What's your horoscope? Look here!

[Acriku]

Take a look at your horoscope, with a twist of realism ;):

Signs of the Zodiac

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie

a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and

impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over

again. People think you are stupid.

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PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by

the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates, and

people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and

are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small

animals.

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ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are

quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are not very

nice.

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TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)

You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and

work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed.

You are a Communist.

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GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you

are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too

little. This means you are cheap.

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CANCER

Learn something new today, like how to spell or how to count to

ten without using your fingers. Be careful dressing this

morning. You may be hit by a car later in the day and you

wouldn't want to be taken to the doctor's office in some of

that old underwear you own.

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LEO

Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore.

Your ability to laugh at adversity will be a blessing because

you've got a day coming you wouldn't believe. As a matter of

fact, if you can laugh at what happens to you today, you've got

a sick sense of humor.

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VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)

You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is

sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and sometimes

fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.

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LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If

you are a man, you are more than likely gay. Chances for employment

and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are prostitutes.

All Libra people die of Venereal disease.

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SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the

pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to

rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are

drunks or dope fiends or both. People laugh at you a great deal.

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CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of

anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any

importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as

they take root and become trees.

Source: unknown. Found: http://brain.hastypastry.net/forums/showthread.php?t=15212

[Andrew]

Well, 1/2 of my horoscope was true to an extent. I am cheap, but only because I have no money. But when I do have money, I am sometimes called The Bank of Andrew. Mostly for trips or vacations.

I'd be willing to give out 60 day $500 loans at an interest rate that suits you.

(Obviously nominal plus an appropriate market risk premium.)

[Dante]

I don't do terrible things to small animals, and I resent the suggestion!

...Children don't count as animals, do they?

[Tako]

Signs of the Zodiac

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie

a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and

impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over

again. People think you are stupid.

Hm stupid me?

hm stupid me?

hm stupid me?

[Anathema]

Yay, I have excellent chances for employment and monetary gains ;D

[Mahdi]

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to

rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are

drunks or dope fiends or both. People laugh at you a great deal.

Except for the first sentence....

[bryorama]

CANCER

Learn something new today, like how to spell or how to count to

ten without using your fingers. Be careful dressing this

morning. You may be hit by a car later in the day and you

wouldn't want to be taken to the doctor's office in some of

that old underwear you own.

Rubbish. RUBBISH I TELL YOU. Ok I'm done. I better watch out today.

[nemafakei]

"You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends"

Yep. Don't you love the expressions on their faces?

I have never learnt to drive, therefore, I would not make a good bus driver.

[gunner154]

I'm a communist?? I wish I was, but I can't seem to make it work. Think Animal Farm. Okay fine EdricO, Stalinist right? Human nature right?

Never mind, I haven't read enough yet...

[slaphapy]

Yay, I have excellent chances for employment and monetary gains ;D

we also have to look forward to dieing of a venereal disease... lovely

and i am not gay. but i am somewhat artistic  ::)

[gunner154]

(in high hopes) Musically?

[Marcel71]

SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the

pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.

Proud to be a Scorpio  ;D

[gunner154]

I have a friend who fits PERFECTLY in that category, but he's a Libra on the 21st October.

Damn.

[Dante]

Some people think that there can be different degrees of similarity to the zodiac. For example, someone born in the middle of the Leo sign will be show mostly Leo characteristics, while someone born near the beginning or the end may also show attributes of some other signs. I've been told I have elements of Capricorn in me...

[Caid Ivik]

LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If

you are a man, you are more than likely gay. Chances for employment

and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are prostitutes.

All Libra people die of Venereal disease.

oh my God, we're a nice couple then: gay and a prostitute ;D

[gunner154]

Seriously, how true has the zodiac been for you? (addressed to anybody and everybody)

[Dante]

Seems to be a combination of extremes. It's either absolutely correct or incredibly wrong, no middle ground. This indicates guesswork, or something similar. I mean if you give people enough vague truths, they're bound to read something into it.

[Edric O]

I'm a communist?? I wish I was, but I can't seem to make it work. Think Animal Farm. Okay fine EdricO, Stalinist right? Human nature right?

Never mind, I haven't read enough yet...

Ummm, the author of Animal Farm, George Orwell, was a great socialist. And, among other things, he fought in the Spanish Civil War as a member of the POUM (Partido Obrero de Unificaci

[Edric O]

And no, unfortunetaly, I am not a Taurus. ;D

[gunner154]

what's totalitarianism?

and writing against democratic socialism? but why? is that equivalent to stalinism?

[Andrew]

Noun: totalitarianism

1. A form of government in which the ruler is an absolute dictator (not restricted by a constitution or laws or opposition etc.)

2. The principle of complete and unrestricted power in government

[Dante]

Questions questions questions, always the questions!

[Acriku]

Seems to be a combination of extremes. It's either absolutely correct or incredibly wrong, no middle ground. This indicates guesswork, or something similar. I mean if you give people enough vague truths, they're bound to read something into it.

Yes, well these are more on the side of humor than astrological truth.

[Dante]

Yes, I know. But he did say 'seriously,' and I took that to mean a serious zodiac.

[Edric O]

what's totalitarianism?

and writing against democratic socialism? but why? is that equivalent to stalinism?

Uh, he said "FOR" democratic socialism. That was the whole point. But if you mean to ask about the "against totalitarianism" part, then read what Andrew explained: "totalitarianism" is a broad category of oppressive systems that includes stalinism.