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Davidu

By Davidu
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ordos45

ordos45

Posted
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A French History Professor, a German History Professor, and a British History Professor walk into a bar. They get talking about World War 2.

The German says," We took France in a pathetic amount of time."

The Frenchman says," We fought even after the official surrender. Your people never really conquered us!"

They continued to fight for several more minutes before they turned to the British Professor for his views.

He speaks up with a grin," We abandoned the French, defended ourselves, and not a single German troop landed in Great Britain!"

(See, I have no sense of humor)

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slaphapy

slaphapy

Posted
Posted

even more french jokes----

ok here are some quotes from people about the french ;D :

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." - Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." - General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." -General Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." - Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" - Jacques Chirac

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." - Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." - Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citezens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." - P.J O'Rourke

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940's who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." - John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." - Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surpised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France woudlnt' help us get the Germans out of France!" - Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German Flag." - David Letterman

"It is good to have France on Iraq's side, because they will be able to teach the Iraqis how to surrender!!!" - Fred Barnes (Fox news)

__________________________

how many Frenchman does it take to change a light bulb? One, he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

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ordos45

ordos45

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Actually when the allies began getting real close to Paris the French Resistance took out a large number of Nazi forces occupying it. By the time the Allies were inside Paris in force, the French had liberated it mostly themselves. I know...stop watching the history channel.

---

A conference of Rival Nations is called. India and Pakistan send ambassadors. The Pakistani ambasador suicide bombs and kills the Indian ambassador.

North Korea and South Korea send ambassadors. The North Korean kills them both with a small nuclear weapon.

Israel and Palestine send ambassadors to work out an end to the terrorist attacks plaguing Israel. The Palestinian ambassador blows himself and his counterpart up.

China and Japan send ambassadors, and they actually work out a deal on the Japanese helping to update Chinese military technology. The World War 1-2 Hatchet is burried.

Then finally the US Ambassador arrives to meet with the French Ambassador. Both pull out handguns, throw them to the side, and give a good laugh that everyone thinks they hate each other.

(Bad wasn't it?)

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die4honr

die4honr

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(THIS IS A RACIST 1 SO IF IT IS TOO INAPPROPRIATE THEN TAKE IT OFF)

How long does it take a black woman to take a dump?????????

9 months

ok there are 3 men on a cliff...1 is white 1 is mexican and the other is black...it is said that if you jump off the cliff and say a word u will turn into whatever you say and live forever....so the white guys is brave so he sprints and hurls himself off the cliff and says EAGLE!!! The mexican says ok i got 1...he sprints and dives and shouts out Tucan and he turns into 1...

so the black says i have 1 and he is gett phyched and gets a running start and is running very fast and then he trips over a rock and shouts out "SHIT!"

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slaphapy

slaphapy

Posted
Posted

More french jokes--- ;D

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

(there are many variations on that joke ^^^)

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.

What is a citizen of Paris called?

A Parasite

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Vanguard3000

Vanguard3000

Posted
Posted

My teacher told me this one today.

Okay, so George Bush and Collin Powell are in a bar talking about the war. A man comes along and says "hey, you're George Bush and Collin Powell, aren't you?" They say "Yes, we are." The man asks "so what are you arguing about?" to which Collin says "well, we were talking about killing two million Iraqis and a blonde with big boobs." The man asks "why kill the blonde with big boobs?" Collin says to Bush:

"See, I told you no one would care if we killed two million Iraqis!"

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Andrew

Andrew

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Oh, gross! That was uncalled for! I came up from the end of the page, and I was all "ohh, hot!" and now I wish I had a red-hot poker to stick in my eyes!

I know exactly what you mean.

That picture is uncalled for and should be burned. Now I have a sick mental picture of bush in my head. Get out! Get out! Get out!

There its out until I look at it again.

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slaphapy

slaphapy

Posted
Posted

Oh, gross! That was uncalled for! I came up from the end of the page, and I was all "ohh, hot!" and now I wish I had a red-hot poker to stick in my eyes!

*rips eyes out in a spasic seizure*

ooo... you're right, that was hideous... and it's cruel to do that if you come up from the bottom of the page, like pretty much everyone here...

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Acriku

Acriku

Posted
Posted

Three Saudis

Three Saudis are sitting in a restaurant having

dinner

and trying to decide where to go for vacation.

The first Saudi says: -"Let's go to Jerusalem".

The 2nd Saudi says: -"No,there are too many Jews

there, maybe we should go to Florida."

The 3rd Saudi says: -"No, there are too many Jews

there too,. let's go to New York".

The 1st Saudi whines: -"No, there are far too many

Jews there."

A little old lady sitting at the next table leans

over

and says:

-"Vell, vy don't you go to hell, there are no Jews

there."

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DjCiD

DjCiD

Posted
Posted

NOOO! It was my thread! I didn't want it here not to get spammed and lock in the dungeon no! I was gonna keep my thread in order and banish all the spammers that spammed no! Why, Oh Why! I even thought of locking it as to not allow spamination.... boo hoo *manically crying* :'(

...

oh well :-

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