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FED2K rpg


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After sending a scout into enemy territory, Lord J prepares his troops for battle.

About 2 hours later, the scout returns, breathless and wounded.

Examining the wound, which seems to be a missing spot on the scout's abdomen, Lord J asks what sort of weapon could cause it.

"A new weapon type, my Lord," replies the scout seriously, "called the Inconsistency Gun."

"Hi'ja, I know of what he speaks," says a Klingon warrior named Killargy, "the Inconsistency Gun was used quite a few times in the Star Trek universe, but was outlawed (we hope) after the first Enterprise season on UPN."

"Indeed." continues the scout, fearully, "Westwood has a history of using these I-Guns, ever since Dune 2000." gasping with a painful memory, the scout says, "Remember the Ordos?" which causes a collective gasp from the rest of the crowd.

"I see." says Lord J after hearing the rest of the scout's account. "This will be a difficult and dangerous mission, but to survive with the defeat of Westwood will be an honor above all others. Over land and over sea, over vast, melange spattered desert wastelands; Over the traps of our enemies and until the end of time. Qapla'!"

"Qapla'! Ia! Ia! Gobalopper fhtagn!" shouts the rest of the crowd.

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Too bad I didn't see this before! Anyways, I'll be a Dark Elf/Thief :D

The Darkelf, better now as ScumElf, was castrated from his tribe, and has left into the forest, under the teaching of the legendary Darkelf Thief that once robbed a whole town blind. ScumElf finds out about challenges for warriors and the like, and quickly leaves the forest to become part. With the teachings of his master, and the hatred for his tribe, he will certainly prove himself worthy, and at the same time planning his tribe's demise.

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Dust Scout the minor sorceror has reached the Keep. Using cunning and intelligence, he turns himself into a small can of spam and is taken in by a poster who will remain anonymous.

Once inside, he makes his way to the throne room and is confused to see all around get up and throw curses at him. He realises he is still a can of spam and quickly sheds his disguise. He then sidles up to the throne and asks for a quest please.

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Dust Scout wonders at the purpose of his quest for only a second, before leaving at once for his destination. He spends many days in transit, and many more researching at www.original-war.com . The scroll he produces reads...

Near future:

An American geological expedition, under a UN mandate, assesses the natural resources in a distant part of Siberia, deep in the wilderness of Eastern Russia. But instead of valuable oil, they find deposits of a previously unknown mineral.

USA scientists working for Department of Defense discover that this mineral is in fact identical to the substance used to power an alien artefact in their possession. This object is called the EON (Extraterrestrial Object Nexus).

It was found in 1919 by Colonel Emerson near the site of the Tunguska explosion. Emerson was the commander of a US military unit in charge of transporting US war supplies from the city of Vladivostok to the Eastern front during World War I.

DoD Experiments have shown that items placed in the capsule are transported hundreds of thousands of years back in time. The American scientists were unable to understand its construction, nor could they manage to artificially create its fuel. Eventually, the item - classified Top Secret - was stored, awaiting further developments in human science.

The experiments carried out with the new mineral, called siberite, discovered that in addition to its being the fuel for the EON, that it also catalysed cold fusion.

As the Russian Federation itself was in a state of chaos (which the original expedition was present in an attempt to ease in the first place), there could be no guarantee that the leaders in Moscow would not use siberite to enslave other European nations, as well as their own scattered state once again.

The Americans therefore decided to act quickly. Using the EON, they began to send special units into the past to mine all of the siberite and transport it to the nearest territory under their control - to Alaska. However, the Russians learn about this plan, and they are not the only ones who don't like it.

Neither the brave and sympathetic John Macmillan, nor the proud and patriotic Yuri Ivanovich "Burlak" Gorky know what they are about to face on this adventure. Shall they follow their orders to the bitter end, or shall they try to find an escape from the vicious circle of destruction?

Dust Scout delivers his scroll personally in a container bound with the skin of a spammer that fell foul of a moderator.

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Finally, the battle begins.

Using ancient UW war technology, select warriors are dispersed, and begin firing waves of "evaportator" grenades. After the first wave, legions of Orcish and Klingon troops rush out and begin a ground assault, closely followed by Orcish catapults.

The battle is going fairly even, several hundred deaths on both sides, until Lord J introduces his secret weapon. Argonian Time Lapsing devices!

After the re-introduction of these wonderful machines, the front is easily broken, and in a short amount of real-time, the remaining troops have the central Westwood base surrounded.

After a few moments of brutal warfare, the westwood online staff starts to retreat.

Suddenly, a frigate takes off from the center of the Construction Base, and starts heading for the upper atmosphere.

Hearing a launch, Lord J looks up just in time to see a Death's Hand missle heading straight for the Arrowhead encampment...

On the viewscreen aboard the IKV naT'Han, the entire planet seems to explode, then collapse back onto itself, as the re-formation begins.

"Whoa," says one Orcish commander, awed by the visual effects, "If we'd been on there one second longer, we would have been annihilated."

"Indeed," says Lord J, owner of the IKV naT'Han, ruler of the Arrowhead Province, "Although I thought the use of the Genesis Torpedo was a bit cowardly, is saved us from sure destruction in the face of those illegal nukes."

"Yes, my Lord," says the Klingon commander, "having your ship beam us up at the last second was absolute strategic genius."

With cries of "For Kahless!", "Qapla'!" and "Ia! Ia! Gobalopper fhtagn!", the mighty Klingon space armada takes on the Guild Hieghliner containing the rest of the Westwood Online survivors.

After a huge space battle, including the destruction of both Klingon and Westwood space fighters, the Hieghliner is finally crippled and boarded by Arrowhead Marines.

A few days later, Lord J beams directly into the FED2K headquarters with the mightiest Orcish and Klingon warriors, along with several prisoners.

Bowing to one knee, Lord J salutes Gob, then rises and introduces his captives.

"This is Kane, leader of the Nod, and and his good friend Yuri." Then, turning, he introduces another captive, "This is Hayt de Vries, mentat to House Harkonnen."

After the pleasentries, he motions for the Klingon commander to step forward, and takes a small bundled package from the warrior.

"And this, my liege, is the head of a Navaros ghola we destroyed in one of those icky Tleilaxu axlotl tanks." Lord J shivers, "Gob only knows what they were planning to do with it."

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Dust Scout thanks Gob eternally and lets him know that he will stay closer to the Keep from now on so if he is wanted just call.

He invests most of his money in better armour and weaponry, but saves some of it in case it is needed on another Quest. Then he heads back to his little shack near the Keep, temporary until he gets back to his Fort, and sits happily sizzling Agar plates and hurling fireballs.

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Lord J frowns and looks down at his shoes, worried about the difficulty of this task.

"I...see." he says slowly, then has a sudden burst of inspiration.

His eyes light up and turning to face Gob he says, "Ahh, did he happen to leave any blood...or hair?"

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Lord J frowns, then nods and says, "Hmm, thanks anyway, I'm sure we'll find him."

Then, turning, he marches back down the hall. Not seeing a female servant this time, his expression remains stony as he slams through the double doors.

A few days later, escorted by two Klingon warriors, Lord J beams directly into the Lonely Traveller Inn, causing a maiden to drop her needlework and run into the back, screaming.

Lord J starts walking after her, to explain his sudden appearence, when he is blocked by a huge two-headed Ogre.

Backing away slowly, Lord J deftly motions for his Klingon compatriots to draw thier disruptors.

"WHAT IS YOUR BUSINESS HERE, HUMAN?!" bellows the Ogre in a deep, scratchy voice.

"I'm looking for my friend...Sir Sard, of the Warrior's Caste." says Lord J, backing away.

"WARRIORS?! WHAT WARRIORS?! I KILL WARRIORS!!" bellows the Ogre, swinging his tree limb down on the defenseless Lord J.

The Klingons open fire, and manage to blister a few smooth spots on the Ogre's sides, eliciting a grunt from the huge creature.

The tree limb slams into Lord J, forcing him to the floor and causing his crystalline shield to flicker and crack.

"Dang!" he says, rolling out from under the blow and pulling his short sword.

Turning, he slashes the sword alongside the Ogre's chest, which causes no more than a thin scratch.

The Ogre growls and swings his limb back towards Lord J.

Lord J catches the limb and jumps on top of it, then, running forward, he perches himself on the Ogre's back.

The Klingons fire again, once more causing no more than superficial damage.

Still turning with the force of his attempted blow against Lord J, the Ogre doesn't even notice as Lord J stabs his sword down into the creature's braincase.

Leaping off the Ogre's back, Lord J stops and takes an assesment of the situation.

Enjoying the situation immensely, the Ogre continues to spin and knocks out an entire wall of the Inn.

Remembering his plan for finding Sir Sard, Lord J taps his communicator and orders his vessal to beam the Ogre into open space.

The tingly sensation of transportation causes the Ogre to stop spinning and look down at his skin. With an almost endearing wimper of confusion, the Ogre suddenly vanishes, and his tree limb falls to the ground.

Sighing with relief, then rising, Lord J makes his way to the admissions desk, where he questions the maiden...

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Sir Fish arrives at the Fed2k Keep and is granted an audience with Gob.

He bows on one knee and says "I would like to request a quest. I am a warrior, but i have tried some sorcery. So far the only magic that I show any promise in is the art of blowing things up.

I would like to request a quest."

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Vult returns with Toraqi. Toraqi is a ancient Black Spectrum Dragon with white-eyes that Quondam had befriened many years ago while on a quest battling a evil wizard.

Quondam and Juquin have just finished their game of cards. Quondam has beaten Juquin again but he is learning well.

"Welcome old friend long time since we have seen one another" Quondam says with speaking a word. "Yes time has been kind to you. Vult has told me that you ask of my services to fly you to Fed2k Land" says Toraqi.

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Right then the roof window cracks and Earthnuker lowers himself with his burglar rope.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Where have you been?" Gob asks.

Earthnuker starts speaking slowly.

"I was in a bar the other day...I got drunk...was involved in a bar fight and held in the police department for almost a week...I was just released."

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"Juquin prepare our things we are off to Fed2K Land Gob will be waiting for us" Quondam tells his young apprentice. Juquin goes off to prepare while Toraqi and Quondam go over flight details to Fed2K Land. After all things are done Quondam casts a protection spell over the mountain keep from all intruders. Quondam also implies the help of the Bolary rock-like creatures that guard certain paths to the Mystic Mountains.

"Toraqi we are ready my friend" Quondam tells the great dragon. Toraqi lowers his back so that Quondam, Juquin and Vult can ride. Once on his back Toraqi spreads his enoromous wings and takes to the air. The sound of the dragon's wings flapping are enough to strike fear in the hearts of men. Never the less it is magnicient to see a great black spectrum dragon in flight many never see such a sight. Toraqi gains altitude and heads west toward Fed2K Land.

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(OOC: Oh, sorry 'bout that, I'll modify the post.)

Lord J exits the Inn with his Klingon friends.

"Well, that was pointless." says one warrior.

"Yeah, all we found was a guide to roleplay and a sock puppet." says the other warrior, while Lord J walks alone in silence.

Suddenly, he stops. "I've got it!"


"The solution to finding Sir Sard!"

"Really? What is it?" asks a warrior.

"Well, he had a sock puppet, right?"


Reaching quickly into his backpack, Lord J pulls out the sock and examines it. "Yes! Just as I thought!"

Turning to frown at the other Klingon, the warrior says, with some annoyance, "WHAT?!"

Looking back up at the warrior, Lord J says, "Simple. A sock puppet is, 95% what?"

A sinking feeling in his gut, his hand straying closer and closer to his dagger... the Klingon says, "I dont know, what?"

"A sock of course! And who makes socks?" say Lord J, turning the sock around so the others could read the text, "Fruit of the Loom!"

A few days later, the IKV naT'Han arrives at the Fruit of the Loom website, http://www.fruit.com/ .

With a collective groan, the crew watches the opening sequence: "Good day start with Fruit of the Loom."

A few minutes later, Lord J and a small escort of three Orcs beam down into the central information booth.

Staffing the booth is a nice young Elf maiden in a rainbow pantsuit.

"Hello there, can I help you?" she says, eyeing the Orcs with only the slightest glint of distaste.

"Umm...yes," says Lord J, producing the sock puppet, "Perhaps you can help me with this."

"Excuse me?" she says. Then she notices the label. "Oh. Oh yes, our sock line. Follow me."

The young She-Elf rises, and the troop follows her into the deeper parts of the building.

After a few minutes of walking, they finally arrive at the Records room.

"Here we keep all records of sock purchases within the last few days."

"Thanks, we're looking for someone specifically."

Nodding, the Elf says, "Alright, could you give me his name?"

"Sure, Sir Sard, of FED2K." replies Lord J.

Suddenly, a strange look crosses her face, "You mean Sir Sard of dune2k.com? *The* Sir Sard?"

Nodding, Lord J says, "Yes..."

"I should have known!" she says, grinning ear-to-ear, "He's our biggest sock buyer!"


"Yeah. Let's see..." she says, scrolling down the list. "Ahh yes, the last time he bought one of our line was at http://www.walmart.com/, yesterday." Looking back up, she says, "Does that help?"

"Absolutely, thanks."

Lord J taps his comunicator and winks at the Elf at he fades away...

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Sir Fish thanks Gob for the quest, and mounts andrewabc.

"We will gather information in the land of FED2K first, then we will search for Erathnuker." he says to andrewabc

"and remember that i am having a very difficult time learning magic, so don't expect anything right away, maybe after a few quests..."

Sir Fish and Andrewabc ride off in search of Erathnuker.

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