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Thoughts: Tuesday, March 11, 2003:

Sigh, I guess I can forget about meeting Emma Caulfield at the Victorian Arts Centre on May the 3rd and 4th. I mean, she's only Anya... :( If it was Sarah Michelle Gellar, then I would definitely fork out $100 of my own money that I've saved up to get a chance to go and meet her in person and talk to her, and of course get her autograph, but that'll never happen. :P *Sigh* ::)

Well ok, this is just Emma Caulfield. I could probably go if I really wanted to, but I really need to watch my spending, since I don't have a job and I want to buy the CoD DVD's when they finally come out in Australia. The convention will have to go ahead without me. :(

Man, I'd really like to go, if only someone would pay for me, pffft. :P I know, lame, pathetic, blablabla, but I really have to watch my spending. I mean really. :(

This is probably a once in a lifetime chance that I'm throwing away, and if I think about it too much, I'll go insane, so I'll have to end it here. GET OVER IT IX!!! >:( ::)

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Thoughts: Tuesday, March 18, 2003, 12:51AM:

Sigh, I really don't have the heart to continue this. Maybe I do, I kind of enjoy these debates about who is in the right/wrong, etc etc. I don't know why hardly anyone but me posts in this thread. However I find that this thread is far from useless, it's a place where I can just let my thoughts flow and not care if I look like a fool, because I won't be meeting any of the other forum members anyway...

*Ahem*.. cough... choke.. GAG!! ::)

I've considered the possibility of me overreacting, but when your life has been seemingly idle for the past 18 years, don't you think that the time would come for me to be more 'reactive'? I'm sick of not reacting and just letting people stomp all over me, and do whatever they like. They can go stick it, for all I care. Think you can do whatever you please, whenever you please eh? Well, this little Ixian bastard is going to show you a thing or two, if it's the last thing I do.

*Screams* "To all you moronic people out there!!! You can all go to hell!!!*

Sorry, I just had to let that out. :) I now return you to your daily schedule...

And now a message from our sponsors: ::)

BUMP!!!

I think I'm slowly losing it. I'm going insane... :(

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Dear open diary,

Today I had to cut down the minimum pple for battle for the universe from 10 to 8.And I finally filled up the memberlist and its gonna begin soon :) and i got a shock when i saw the comment gobalopper aka gob[d]father made in the now-dungeon One flew over the cuckoo....oops i mean navaros' nest.

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I've been looking through several threads today. I was on the forum as

a guest, just to see how the tech forum was doing. I saw the many posts

of people needing help with various issues. Since the beginning I've been

wondering (and surprised) how many people found their way to the tech forum.

I don't mean the regulars, but the people that are new to the site. I read

one post in my leaving thread, which stated that the person was refered to

the Fed2K tech forum by another tech forum. The other tech forum is linked to

GameSpy.. The person was that on the Fed2K forum was a guy who most likely would

be able to help him. I never thought we would have a reach that far and were

that known outside Fed2K. I talk about we, because it wasn't just me who helped

people out. A lot of people contributed in helping others, which I think was

what made the tech forum an excellent forum to get help, no matter what problem

you have/had. Looking at the several threads as a guest, I couldn't resist to

post my comments in 2 of the threads. The urge to reply to all threads came, but

resisted. I guess I'll drop by from time to time in the tech forum...

I've been thinking a lot about me leaving this site. And if I would forget,

my mailbox still contains 67 e-mails from people asking me to stay. I never

expected me leaving Fed2K could have such impact. I knew I was appreciated by

many, but receiving so many e-mails asking me to stay was not expected. Should

I come back just for the tech forum? I still don't know. There are some issues

which hold me from coming back, but I have to admit, the urge, or willingness

if you like, to help is great. I still don't understand what's so special

about me, looking at the many e-mails I received. What's so good about me that

other people don't have ? I think Gryphon and Flameweaver are getting there in

due time. At least they are doing their best from what I can tell.

The above is on my mind a lot (I know, I'm weird). Next to that, I have so many

questions on other things. To the majority of those questions I can't seem to

find an answer. It has to do with all kinds of things one experiences during

life, like money, religion, war, peace, family and other day to day things. A

friend of mine told me recently I think way to much. I've known her for a long

time now and we basicly discuss everything. I trust her opinion, but then again,

am I really thinking to much ? There's currently so much going on, it's not

even funny anymore. Good thing is, at work and with the family everything is

going fine. I go to work with a smile and I return with a smile. That has been

different, but all okay now. I'm healthy, no complaints what so ever. Shouldn't

I just be glad and happy for that and stop worring about other things ? Looking

at what I'm about to post, I'm already convinced I'm thinking way to much again

and my friend will kick my butt again. Is life complicated, or am I making it

complicated ? *sigh*, another question.

Funny thing is, that people around me tell me that I'm way more relaxed

the last few months then I've ever been. They tell me that I look happy

and seem to have everything under perfect control. I wonder what they would

say if they could read my mind :)

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Arggh my depression is driving me mad. I either sit there staring at nothing or I'm hystericaly insane. Recently I've done impresions of hippies, sang Queen at strange moments or pretend that I'm Russian. I've done tests on the net and apparently I'm only 18% insane though.

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Stress/rush

I don't get it. Why are people always in a rush ? Why do people experience stress ?

Ever since I had my car accident, I've become way more relaxed and I can say that

I'm without stress. During normal day to day life, I see many people stressing and

rushing, but what for ?

Last weekend I was on a short holiday. It was a holiday in a resort where one can

rent a cottage for a week, or just a few days. Just to get out of every day life.

The resort holds various swimming pools, rafts, lot's to do for kids, bowling, golf,

basicly almost anything fun you can think of. When you arrive you'll get the key to

your cottage. But you can only get in your cottage after 3pm. So if you arrive sooner,

you'll have to keep yourself busy. This is something you know upfront, therefor you

can be prepared. We arrived before 3pm and we took a refreshing dive in one of the

swimming pools. At 3pm I was looking out one of the windows and noticed a huge line of

cars waiting to enter the resort. I was stunned. What were those people thinking ?

What was their reason to wait in a line of cars for an hour to reach their cottage ?

They are on vacation, so why not relax and sit down with a refreshing drink, or why

not taking a dive in the pool, or do whatever you find relaxing. I was watching

one familiy in their car and the man behind the weel got frustrated because his kids

in the back were fighting. Why did he choose to wait in line for almost an hour ?

He knew it would upset his kids as they most likely prefer to spend that hour in the

pool instead of in the car. We wen't out of the pool at 5pm, took our cars and drove

to our cottage. The drive lasted something like 5 minutes.

When you walk accros town, stop and look at the people around you. A lot of people

are passing you by, almost running. Why are they in a rush ? Are they missing an

appointment ? If so, shouldn't they have left sooner from home ? Were they busy with

something insignificant and now need to rush ? If they are not missing an appointment,

what are they then rushing for ? What do those extra 5 minutes matter ? Walking

relaxed instead of rushing is even better for your health. If you rush and something

isn't going the way you want, you even get frustrated/angry. Which in reaction

influences your mood. Your bad mood influences people around you, co-workers/familiy.

So what good does rushing bring you ? Nothing ! Then why rush ?

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Boring,boringbloody,bloody Arsenal

Arsenal,you have let me down,you bowed out of the champion league recently and now you are in danger of losing 2 titles.And you refuse to use Kanu at the right time,letting him go in only when the person going out is tired.I hope you get relegated soon.Bye bye to Boring,boringHola bloody,bloody Arsenal!

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Thoughts: Saturday, March 22, 2003, 2:03 AM:

:( >:( :( I don't get it. About an hour ago I was fine, and now I feel like s**t. Funny how it all happens so fast. Me logging on to play, me watching the 'team' (if you could call it that ::)), f**k things up, being complete n00bs, and just generally doing nothing but logging hours and procastinating, and then getting some unwanted attention from some biological units with nothing better to do but generate idiocy. Now I'm yawning my head off. I wish I didn't need rest, I could get so much more done with the time I have to myself. Everyone has their bad days. But why do the bad days seem to happen more often than the good days? Speaking honestly, I don't care if none of those people listen to me, so long as they mind their own business and don't deliberately interfere with my activities.

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The dam is broken, the sandbags are up. The onslaught continues... It is worse at this time than I had anticipated. I think I shall sound a hypocrite (though I'll probably avoid actually being one) when all is resolved, since I do not expect to end up unweakened.

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Last Friday collegues and I decided to go for a drink after work.

At 6.00pm we arrived at the place where we would go for a drink and ordered.

At 6.02pm shots were fired infront of the place which we just entered and a man dropped

badly injured to the ground. Police came and sealed off the area (with us still in the place).

The thought that we passed there just 2 minutes before the shooting started kept me busy the

whole rest of the night. While being in the bar, they had several television sets on CNN. They

reported live from Baghdad and you saw explosions everywhere. I found it weird. Experiencing

a shooting, which almost involved us and watching the bombing and drama on tv. I started to ask

myself what the world is becoming and how things will be in 10 years. I shiver by the thought..

Today I heard that my friend (the female friend I described in one of my earlier posts) fell

from her horse and has a torn spine. Docters do not know if she's going to stay paralized or

not. This has hit me very hard. Not just because she's my best friend, but we have a history

together as well. We had a relationship during the time I was divorced. During our relationship,

she noticed I missed my daughter and advised me to reconsider my divorce. As you all know, I went

back to my wife and daughter. My friend and I always remaind very good friends and still talk about

anything. We truly share laughter and tears. I'm always grateful she took the things the way she did.

I want to help her, do anything, but I feel so goddamn helpless...

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Last Friday collegues and I decided to go for a drink after work.

At 6.00pm we arrived at the place where we would go for a drink and ordered.

At 6.02pm shots were fired infront of the place which we just entered and a man dropped

badly injured to the ground. Police came and sealed off the area (with us still in the place).

The thought that we passed there just 2 minutes before the shooting started kept me busy the

whole rest of the night. While being in the bar, they had several television sets on CNN. They

reported live from Baghdad and you saw explosions everywhere. I found it weird. Experiencing

a shooting, which almost involved us and watching the bombing and drama on tv. I started to ask

myself what the world is becoming and how things will be in 10 years. I shiver by the thought..

Today I heard that my friend (the female friend I described in one of my earlier posts) fell

from her horse and has a torn spine. Docters do not know if she's going to stay paralized or

not. This has hit me very hard. Not just because she's my best friend, but we have a history

together as well. We had a relationship during the time I was divorced. During our relationship,

she noticed I missed my daughter and advised me to reconsider my divorce. As you all know, I went

back to my wife and daughter. My friend and I always remaind very good friends and still talk about

anything. We truly share laughter and tears. I'm always grateful she took the things the way she did.

I want to help her, do anything, but I feel so goddamn helpless...

HOLY POOP ON A STICK DOCS BACK!!!!!!!

but thats sad doc I mean your friend has a torn spine? man thats serious.

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Jesus Nyar, I usually have a hard time keeping myself from laughing when I read this thread (the amount of self-pity...) but, man, that's just horrible. I hope your friend gets better. What a horrible week the two of you have been having.

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Thanks for the replies guys !

I just heard that my friend isn't going to stay paralized. Yesterday she could move her legs a bit, although very painful. They made a scan and as far as they could see, a part of her spine has broken off (just a little part). If all goes well, she'll get some sort of corset today, which should stabalize her body and should make moving less painful.

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WTF?LOLish!

Dear Mahdidladla-Diary,

Schools in Singapore will be closed due to SARS!Woohoo!Cool!I can finally get on with BFTU-chapter 2 now!YAY!But with someone saying something somewhere,something that i cant disclose here,in a particular thread that Gob regularly patronizes,i now feel threathened by 'relegation' to the division banned,with what gob said and that post might somewhat influence gob,to ban me.

And with the War On Iraq,with both sides refusing to reveal the actual number of casualties........its getting irritating....trying to figure whats the truth....CNN.....bias......BBC.....bias..........CNA......????

WHich can I trust now......should i try to contact Mohammed Al Fayed's Harolds to get suscription[sp?] to Al Jazeera????LOL.Cos' their motto explains that you can get anything that you want....great huh?

With the FA cup and EPL heating up.....Arsenal seems in top form now......thanks to the recent form of Vieira.....AKA Diving instructor.

Not to forget.....the Lions team!Singapore,in its first 3 games this year,beat Maldives,Macau and Pakistan respectively.....4-1,2-0,3-0.Scoring 9 and conceding ONE. ;)

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Thoughts: Saturday, March 29, 2003, 6:12PM

OMG!! My first jump pulse snipe pulled off successfully!! I couldn't believe I actually nailed the cargo box at that range, killing it from beyond the maximum range of the pulse shell!! Well, at least now I know I can do it. >:D I'm hoping I will be able to pull off a supersnipe cargo snipe soon at 2.36 km!! ^-^

http://www.dune2k.com/forum/attachments/First_JP_snipe.jpg[attachment archived by Gobalopper]

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