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"Top 1000 ways to tell you're too into Dune"... reborn!

Edric O

By Edric O
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Edric O

Edric O

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Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a topic so long that the FED2k forum software at the time could not handle it, and it ended up causing a bit of a crash. The name of that mythical topic was "Top 1000 ways to tell you're too into Dune", and it has been lost to the sands of time. Now, in a forum armed with better software, the time has come for the titan to rise again!

So, this is a topic where we may post the top 1000 telltale signs that a person is too obsessed with Dune. I shall begin:

You know you're too into Dune when...

1. You gather earthworms in a bucket of sand and look forward to riding them when they grow up.

2. Spicy food gives you visions of the future.

3. Your friends constantly criticize your attempts to recycle bodily fluids.

Acriku

Acriku

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4. You think colonoscopy bags are the wave of the future.

5. You're jealous of people with natural blue eyes.

6. You think that surfers looking for that big wave are misinformed, it's big "worm".

The Spacing Guild

The Spacing Guild

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7. Cinnamon lets you live forever..or so you claim.

8. Instead of hello, you say, "Subakh Ul Kuhar".

9. You call your PDA your filmbook (I'll probably start doing this one soon, considering as how I have all the Dune books on mine)

10. You invoke Kanly against the neighbor down the street that you hate, and ask the mayor to appoint a Judge of the Rite.

11. When you retire from your company, you appoint a Judge of the Change to oversee your successor's installation.

Dante

Dante

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Lost? No... just misplaced.

12. You can't see this list, having declared jihad against thinking machines and destroyed your computer.

13. You are disappointed when the local nuns don't hold a gom jabbar to your neck to test for humanity.

14. Identical twins are met with cries of "filthy Tleilaxu clone!" and pelted with rocks.

15. You shout your name really loudly at people and wonder why they don't die.

16. You get angry at the saleswoman when none of the belts she shows you enable you to float.

17. You know that cinnamon obviously isn't the real spice, but that doesn't stop you investing hundreds of pounds in trying to make Ajidamal (or Amal) out of it.

18. Your attempts to get women to be part of the above project are met with ridicule and court orders.

19. Your neighbours have to stop you siphoning off their 'fortune' from the water pipes.

20. You start refering to pregnant women as 'tanks.'

I actually did a form of that last one. Except it was just one woman, and she was "Axolotl tank." She never found out about it, and hopefully never will.

Andrew

Andrew

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22. You try to get your friends to watch the movie and miniseries, but they just make fun of you :P

23. You buy the jihad prequels even though you don't like them :(

Acriku

Acriku

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24. You cringe anytime a fan of Star Wars drools over the use of the Force.

25. You're the only one in the room who laughs at an obscure Dune reference no one else got.

26. You have plans to create a line of cologne/perfumes called, The Spice.

27. You include cinnamon in your food as enthusiastically as Emeril includes garlic in his (BAM!).

The Spacing Guild

The Spacing Guild

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28. You recite the Sapho Litany before downing a glass of grape juice.

29. You walk without rhythm when you're at the beach, and while your friends are laughing at you, you turn around and scream, "Sure, keep walking, but don't come crying to me when a Sandworm comes up and gets you!"

30. You wonder why grandma's funeral had her put into the ground instead of a Deathstill.

31. You have a sopping towel cistern at your front door.

Darth Kwisatz

Darth Kwisatz

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36. You call Mormons Powindah and arm your sleeves with poison darts before opening the door to them.

37. You can't sheath your ivory letter opener until you've killed someone with it.

38. You can manage your internal functions by mind during hangovers.

39. You drink and smoke too much in order to attempt Voice.

40. You think you can trace your ancestry to the ancient Greeks.

41. Other Memory clouds your recollection that you just drank absinthe.

42. You poison your boss and inject the antidote into his cat.

43. You think still-suit inspection is a legal defence for an upskirt fetish for burkha wearers.

44. You've driven home drunk, feel bloated and immersed and think you've folded space.

45. You're saving up enough nutmeg to buy the planet.

piterdevries

piterdevries

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51. You get mad at your sister for wasting too much precious water to fill up the bath tub.

52. You scrape your skin hoping to get samples in order to make a ghola of yourself.

53. When having sex with your wife, you think that she is bonding you.

Edric O

Edric O

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55. When you are walking with a friend and notice storm clouds, you immediately say "a storm is coming... our storm".

(I actually did that once)

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