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JOKE: Comparitive Analysis of World Religious (and other) Philosophies

SurlyPIG
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SurlyPIG

SurlyPIG

Posted
Posted

I thought this was too funny. It's a total joke so take it lightly, but be warned that it is moderately profane and very ruthless. ;D

Comparative Analysis of World Religious (and other) Philosophies (using the phrase 'shit happens)

Taoism: Shit Happens

Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit Happens"

Buddhism: If Shit Happens, it isn't really Shit

Zen (Rinzai): What is the sound of Shit Happening?

Zen (Soto): Shit just Happens

Hinduism: This Shit Happened before

Sikhism: Leave our Shit alone

Jainism: Don't accidentally swallow flies and Shit

Islam: If Shit Happens, it is the will of Allah

Nation of Islam: Don't take no Shit!

Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Shit Happens, Rama Rama *ding ding*

Agnosticism: Does Shit Happen?

Atheism: No Shit!

Catholicism: Shit Happens because you are BAD

Protestantism: Catholics are full of Shit

Methodism: Let Shit Happen to somebody else

Calvinism: Shit Happens because you don't work hard enough

Presbyterianism: This Shit was bound to Happen

Episcopalianism: If Shit Happens, hold a procession

Lutheranism: Shit Happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK

Anglicanism: Shit Happens, but only to Lutherans

Mormonism: Excrement Occurs

Baptist: You're Shitting all wrong, and you're going to hell for it, too

Pentacostal: Praise the Shit!

Christian Science: Shit is all in your mind

Existentialism: What is Shit anyway?

Hedonism: There's nothing like a good Shit Happening

Dadaism: Bathtub full of power tools

Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock. Shit Happens!

Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation can prevent this Shit from

Happening.

Fundamentalism: There's no Shit in the Bible

Creationism: Shit has only been Happening since October 23rd, 4004 B.C.

Judaism: Why does Shit always Happen to us?

Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives?

Moonies: Only happy Shit really Happens

Wicca: Shit is part of the Goddess, too

Paganism: Shit Happens for a variety of reasons

Pantheism: It's all a bunch of Shit

Panentheism: Shit transcends us

Mysticism: This is some weird Shit

Unitarianism: Go ahead, Shit anywhere you want

Vegetarianism: If it Shits, don't eat it

Scientology: All this Happens to be Shit

Church of the SubGenius: Shit has happened. For $20 "BoB" will sell

you a way to MAKE MONEY FROM IT.

Discordianism: Hail Shit!

Seventh Day Adventist :No Shit on Saturdays

Amish: Shit is good for the soil

Stoicism: This Shit is good enough for me

Zoroastrianism: Shit Happens half the time

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this Shit.

Voodoo: Let's stick some pins in this Shit.

Twelve Step Program: Shit Happens one day at a time

Environmentalism: Shit is biodegradable.

New Age: It's not Shit, it's feldspar.

Which ones are your favourites? I especially like Rastafarianism, Vegetarianism, Mormonism and Jehova's Witness.

ordos45

ordos45

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I did take it lightly, and an interesting connection there. By the way, forgot to mention something last post...You're Going to Hell! ;D Just kidding.

Navaros

Navaros

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that list forgot to add Fremen:

Fremen: shit happens all over my skin when i am in the middle of trying to fight a battle :( i feel it squishing against me while those Sards own my whole crew due to the distraction this shit is causing us. on the other hand, shit controls the universe so it can't be all bad, but unfortunately for us, not Fremen shit, just Worm shit

Davidu

Davidu

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GREAT ONE!!!

Communism: Be good, share your shit.

Fascism: This is pure shit.

Liberals: Liberalise this shit.

Conservators: This shit is good enough not to be changed.

Socialists: Shit for everyone.

Parliamentary: A WHOLE building full of shit.

Presidency: One big shit and some smaller shits around.

Monarchy: Shit from generation to generation.

Tribe: The shit belongs to the tribe.

Acriku

Acriku

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George Bush: Read my lips, no nude shit. But a thousand points of shit.

Saddam Hussein: This shit happening will be the mother of all shit happenings.

Martin L. King: I have a shit...

John F. Kennedy: Ich bin ein Scheisser.

Vladimir Lenin: The fastest and most complete way to destroy a culture is to make its shit happen.

Joseph McCarthy: Are you now, or have you ever been, a happening shit?

Richard Nixon: I am not a shit.

Aristotle: Once a shit is stretched by an idea, it never again happens in its original shape.

Galileo: They say shit isn't happening. Nevertheless it still happens.

R. Descartes: I shit therefore I am.

A. Einstein: God does not play shit.

W. Heisenberg: The more accurately we observe when shit happened, the less accurately we observe how big the shit was that happened.

E. Schrodinger: There's a 50% chance that shit happened. And a 50% chance that it didn't.

F. Nietzche: If shit had never happened, man would create shit.

Ayn Rand: Reason and shit are corollaries. Where reason is used, shit happens.

Sturgeon: 90% of everything is shit.

Neil Armstrong: For me, that was just a little shit. But when that shit happened, it was one giant leap for mankind.

Bart Simpson: I will not say, `Shit happened' in the class.

Al Bundy: his is shit. This is shit when you get married and drop the shit on the ground.

Bill Cosby: Shit is happening to _The Simpsons_.

Buckaroo Bonzai: No matter where shit happens, there you are.

HAL: Dave, I'm in deep shit.

Dr. Chandra, will I shit?

Dave: Oh my god! It's full of shit!

Obi Wan: Use your shit, Luke.

Marty Mcfly: Don't ever never call me shit.

Gremlins: Don't shit after 12 o'clock.

Jessica Rabbit: I'm not shit. I'm just drawn that way.

Robocop: Please stay out of deep shit.

Hari Seldon: Each shit is random. But mob shit is predicable.

Yuppie: It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful?

God: Wholly shit!

Davidu

Davidu

Posted
Posted

Long time no shit.

Nice shit, I'll take it.

The army is currently using the submaSHITTINGgun.

Flying (smart) shit hit several building in Baghdad this morning...

Missles with shit warhead.

Davidu

Davidu

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Hey, I dclare this thread (with written approval of course... ;) ) the official thread for shit postings. If you've got a shit - post it.

Davidu

Davidu

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Posted

Buddhism: You must get in touch with your inner shit (phisically) in order to raise your conscience to a higher level.

Man! I'm good at this shit!

Acriku

Acriku

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Posted

Eastwood: You've got to ask yourself one question, Do I feel shitty? Well do ya punk?

Morpheus: Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Shit is. You have to see it for yourself.

Morpheus: Throughout human history, we have been dependent on shit to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of shit.

Spoon boy: There is no shit.

Tank: So what do you need? Besides a miracle.

Neo: Shit. Lots of Shit.

;D

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