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FED2k Trek


Edric O
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Cyberspace... the final frontier. These are the voyages of the site-ship FED2k. Its continuing mission: To explore strange new games, to seek out new servers and new improvisations, to badly go where no yellow fansite has gone before.

*cut to opening credits*

Crew members:

Captain Gob (Changeling - likes to assume the shape of a yeti)

First Officer Mahdi (Klingon - we all know what Klingon First Officers have in mind...)

Science Officer Nema (Vulcan, of course...)

Security Chief Timenn (Human/Sandworm hybrid struggling to be at peace with both sides of his conflicting personality)

Engineering Chief Nyar (Human with a gift for technobabble - will fix ANY technical problems)

Medical Officer Edric O (ex-Borg - believe me, you DON'T want to be sick on this ship)

Councilor Exatreides (Romulan - Muhahahahahaha!)

Bartender Jacob Douds (Bajoran, looking for the Orb of the Holy Gob)

and, of course:

Ensign Kenny Navaros (he he, guess what he does ;D )

-----------------------------------------

Episode 1: Encounter at Gunpoint (Part I)

The site-ship FED2k has been sent on her maiden voyage to examine the strange events at Gunpoint, RA2 fansite in a very remote sector of the Alpha qommunity.

Gob: "Well, this is it people! We're on our way. Please be friendly to each other and try to get along *smiles and turns into a fluffy bunny* or else it's the BAN brig for you!" *turns into a huge multi-headed acid spitting alien and accidently steps over Ensign Nav*

Exatreides: "OMG, you killed Nav!"

Nema: "That is not entirely correct. I believe he has just crushed Nav's heart, lungs, liver, stomach, intestines and kidneys. Fascinating. Send the patient to Doctor Edric."

A security team picks up Nav and takes him to sickbay.

In sickbay:

Edric: "Oh, what do we have here? Species 456 - unworthy of assimilation. That is most unfortunate..."

-the following scenes feature Edric's chainsaw implant in action on the patient and have been censored-

Back on the deck:

Mahdi: "We have arrived at Gunpoint, sir. Do you need some water, sir?"

Mahdi holds out a glass of water with a strange green color.

Gob: "No thanks, can't you see I'm all liquid anyway? Now, let's concentrate on the task at hand. What is wrong with this fansite?"

Exatreides: "Sir, I sense something... I'm not sure, but I think it's a giant space jellyfish used by the evil RA2 fans as a power supply and kept barely alive and separated from its mate who will come to the rescue. But that's just a wild guess."

Nema: "The correct formulation would have been: '[...]a giant space jellyfish used by the evil RA2 fans as a power supply, kept barely alive and forcibly separated from its mate[...]' "

Gob: "Ok, shut up, both of you! We need an away team to upload themselves to the Gunpoint fansite and see what's going on."

Mahdi: "I will lead the team! I MUST lead the team! We would want an unfortunate accident happening to our beloved captain, would we? Muhahahahahahahaha!!!"

Gob: "Err... okay... Mahdi, get down there ASAP. You might need security, so take Timenn with you. Take Edric too, there might be some guinea pigs... umm, I mean patients in need of his attention."

--- two hours later, in the download accelerator room ---

Transporter chief: "All set?"

Mahdi: "Muhahahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! Bwahahahaha!"

Edric: "He's been like that for two hours... maybe he'll need some... implants..." *smiles in an evil way* (well, as much as a Borg can smile...)

Timenn: "We're as ready as we'll ever be..." *using the voice* "Upload us NOW!"

>>>TO BE CONTINUED<<<

Don't miss the exciting Part II, in which the crew of FED2k meet the omnipotent being from the C&C continuum, Delphi!

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Timenn, you're a main character. Main characters are invulnerable and immortal in Star Trek. ;D

Except the recyclable Ensign Nav, that is. :)

I'm sorry Ordos45, I forgot about you. :'( Don't worry, I'll make you a recurring villain... Hmmm, let me think...

(Its okay, I was just happy not to be the extra. Umm, corrected a number error.)-O45

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Actually, Leto, I'm thinking of making you Edric's eternal Borg rival. :)

IxianMace, this is more of a spoof than sci-fi... well, actually, I AM writing a sci-fi novel... every now and then, when I get some inspiration, I write another page. At this rate I'll finish it in 20 years. ;D

But enough talk. Time for me to start writing Part II of this thing. I'll post it soon, I hope.

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Encounter at Gunpoint (Part II)

Mahdi, Timenn and Edric are uploaded to the Gunpoint fansite, where they find themselves... in a court room! And the judge looks strangely familiar...

"Defendants, how do you plea?"

"What, who, us??" asks Mahdi

"Look, I found some pancakes!" says Timenn

"The Executrix shall hear about this!" warns Edric

"Oh, I forgot, you're mere mortals! Let me introduce myself: I am the almighty Delphi, universe manager and member of the C&C continuum. You are on trial for not submitting to my will."

"What do you mean?" wonders Mahdi

"Mmmm, pancakes!" says Timenn as he eats 10 pancakes at a time with his sandworm mouth

Delphi is really annoyed. "You are barbarians! You play quality games, like...Emperor!!" says Delphi with disgust. "You actually think! Like, that's sooooo ninties!"

"We enjoy older forms of entertainment" accepts Edric

"You're pathetic! You enjoy quality games instead of flocking to RA2 like brainless zombies! And for that, I don't want you in my community. RA2 is the future. Soon, my dark masters at EA will dominate the minds of everyone. And you will not stand in their way."

Timenn has just finished eating his pancakes.

"Oh yeah? Well I'm head of security here and I think it's time for you to get the BAN treatment!"

Timenn lets his worm side take control. Soon, a giant Shai Hulud is hovering above Delphi.

"Puny mortals! I am omnipotent!" yells Delphi as he forces Timenn back into human form. Then, with a snap of his fingers, brings the rest of the FED2k crew to the court room.

"I have reached a verdict. Out in the desert of Arrakis... which by the way doesn't exist in this universe, but never mind... Anyway, out there I am ready to start a chain reaction that will kill all the sandworms, destroying all serverspice! Travel between sites will become impossible, the internet will end!! And so nobody will notice our lack of customer support and EA will rule the world. Oh, and you'll all die, too."

"Sir, I sense a plothole." says Exatreides

"Of course. This is a Star Trek spoof, remember?" snaps Gob "By the way, Delphi, my site-ship is fully automatic. The auto pilot Davo is ready to blow you to hell. Davo, NOW!!"

Photo torpedoes smash into Delphi, but he emerges unharmed.

"Muhahahahahaha! I could crush your puny site-ship with a mere wave of my hand! Let me show you my POWER..."

Ensign Nav materializes in the middle of the room wearing a red shirt with a big target on it. He looks horrified.

"Gob, this omnipotent being is too powerful. Downgrade him NOW!"

"Gob can't help you now, I will use you to show the others what happens to those who cross the almighty Delphi!"

Nav starts aging at tremendous speed. In a few minutes he's nothing more than a decaying corpse.

"Delphi, you show a troubling lack of imagination... According to my calculations, that kind of thing has already been used in Trek twice!" accuses Nema

"Hey, it was either that or getting him killed by some attractive alien female... Anyway, now I will execute the sentence. Say Goodbye!"

"KANLY!! As the Baron of H... uh, I mean mentat of House Ordos, I invoke kanly!" yells Edric as he steps forward

"Unfortunatelly I have no mentor that could offer to kill you for me, so I suppose I'll have to obliterate you myself." says Delphi as he pulls out a banstick "Is this a fight for the Gob?"

"Edric O can use my banstick if he wishes." states Gob

"I wish it!" says Edric as he takes Gob's banstick

*cool combat scene*

Edric charges forward, missing Delphi by a few milimetres. Delphi gracefully avoids Edric's thrust and brings his banstick to connect with Edric's leg. Edric moves back, then jumps through the air and lands behind Delphi, trying to hit him in the back. But Delphi senses his move and spins around, disarming Edric. With a swift karate move (ok, a Borg using karate... whatever...), Edric makes Delphi drop his banstick, then kicks it away. Edric then jumps over Delphi and pins him to the ground. An assimilation tubule can be seen on Edric's right hip. Edric looks triumphantly down on Delphi.

"You see? Your death, fool! My tubule will assimilate you and then you will live out your life (which is eternal, btw) in a pain amplifier!"

"It's over, cousin!"

"That wasn't in the script. And I'm not your cousin."

Edric lightly stabs Delphi with the tubule, then lets go of him. Delphi starts twitching. Soon his face turns grey and implants pop out all over his body.

Edric lets out an echoing roar:

"KAAAAAAANNLYYYYYYY!!!!!"

Gob walks over to Edric and congratulates him, then warns him not to assimilate any more WW employees or they'll be hell to pay. Edric swallows hard.

Then they all get uploaded back to FED2k. Edric has a new guinea pig to experiment on, but sadly after a few days Gob decides to press the Reset Button, which makes Delphi dissapear and brings back Ensign Nav. Oh well, at least it was fun while it lasted.

Join us again on the y... uh, I mean FED2k Trek!

THE END (of Episode 1)

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Bartender? Sad, but cool!!! Im a bartender

And Bajoran? I demand a remake, I hate those religios rigy people

Romulan all the way, or Trill, say im a trill in disguise, i love those trill people, all smart and old and young, with the personalitys of old in them.

I hope i get involved in this at some point.

YOU ALL NEED DRINKS

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Edric, good one :)

Well, it's an episode of Star Trek, you know what's in it Ex, next time it will be about other crew members.

But you can also spend a whole movie searching for a dead Nema :) (and resurrect him)

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