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Davidu

By Davidu
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gunner154

gunner154

Posted
Posted

I did that too! I compiled the best jokes into 2 huge emails and sent them to some of my friends. That was a long time ago, when the Jokes were updated rather frequently.

lowzeewee

lowzeewee

Posted
Posted

Not a joke this time, but just a couple of questions for you to answer:

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, which position are you in?

Third Question:

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.

Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000

Now add 10. What is the total?

*

*

*

*

*

*

Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,

4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Fifth Question:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

nemafakei

nemafakei

Posted
Posted

[hide]"You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?"

After overtaking, Second.

"If you overtake the last person, which position are you in?"

Actually, this is known as "lapping". You cannot overtake the last person, as they would not have been last, you would.

"What is the total?"

4100

"Did you get 5000?"

No.

"What is the name of the fifth daughter?"

All five daughters have been named; the fifth to be named is Nono, though the numbering implies Mary might have been fifth chronologically.

"Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?"

Unless he is mute as well, he presumably just asks for some. What he wants them for is another question, of course.[/hide]

lowzeewee

lowzeewee

Posted
Posted

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline,

A call centre in Afghanistan.

I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited

And Asked if I knew how to drive a truck

Or fly a plane

Q : What's Kate Moss's favourite TV show?

A : Whose line is it anyway?

A birth specialist told a couple expecting their first child that it is important for the man to go walking with the woman to maintain her good health. So the man replies, "Sure, but is it okay if she carries the golf bag?"

lowzeewee

lowzeewee

Posted
Posted

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has become the butt of jokes faster than it takes a hooker to ride Amtrak to Washington...

"I sat next to the guy three times and I didn't pick up on any of this," said Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert, "and I usually have excellent whore-dar."

"It's just mind-blowing that he spent $4,300 on a hooker," said New York comic Lisa Landry. "It just shows how high the cost of living is in New York. That same hooker would cost $50 in Newark."

"You know what the highest-paid government position in the country is? ... Working under New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer. It pays like $5,000 an hour," quipped "Tonight" host Jay Leno.

jeff2429

jeff2429

Posted
Posted

A blonde is watching the news with her husband.

The newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident."

The blonde starts crying. Turning to her husband she says sobbing, "That's horrible".

Confused, he responds, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving. And, well, there is that risk involved."

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing says, "Honey, how many is a Brazilian?"

jeff2429

jeff2429

Posted
Posted

A young couple were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband -- who was a big burly man -- tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers," she said.

"That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. "I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right, and that's the way it

lowzeewee

lowzeewee

Posted
Posted

3-year-old Reese:

"Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:

"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed:

"And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

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