Nice = weak?

[IxianMace]

Some time ago, I had a chat on MSN with a friend. I was already of the opinion that being nice in general gets you nothing but abuse, because people interpret it as being 'weak', and just take advantage of you, without any regard for your feelings, but the conversation that I had with him reinforced my opinion even more. Here is the relevant part of the discussion that I had with him:

Please note that the language that was used in the conversation had mild swearing in it, so do not read it if you will be offended.

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

IxianMace says:

wtf?

IxianMace says:

Pffft, fuck off you liars?

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[rogue1896]

in my opinion if you're nice you shouldn't change the way you are to conform to society. because if you are nice, there's always that one time where it'll work out in the end. like say for example the girl wasn't such an asshole. he was nice and stayed a little while. he coulda gotten laid ;) But seriously, there's always that one time. and on that one time if you're an ass to someone else they might decide to do the same thing you did. and then there really won't be many 'nice' people left in the world.

[slaphapy]

there's always that one time. and on that one time if you're an ass to someone else they might decide to do the same thing you did. and then there really won't be many 'nice' people left in the world.

i could not have said it better myself ;D

i have seen that happen .... sometimes to my best friends.... sometimes to me....

it is very sad that you have to change the way you are to "fit in" ... or do you?

[Caid Ivik]

Nice is weak? I think only psychically strong human can be today nice to others.

[Edric O]

Err... well, if that girl was so keen to leave him on a whim, then he should be glad to be rid of her, because she never really cared in the first place.

As for being nice, the trick is to be selective about WHO you're being nice to. Don't let society change you, just put on a colder mask to people who don't deserve you being nice to them.

[VigilVirus]

In my opinion, no one should ever see what you're like. For example, just because I hate a person, doesn't mean that I'm going to show it to that person overtly. I might say things behind his/her back, but never to his/her face, so that he would never suspect me of hate.

So basically, I think that a person should be "nice" all the time. Even if you are evil inside ;D

[IxianMace]

So you're basically putting on a facade in front of everyone. Keeping your true feelings to yourself, and making sure that no one is aware of your intentions? Act all nice to everyone so they suspect nothing, while you scheme behind their backs? :O :( :) 8) >:D ^-^ That sounds very devious. But wouldn't it be a burden to never show your true feelings to people? Would you really want to live in a world of lies and deception? ???

[VigilVirus]

Well, I do show my true feelings to my family, so it's not all a mask. It is just about other people who are not part of your family.

And it's fun to live in such a world ;D

[Anathema]

What did that girl do wrong, may I ask? If she gave the impression she wanted more then just company I'd agree that it wasn't nice, but from what I read she just appreciated your friends company, and frankly I don't see what was done wrong.

I'm nice to my friends and family of course, and I do show manners to strangers as well. If a person is an asshole, don't bother to say hello to him but don't start cussing at him everytime you see him. I don't share my true thoughts and feelings with anyone that I don't trust.

[Nyarlathotep]

I'd say always be nice. I think I can say that generally I'm nice to anyone. However, there's a point when I stop being nice though...

And as a note, I'd hate if people would talk behind my back. I'd rather have them being honest and say to me what they think face to face. I can appreciate a direct approach more then talking behind someones back.

As for the story, I do not know how well they'd known eachother. Do not forget that people can mis-inturped looks from people (not saying he did though).

[SurlyPIG]

There are two types of people int he world; nice people, and mean people. IMO, nice guys finish higher! Everyone says they finish last but here's what I think; nice guys help each other out. You see someone drop their wallet, return it to them. Someone asks to borrow a few bucks, if you think they can trust them, give them the benefit of the doubt. If someone's car is stuck in snow, dig them out and give them a push.

That said, always remember:

In case those didn't load, MEAN PEOPLE SUCK! Mean people do not deserve your kindness. They will only take advantage of it. They don't deserve hate, but they deserve robot-like indifference. Sometimes, in order to protect yourself, you'll have to make snap judgements about whether someone is mean or nice. But dont worry about it. The way I see it, if they are nice, they WILL understand! It's a perfect system! Nice people win!

[nemafakei]

Some people are kind, others are not. However, if you are kind as a habit, do not try to do otherwise to those whom you do not know. Because if you are kind always, you will find other kind people, with whom you can get along more easily; they will inevitably prefer your company to that of inconsiderate people, and visa versa - so you will spend more time with them.

[Inoculator9]

Well, being a nice person can take many types of forms. It can be helping people or just being very accomodating (this is what most people would call nice), and you can teach lessons (which can involve being mean). Kindness takes many forms.

[IxianMace]

I'd rather have them being honest and say to me what they think face to face. I can appreciate a direct approach more then talking behind someones back.

So if you were given two options, which one would you take?

Option 1: You would rather tell someone exactly how you feel about them, (directly, bluntly, and honestly) and risk offending them or upsetting them.

Option 2: You would rather not be so direct, and more vague in how you express your feelings to someone, and be slightly dishonest to them, in order to keep their feelings from being hurt. (e.g. You don't like something they've made, but say it's good so they don't get offended).

[Acriku]

The trick is being kind, not nice. Kindness is a type of strength.

[Nyarlathotep]

So if you were given two options, which one would you take?

Option 1: You would rather tell someone exactly how you feel about them, (directly, bluntly, and honestly) and risk offending them or upsetting them.

Option 2: You would rather not be so direct, and more vague in how you express your feelings to someone, and be slightly dishonest to them, in order to keep their feelings from being hurt. (e.g. You don't like something they've made, but say it's good so they don't get offended).

I go for option 1. I will tell them how I feel or think about something. Do not forget there are several ways of saying things. You can be honest and kind/nice to someone at the same time.

[Inoculator9]

You could always just be tactful and tell the truth.

[SurlyPIG]

Yeah be very choosy about your words and manner. Use "I feel" statements. And a few euphemisms wouldn't hurt. ;)

[nemafakei]

I would choose option 1, though I would prefer to be a little vague, without lying.

[Chani]

The trick is being kind, not nice. Kindness is a type of strength.

*agrees*

And nice people tend to like nice people so you need to stop going for mean people! Though I'm not really one to talk as far as that's concerned.. I'm like a beacon for crap people.

And I would go for option 2.

[Inoculator9]

I agree aswell. Kindness is a strength, being nice is more superficial.