My brother is an asshole

[Anathema]

For those of you I have pissed off or wondered lately why I'm being such a prick sometimes, I'll now explain. It's all my brother's fault.

He's always a pain in the ass. In grade school, I was basicly a little dweeb that got walked all over. When home, he'd do the same. My parents tried to defend him by saying that he stould up for me (when I wasn't looking). Maybe they meant the fact that he beat up several bullies in my youth, but that was more because he got into dipshit arguments then trying to defend a relative.

Things didn't really improve for me in high school. I wasn't picked on anymore, but at home I'd still be confronted with that asshole. Cussing over the slightest things where normal people would have made a friendly (or at least not rude) remark. Even when I hadn't done anything, it was somehow my fault without him being able to tell why. Of course there wouldn't be as much as an apology when somebody else said they'd done it, or if it turned out it was his dumbass self that got him into trouble.

By the end of high school things seemed to get better. I myself had built some character, and he seemed a little toned down so usually we were at the same wavelenght. He still had his occasional burst of unprovoked pissed-offness, but I didn't complain. Then I graduated, and started studying law. I moved to the city so I wouldn't have to travel each day (plus it's nice to get drunk there and always have a place to crash). I'd let him stay over when he went out there too. Whenever he was there, he'd help me out with computer issues that I don't know shit about. I finished first year with all courses complete, (by wich I had effectively accomplished more then he ever will, but that's another story) and everything seemed fine.

Now I'm halfway in the second year of university. Studying hasn't gone very well so far but I intend get my act together before long. As I said I often let him stay over at my appartment. As I did last night. He also started doing god knows what on my computer, and then informed me that my firewall was broken.This morning I went away to school, and came back after a couple of hours and he was still there. Reminding me that my firewall was down, he said it wasn't anything he had done (he never does anything wrong) so obviously it was my god damn fault. At first I was like WTF, who does that stupid ingrate think he is, staying over at my place and using my computer and then calling me a moron? I maintained that since I rarely touch the settings, I couldn't think of any way I could have screwed up. That didn't convince him.The conversation shifted to other things, but after a few minutes he got totally raged over things so trivial and meaningless you wouldn't believe it if you were there. So I decided to ignore him and try to check my e mail, but it wouldn't work. Neither did messenger and a bunch of other things. Apparently he had to break the silence, because out of nowhere he said that's because I had screwed up the firewall. He got totally pissed off again when I calmly said that I hadn't done anything. It wasn't even a row, because only he was cussing and yelling things while I tried to calm him down. Then he kicked a chair I happened to be sitting on, grabbed his jacket and left, calling me stupid while he went. What a jerk.

He send a text message to my phone a couple of minutes later, apologising. Fuck that moron. He's gone to far this time, yelling at me and accusing me of stupidity while he's enjoying my hospitality, then expect that it's all okay because he's sorry? I'm not implying that I'm perfect (though you should have figured that out by now), but he's been little more then pain and sorrow for me and my family from the moment that he was born. Of course he could lay down the pot (did I mention he smokes pot in my room and leaves a mess

[Tako]

I've been there too Anathema, in some way atleast.

My brother was an asshole to but in the last few years when quit working at the Caf

[Marcel71]

You can choose your friends, not your family...

I do not have too much contact with my family at all.

I can't help it that they are my family, neither can they help it i am theirs ;)

I see them occasionally, but i'd rather associate with people i choose to associate with, then with people you 'have' to associate with.....

It's impossible to get along with everybody... brother or no brother..

[Megashrap]

All that rivalry will eventually pass with age.

[Andrew]

Older brothers are a pain as a child. I have one, but once I hit high school, not much happened. As a child, things were kind of crazy between us. ;)

I'm in university now (with more education than my entire family) and my brother comes down to party when we do have parties. Pub crawl tonight he is coming on. When he gets really drunk we sometimes have to take him home or carry him. That sucks.

We don't fight any, although we don't talk much either. Not much to talk about I guess.

And it is kinda funny, he hangs out with my friends a lot now, more than I do because during the school year I don't get to see them much (I live 45 minutes away from home). Well, we are all friends, because of family/location.

I get pissed off and depressed at the inefficiency and stupidity of my family sometimes. They have little money and yet they do nothing about it. Got to look like the "Jones's". Last November when I was calculating my money projections, I was projecting a negative, so for a month and a 1/2 I drastically cut spending. I stayed sober for that time period. Now I can breakeven and possibly be in the green.

And they always borrow money from me! Father says he will pay me back, although unlikely. He thinks I'm rich! I owe the government $17 000 dollars, will need $20 000 for a car when I graduate so I can get to work, no real job experience, an equity of around $3500... and yet he wanted me to buy mother a Christmas present other than what I had already got her. The previous two Christmas's I spent a total of $1000 for her Christmas presents for one item each year (more than my father spent by far, probably because he could not afford it). I'm my parents investment for when they get older, because if I get a good job, I can pay for them to live "happily" when older. (No pensions, farmers, I will be controlling their spending if they do that ;)) >:(

Sad that he text messaged you, would have meant more if in person. Damn technology.

Also scar5150 a sickness/death in the family (extended too) will bring family closer.

Our extended family has had lots of deaths in the past 2 years. Brang us closer, even though we were all close to begin with. (Also due to the fact that the children of each family are all grown up.)

[Anathema]

I'm 19, and my brother will be 21 in less then 2 months. At some point it's time to stop and draw your conclusions: it's not going to get any better. He's to arrogant to realise that his behaviour is not normal. Many times in the past I thought that my brother had changed only to go through the same old shit again. I'll be fair and say that he does have a positive side, but that's not going to make up for all the shit he put me through.

[veK]

beat him up really hard...

this worked out for a friend of mine. he kicked his older brothers ass real bad after his brother treated him bad again... since then his brother his afraid of him and grants respect to him...

[GUNWOUNDS]

I'm 19, and my brother will be 21 in less then 2 months. At some point it's time to stop and draw your conclusions: it's not going to get any better. He's to arrogant to realise that his behaviour is not normal. Many times in the past I thought that my brother had changed only to go through the same old shit again. I'll be fair and say that he does have a positive side, but that's not going to make up for all the shit he put me through.

ok ok calm down.... 19 is still very young and so is 21.

[Cyborg]

Yes... Cold beer solves all your problems :P

[Khan]

Don't relax and let time heal, because things never just heal with time, except for wounds. If you have a problem you need to deal with it. I know from the experience of my own family that if you let things go on as they are it will just continue on the downward spiral. Unless you talk to your brother he won't change by himself, being an asshole is too much fun to just stop, why else would there be so many of them.

[Cyborg]

I agree with Khan...

I've had many problems in my life, and dealt with them as soon as possible. It seemed that the problems I didn't solve myself were never solved.

Having a good life requires quite a bit of work...

Remember, you live YOUR life for YOUR sake, and nobody else's.

[Megashrap]

Don't relax and let time heal, because things never just heal with time, except for wounds. If you have a problem you need to deal with it. I know from the experience of my own family that if you let things go on as they are it will just continue on the downward spiral. Unless you talk to your brother he won't change by himself, being an asshole is too much fun to just stop, why else would there be so many of them.

But were not talking about deep seeded, horrific emotional distress, but rather a kid acting like a kid.  And yes time will take care of that. I guarantee if about say ten years or so from now you could bring up this thread and read it, you would probably be embarassed as hell at such trivial silly shit as acting like an asshole. Once you have experienced everyday life on your own and the priorities involved, you will understand what I mean. My sister and I always hated each other growing up. And I would backstab her to get her in trouble any way I could and so would she.

But now we both have our own lives, get along just fine and we would do pretty much anything for each other at anytime. The only simple way to explain it is time and some more maturity. Speaking for myself ( and i'm most certain other adults would agree) up to the time I turned 18 or 19 I knew more than anyone else did in the entire world, after living in the real world on my own though, you have to accept sooner or later that you don't know jack squat, and what your parents tried to tell you actually does make sense.  Time, time, time.

[nemafakei]

Well, make it clear to him that he won't be staying at your apartment or using your computer again. Simply put, if he can't act maturely, then he doesn't deserve to be treated as if he could. So long as you make it clear to him (and are prepared to act appropriately) that he has no purchase on you and will not be tolerated if he acts up (and that he has a problem), then he'll be forced to either leave you alone or behave. Only once he has shown he can consistently behave can you be expected to forgive him.

[Khan]

If you don't deal with your problems you just put them to one side, but you don't forget them. One day it will become too much, your brother will push you over the edge and the memories will all come flooding back, and that won't be a pretty site to see. To people who think matters like this can simply be forgotten I have one thing to say... nervous breakdowns, they're never caused by the big things that wreck peoples lives, but the small things that build up and build up.

[Anathema]

It's kind of solved right now, thanks to cold beer ;)

[ordos45]

I like Nema's suggestion myself...but beer works.

[GUNWOUNDS]

It's kind of solved right now, thanks to cold beer ;)

told ya i was right...

[Marcel71]

ok ok calm down.... 19 is still very young and so is 21.

[GUNWOUNDS]

hehe, Gunwounds is even very different if you look over a period of 2 years...

I still have some IM from him, where you would not recognize his behaviour anymore if you only know him from lately

[Anathema]

Since I'm awake now (and can't get to sleep anyway) I might as well post the latest development.

He send me a text message at 1:33 in the night asking if it's ok to stay over. I'm not happy with this because I've got to get up early tomorrow for college and yet can't sleep, but send back something like "ok, sure" anyway.

When he gets here I don't respond enthusiasticly (not really rude, though). He asks "what's up" and I respond with "do you think it's normal to announce you're coming over in the middle of the night?"

He actually takes offence from this, and leaves. Good I say. It's time he stopped taking everything for granted (such as my hospitality)

I assume he's going to take a cab home (our parents). I don't care. F*ck him.

[Andrew]

I hate supporting my parents financially. :(

Just wrote off $360 they borrowed. And I got to pay $850 rent in 5 days.

Good thing I financially planned them defaulting on it (like always!), or else I would need to get a short term loan.

And they always borrow money from me! Father says he will pay me back, although unlikely.

Wow, I was right.

It always ruins my day when this happens. Makes me want to slap them silly.

Relates to this thread as my brother as far as I know is not helping them (probably because he has no $). And he is working...

I needed to vent this somewhere.

Tip of the day: Don't farm. You wont be able to support your family.

It would be different if he phoned you sometime earlier in the day and asked to stay there the night. But coming unannounced late at night is not good.

[Anathema]

Yeah it would have been. And I'm amazed that he doesn't see it that way too.

Are your parents in financial trouble? Kids I think should be supportive of their parents, but not financially :-

[Andrew]

Well they farm. Never really had money (although used too, farming was better, but I was a child so it could've hidden or I didn't want to know it). I have no idea of their finances, just that they tend to borrow money from me to pay some of their bills. Sure, maybe I could pay "rent" for the summer months I live at home when not at school, but I don't know anyone else that does. And I'm paying rent for my apt year round anyway...

They don't seem able to control their money (the little they do have). When I don't have money or when I know I'm not going to have money I quit spending all money. They don't seem to do this. Probably why we don't get along as good as we used to, as I'm disgruntled at them for not saving any money.

To quote my father when I brought this up tonight "We are going through tough times, you understand that right? Don't tell your mother..."

When asked why she doesn't need to know that he defaulted on my money and why he doesn't share every finance aspect with her  "She knows, [blah blah blah]"

Makes sense, farming sucks and all, but doesn't explain why they bought the newspaper today if they can not pay their bills. Can't teach an old dog new tricks. :P

Oh well, soon I will not lend money and watch them crash and burn. Then they will have to reform what they do. Lending with conditions (or at least secured). >:D

[Anathema]

It sounds like your parents are really immature when it comes to dealing with money. The best way to learn new things is having to deal with the consequenses of your actions instead of having people cover for you. I'd say let them learn before they end up sucking you dry.

I'm off to bed now, trying to get some sleep.

[lowzeewee]

Just throw your brother's belongings out of your apartment and leave it at the door with a bottle of coke, a muffin, some money and a note to tell him to "go find a cheap motel to hide his sorry ass in and then fuck off". Seriously, I am not joking. Since you have lost all hope in him changing for the better, I guess it's time to give him a taste of his own medicine.

What good is salt when it has lost its saltiness? It will just be thrown on the ground for all to trample on.