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Davidu

By Davidu
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Edric O

Edric O

Posted
Posted

He he he, look what I found! :)

Rules for Being a Good Republican

1. You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity prior to W's Aministration was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush, but that today's growing deficit and rising gas prices are all Clinton's fault.

2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3. You have to be against government programs, except Social Security checks on time.

4. You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate your personal sexual and reproductive decisions.

5. You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

7. You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi- national corporations should have no regulation or interference whatsoever.

8. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and former President Clinton.

9. You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.

10. You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.

11. You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans.

12. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

13. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.

14. You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.

15. You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading and right on the mark.

16. You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.

17. You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own art and the poor don't need any.

18. You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.

19. You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that bastard Clinton should have been impeached.

20. You have to believe that George W. Bush really won the last election.

Sardauker-Kirov

Sardauker-Kirov

Posted
Posted

21. So long you are American, you're part of the 'uber ras' of humanity and have privileges to everything.

22. Killing one innocent American is the end of the world, while killing non-Americans is just normal and is ignored by them.

23. Invading countries with a unvalid reason, but then change the reason into. "Pray our Mid east brothers, we come to free you from Hahmet Mussein, while our real purpose is to find nuclear weapons that we can barely find"

24. Putting god into every reason and considering themselves as the servants of god, while the others are sinners and spawns of hell and deserves to die by American police man hands. ::)

Davidu

Davidu

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hey don't be so mean! Who knows, maybe Saddam's secret (SHHT! no one knows about them!) biological weapons will be transported into your country, so the US will HAVE TO intervene and precision carpet bomb your whole industry, drive your country into chaos, after that safely send the infantry in and discover that those mean secret biological weapons that REALLY exist have already been moved to some other insignificant and resource rich, USA denying country that deserves to be saved from itself and be freed.

Anyway... let's stop, or Emprworm (which I haven't seen in sme while) will come and start WWIII here.

ordos45

ordos45

Posted
Posted

Tragically true Edric, where was the joke?

As for Kirov's reasons, feeling a bit anti-American? The American pigs must suffer and die for the sins of their leaders part? That we are all evil bastards who want nothing but bloodshed and conquest? Nice ignorance.

Sardauker-Kirov

Sardauker-Kirov

Posted
Posted

Tragically true Edric, where was the joke?

As for Kirov's reasons, feeling a bit anti-American? The American pigs must suffer and die for the sins of their leaders part? That we are all evil bastards who want nothing but bloodshed and conquest? Nice ignorance.

Seeing how many Americans consider themselves superior and the other's trash of the world.

That's what I see from my viewpoint and observing how the Americans act on 11 september.

"Burn the Arabs!!!!!!, they are the source of evil, we americans have the privilege to slaughter innocent people and fill other countries with our propanganda"

Ironic.......

And yes, I'm anti-capitalist and anti ameripolitician, but when I see the American people I begin to wonder...

Funny how you call everybody that hates America a ignorant, foolish, unintelligent person.

It sounds a bit familiar.....

HasimirFenring

HasimirFenring

Posted
Posted

Umm well here's one american who doesn't like bush (to put it mildly), doesn't like the way our government is disrespecting other cultures, nations and international institutions and is sick and tired of bush's war hawk policy/massive debts (although your criticisms are, unfortunately, justified).

ordos45

ordos45

Posted
Posted

Umm well here's one american who doesn't like bush (to put it mildly), doesn't like the way our government is disrespecting other cultures, nations and international institutions and is sick and tired of bush's war hawk policy/massive debts (although your criticisms are, unfortunately, justified).

Same here, I can't wait till he's out of office for good. I know I'm human just like everyone else on this planet, no one is better than anyone else. Some of the words America was founded on spring to mind "All men created equal".

I want you to show me Kirov where I called anyone aside from you ignorant earlier. Please do. Or where I've ever said "burn the arabs". Or that I only get my news from US and British Propaganda (Al Jezeera and some Iranian news papers online anyone?).

22. Killing one innocent American is the end of the world, while killing non-Americans is just normal and is ignored by them.

23. Invading countries with a unvalid reason, but then change the reason into. "Pray our Mid east brothers, we come to free you from Hahmet Mussein, while our real purpose is to find nuclear weapons that we can barely find"

24. Putting god into every reason and considering themselves as the servants of god, while the others are sinners and spawns of hell and deserves to die by American police man hands.

22. Yes my nation's leaders overreact. Personally I feel a life is a life, whether it be American, Russian, South African, Australian, Japanese, etc. I don't ignore non American deaths by the way, I've read stories on the poor civilians caught in the crossfire not just in Iraq, but in other nations that go through strife. I've seen bodies stacked like wood in front of buildings on news sites and such, and it fills me with revulsion to see that. Death is a sorrowful thing.

23. Hmm, what my government does after being elected isn't my fault.

24. Have I ever called you a spawn of Satan or said I was holier than everyone? No I haven't. That's a generalization over a few people in our leadership that you make out to be all Americans. And as to the dying by American hands part, I reiterate that I consider life sacred.

(Religious nuts in my opinion in my nation's leadership include:

Bush-Puts God in every statement he makes, saying God is on his side, that God told him to do this, that God let him win the election to become president.

John Ashcroft- Before he undertakes any major project, he annoits himself with Crisco cooking oil, thinking he is doing God's work.

I've heard of a few others but forget their names at the moment.)

ordos45

ordos45

Posted
Posted

An actor, Porn Publisher, a hundred year old volunteer, and some career politicans walk into a courthouse...oh wait, that's California's recall election showing how weird our politics get. ;D Let me try again.

--

Two CEOs walk into a bar. The first orders a stiff drink to wash down the taste of his stock losing value. The second orders nothing, but only consoles his friend.

Once his friend becomes drunk he says," Bob I'm going to commit a hostile takeover of your company tommorow."

Bob's eyes are glazed over and is obviously confused," Aliens are taking over?"

ordos45

ordos45

Posted
Posted

Got another forward that seemed worth posting. And some of this stuff is stupid enough I could see the military saying it.

I'm not sure if all of these are true, but they sure are funny.

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least

expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim toward the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S. Air Force

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just

bombed." - US Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - Gen. MacArthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - US

Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything." - US Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." -

Infantry Journal

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -

Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."

ordos45

ordos45

Posted
Posted

*looks at pic* And that Ladies and Gentlemen is why Saddam kicked them out before any other foreign media service. Anyone else get violently ill watching there channel (especially when they're panic-mongering)?

Good one Edric!

  • 1 month later...
Sardauker-Kirov

Sardauker-Kirov

Posted
Posted

[i see the joke topic is a bit left in the dust ;)]

Two Communists are playing Ragnarok online, they constantly keep complaining about the high prices of the equipment and asked the shop keeper to lower the prices, so he did and the next day they looked around in the shop again and they shouted at the increased prices of the items.

So, they asked why;

"Why are the prices so high, for the love of god!"

The keeper retorted with a money-smile.

"What is Capitalism without exploiting?"

alchemi2

alchemi2

Posted
Posted

an englishman,scotsman,irishman and a german are the only surviors of a plane crash.

as their congratulating each other on their luck a group of cannibles surround them and drag them off to their village.

the headman explains that unless they can survie a hundred lashes with a bullwhip without screaming they will be eaten. he further explains that they can have one thing they have with them at present on their back.

the scot steps forward reaches in his sporen and pulls out a bottle of scotch whiskey has a swig and pours the rest on his back. the lashes begin, at 80 strokes the alchol burning into his wounds is too much and he screams, hes cut down and thrown into the pot.

the irishman pulls a bottle of irish whiskey out of his pocket has a swig and pours the rest on his back, the lashes begin, at 80 strokes the alchol burning in his wounds is too much and he screams, hes cut down and thrown in the pot.

the german steps forward zieg hiel i'm a member of the master race and i need nothing on my back and i'll show you the prowess of the master race.

the lashes begin by 80 sweats begins on his brow, at 90 its profuse but not a peep, 100 and the germans still standing. he turns to englishman and says well tommy beat that.

right say the englishman i'll have the f**king jerry on my back. ;D

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