number6 Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 I very rarely start threads like this, but something has happened recently that has truly bothered me. I will not use real names, but I want to get everyone else's feel on this issue.Suppose you have a friend, we will call him Bill, that comes to you for help because they respect your advice and feel that you have some influence over the problem. Bill is not a close friend, but you think well enough of him to listen and try and help as best you can. Bill explains to you that a good friend of yours, let's call him Dan, is degrading him and would like you to do something about it. Well you look into the matter and see where Bill might be offended by the remarks made by Dan. At the same time you discover Bill cursing at your friend Dan so you step in and say something to both of them. It is apparent that the 2 individuals don't like each other much, but you hope that your intervention has helped a little. You talk to Bill and Dan Seperately trying to feel out what the problem is and explain that is best not to hold a grudge, blah, blah,blah. Later you go to Dan, your good friend, and mention that you hope he did not take offense with the intervention. You also mention that you were not personally offended by the remark that Dan Made, but see how other, more sensitive types could be. Now another of your close friends, lets call him benedict Arnold, happens to hear that discussion with Dan. You have no reason to suspect he will share this information with Bill. He knows Bill as well and knows he would not like being called sensitive. Instead of saying something to me and Dan (if he was outraged about it you'd think he would) he goes off and shares my private conversation with Bill. Bill is outraged that I would say such a thing and says he does not trust me anymore because I am conspiring against him. I am amazed that he heard my private conversation and tell him I am not his enemy, but I did say something like that to my buddy Dan. Dan you remember I know much better than Bill. I like Bill, but my friendship with Dan is a lot more solid and I see nothing all that wrong with what he did in the first place. I guess I should just of ignored Bill's request for help, but I wanted to help him with his problem as much as I could. What I find is more wrong is that someone who knew better shared information he should not have, just to stir up Bill. What does the rest of the community think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobalopper Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 This sounds oddly familiar... but no it doesn't really surprise me considering past events. You learn to trust very few people on the internet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
number6 Posted August 21, 2003 Author Share Posted August 21, 2003 It's funny, but this is the first time is happened to me online. Good observation though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 Some people should stop fighting each other. I do not know what started the fight or why they fight, but maybe we should stop fighting.Because some people have different values etc. is no reason to always bicker.I am not sure if a friend would purposly hurt your feelings, although they may do it sometimes, for no reason.(like in real life to me) If they purposely hurt your feelings knowing the consequences then... >:(Trust no one.Keep your allies close and your enemies closer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
number6 Posted August 21, 2003 Author Share Posted August 21, 2003 Well keeping your enemy closer in this instance has caused collateral damage as they say. Good points though :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zamboe Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 It's part of life to make choices as we go on.Sometimes we just have to choose not the best option, but the less bad one. I guess this might be your case now. Make a choice and take a side, but don't stay in somekind of limbo (neither good or bad) you can't go wrong that way.Just my 2 c$. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMA_1 Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 gob is right. I have learned that, it is hard to have friends online. For a few reasons I think. First of all you dont really know the person you are bitter with or are friends with. You also dont know as easily when a person is joking, or being mean, or any other sort of emotional trait online. It is all very hard because frankly body language and tone of voice and so amny other thigns are vitally important to any sort of real communication. I finally broke down and severed all ties with those that I will never gain ground with. Mainly because they dont like me and I dont like them, it is a mutual fault.lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
number6 Posted August 21, 2003 Author Share Posted August 21, 2003 TMA that is well put. I would like to IM you about the matter some more, but your inbox is full. Could you free it up a bit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Navaros Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 yeah it's true, people are backstabbing swine, generally speakingi've been backstabbed by so many guys on this very site that i'm starting to lose count, many of whom have even posted in this very threadyou should stop being friends with the guy who backstabbed you. that is not the kind of guy you want as a friend.backstabbers are the lowest form of life. even lower than slugs or leeches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExSPlug Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 At least you know that you're being backstabbed...and who stabbed you :-Back to topic, I suggest you to ask the Arnold why the heck did he spill that out >:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nemafakei Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 Since there seems to be no constructive purpose in Arnold's disclosure of private information, Arnold was probably very much in the wrong. However, he may have misinterpreted - which seems to happen very much more often on the net than actual callousness. Have you approached him, and if so, what explanation was given?To answer the more general question, it may well occasionally be necessary to damage people in the short term that they might learn in the long term. The best way to do this is indirectly - influence people's reactions to others, to amplify and so to make them aware of problems. As for 'backstabbing', again, be careful with how you have come across to start with, and how you have interpreted others' reactions. It may be that one party has appeared brusque, or even obtuse. Always check to see if reactions are not the sort you would expect in response to a badly worded or impolite post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyarlathotep Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 Try this:Get a few friends together, one starts telling a story to 1 other person. He then tells it to 1 other person... at the end, look at how much of the story still stands... Most likely not much...What you encountered sucks badly. Arnold just plain and simple sucks, he should know better. There's no other way of putting it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
number6 Posted August 21, 2003 Author Share Posted August 21, 2003 I appreciate all the feedback thus far. It is possible maybe once to make the mistake that Arnold made, but I forgot to mention he has done this before and said he would never do it again. I don't think it was a simple mistake. He did it to piss off Bill. Nyarlathotep brings up an excellent point I failed to mention. Arnold does not tell the whole conversation and conveniently leaves out parts that alter the whole meaning of the discussion. Some of the info Arnold gives to Bill is totally wrong as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
playerap Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 its the internet dude get over it and geta real life and dont care about what happens on the internet it means nuttin ::) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acriku Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 its the internet dude get over it and geta real life and dont care about what happens on the internet it means nuttin ::)Excuse playerap, he seems to forget that this is a tight-knit community and has been for many many months. A couple of years for some. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
number6 Posted August 22, 2003 Author Share Posted August 22, 2003 There always has to be somebody that tries to be a smart ass that responds with such great insight like "Get a life" or "Get over it". As I said in my original post I very rarely, actually this is the first time, post such threads. This thread has 12 posts and is still on one page. I don't see how I am over doing anything here. If you have nothing to add to the discussion I suggest you get a life and stop trying to pretend like you are cool. It would have been better for you to simply not respond playerap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
playerap Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 number 6 and to akuri i have been hhere for years 1 1/2 we all understand uv been betrayed but why tell everyone man . ,,, ?its the internet !!!!! its gonna happen u dont need to cry about it get all acted up ..it happens to all of us u can post about it evey time it happens if u want .. but just dont the person that u had a argument with just pm talk to them dont tell ur buisness to everyone its like asking everyone is this girl meant for me .. and asking opionions truthfully i can see why he did that to u u seem to be annoying so i have no sympothy for u Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonic-worm Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 Hey #6 you seem like a cool dude intelligent,interesting etc. and just like McDusty you are having a tough time right now.Well guess what ..You will get over it.That may be hard to visulise at this moment but you will(both of you)...I do think you are very mature in 'talking' this through with your 'friends'and i hope things work out for you (both)soon..And hopefully your 'skin' will be a little thicker because of it. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyarlathotep Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 number 6 and to akuri i have been hhere for years 1 1/2 we all understand uv been betrayed but why tell everyone man . ,,, ?its the internet !!!!! its gonna happen u dont need to cry about it get all acted up ..it happens to all of us u can post about it evey time it happens if u want .. but just dont the person that u had a argument with just pm talk to them dont tell ur buisness to everyone its like asking everyone is this girl meant for me .. and asking opionions truthfully i can see why he did that to u u seem to be annoying so i have no sympothy for u A) He's asking for peoples opinions, there's nothing wrong with that. Like he said, if you can't contribute, stay out of it.B) Try reading again and respond something worthwile instead of just bashing a person cause he asks an opinion... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
playerap Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 no one is bashing him i gave my opinion like u said so get over it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyarlathotep Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 I wasn't talking about just anyone.. I was talking about you..If someone asks a opinion, don't reply to him to get a life.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
number6 Posted August 22, 2003 Author Share Posted August 22, 2003 Topic locked due to playerap flaming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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