is what we did to his bunk. 4 rolls of tape, 4 rolls of TP, we put his full wall locker on the top bunk(taped) and about three dozen coat hangers taped and free hanging, with some taped in between the stacked mattresses present.If someone could OWNED or something on it... I think it would be even better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunner154 Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 I'm just so glad stuff like that doesn't happen here. I wouldn't know how to handle the mess.Or tidiness, for that matter ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exatreide Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 Well this 2nd LT, butterbar came in from the student side of the barracks and started yelling at us and saying we were wasting military resources and bla bla bla. Funny thing is was the fact that he came from the student side so he had no authority at all over us, but we still took that down and put everything back to being dress right dress in under 3 minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunner154 Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 Wow, it was an officer's bunk that you fixed. Here, nobody would touch the officers.Very different culture, I guess, when majority of your army is made up of conscripts... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exatreide Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 no it was another enlisted, the officer came and yelled at us when infact he had no authority. The fact that he was in air assault school removed his rank for 10 days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunner154 Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 Would he ever get the chance to be in charge of you? If he were to know who did these, he'd screw you all.I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunenewt Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 When people go to certain events, everyone gets stripped of their rank. I went to an Air Cadet camp where everyone got stripped of their rank, but I, and a select few others, got a 'field' promotion of the highest rank possible, which pissed off the people who actually had those ranks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exatreide Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 I watched this and couldn't help but think.. "EDRIC! PROOF WE WON!" hehehe sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff2429 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 The energizer bunny was arrested. He was charged with battery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunner154 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Sounds like a typical Jeff2429 joke. Well done! 8) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff2429 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Why did the chicken cross the road?BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff2429 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff2429 Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores."Not yet," said Little Johnny.His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal."How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks."Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edric O Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 North Korean military training:Meanwhile, somewhat further south... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leo Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores."Not yet," said Little Johnny.His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal."How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks."Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"lol :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edric O Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 * * * Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunner154 Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Now I can't stop going to Pundit Kitchen... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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