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So this is just ordinary dune... Right... Well forget what I said in my previous post, what's even the most psychic thing in dune? Evil treacherous skanks maybe? (Bene gesserit)

Don't presume to judge that which you know nothing about.

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  • 6 months later...

Double post time! For great justice.

I would like to point out prior to my comment that, having been busy recently, I haven't been reading Hwi's latest work. For that reason the nuances of the new plot remain unknown to me. Today in class, however, I was bored and found myself wandering into Fanfiction. I skimmed the thread, reading only occasionally.

I will say only this:

Change the name to remove previous associations if you wish, but as I understand it Prince Alikhier is supposed to be unassuming. That's kind of the point. Giving him an ominous name rather works against the purpose of the character. Yet the point is moot as Damien is not an ominous name. Call the man Simon, David, Andrew, the effect will be the same. I guess I find it odd that in attempting to change the character you should choose a name that is more true to his prosaic public persona than the original. Thoughts?

Secondly: Crozier is supposed to be an independent, strong woman, yes? While I have no idea why such a firebrand would be working an undercover mission (I didn't read that bit), I will say that her method of avoiding suspicion is somewhat unoriginal, not to mention out of character.

Consider- if you wish to portray a strong female, would she not be more likely to push a man to his knees than kneel down herself? That she has risen in the ranks as far as she has done should be evidence enough that she is unwilling to submit to any masculine authority, let alone prostrate herself before it.

That is if she were to choose sex as a weapon at all. Going straight for the sexual weapons makes the character seem eager: I shouldn't have to point out the problems with that. There is nothing wrong with having a character use sex as a tool or a weapon when the situation demands it, so long as it is within character for them to do so. But making it the first choice gives a very different impression.

Take for example this image. It's not mine, it belongs to the person whose account I linked. Note the weapon, the slightly sultry pose, the expression that could be delivering a threat or a mocking insult. Put simply: does she look like the kind of woman who would lower herself? Or the kind of woman who pushes others down?

No comments about being unable to let go please - If I had a vested interest I would have read the whole thread. I am simply possessed of a truly bizarre helpful streak that causes me to make good suggestions for characters that I would know. Despite being a... lazy and unreliable clod?

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I am always pleased to hear feedback on my work.  Good questions always challenge and inspire me to improve the quality of the work.

Regarding Damien not being an ominous name, perhaps it is a cultural or generational difference, but Damien is a very ominous name.  The name alone strikes fear into the heart of my generation.  Perhaps you are not familiar with the movie The Omen, the fifth greatest horror movie of our time (Damien was the son of Satan).  So anyway, that

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A two word reference on an unrelated subject in another board counts as sufficient apology these days? Huh, who knew.

I know of the Omen, and the sub-par remake. And I know that's why the name was chosen. Sadly, it's just an awful name. *Shrug* Thankfully, not my problem anymore.

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I did mention in my last missive that emails would no longer reach me: that wasn't "I'll ignore and delete them" but "they will never arrive." However, if you'd care to IM the message to me here, I'm listening.

Now, in the interests of preventing FF from becoming a sandbox, a prompt to open discussion. I touched on the matter in this thread but would like to state it more baldly now and see what kind of reaction it gets.

Namely: Do we really need a fanfiction board anymore?


A resurgence is always possible.

It's part of the site's history, and holds a lot of decent work.

Merging the board with General would be hopelessly untidy.

This board was always quieter than the others; since the website itself is quiet it's no surprise that a proportional effect would be felt here.


It's dead, lets face it.

It's using up bandwidth for what, nostalgia?

I'd like to point out that this is hardly a call to delete the FF board. Given how much of my own work is here, that would be shooting myself in the foot a bit. But I'm interested to see what anyone else might think, and whether this can induce any lurking old-timers to post. Opinions?

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I believe the dynamic of the entire Fed2k as a whole has radically altered. By not seeing any new Dune games we've lost the flow of traffic to the forums that we once had. This helped to bring fan fiction a steady slew of new posters that were eager to contribute.

But that has changed.

I think another issue is that many of the more well-known posters have either shifted away from these boards or the forum as a whole. Many of the posters that were once contributing quite frequently now find themselves occupied with school or new jobs/lifestyles and careers.

I don't want to sound pessimistic because I still have a love for this board and the creativity and potential it has. I'm just saying for the moment we face tough times where we'll have to think of creative and new ways to bring a spark to these boards.

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I don't know, that might not be so easy. It would be like making fun of a clown. What are you going to do, mock them for turning the Bene Gesserit into Storm from the X-Men? Making Marty and Daniel Omnius and Erasmus? Turning Paul's Agememnon into a self-obsessed, cybernetic military moron who got himself pushed out of a window? It just doesn't work.

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  • 3 months later...

Plans? Who said anything about plans? Ever?

And for god's sake stop vomiting banal one-sentence replies all over the board. This is Fanfiction for crying out loud, it may be withered and dry but it doesn't need prodding. It needs contribution.

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You never did get round to doing any of this, still got plans to do so?

No, because I was asking about something here, not KJA's crap. ;)

I've since reappraised the person, if not the product, and decided to play nice for a change.

Or at least for a <b>while</b>. ;)

Re Dante's complaint: I haven't dropped by for a day or two. Have you been being a naughty newty again and posting like a mad thang to keep the board relevant? ;)

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  • 1 month later...

Regarding the new FanFiction post by Bakka the Weeper:

Overall, that's some very good stuff.  As a fan-made short story, it's looking very promising.  Some constructive criticism for what I've read so far.

- Simple spelling errors (e.g. your use of "loose" instead of the correct "lose", "minuet" instead of "minute") can really detract from the enjoyment of a story.  Make sure to proof-read, and/or use a spelling and grammar checker if you have access to one.

- Try to avoid using ALL CAPITALS or .....excessive punctuation..... or -symbols- to create the effect of emphasis, pauses or sounds.  Let your writing do that for you; use italics for thoughts, use only three full stops for ellipsis (i.e. "...") and be more descriptive with what is happening.

If you can take these points on board for your next instalment, then I'm sure your work will continue to improve. :)

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