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Davidu

By Davidu
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Anathema

Anathema

Posted
Posted

And it doesn't quite work because European has to be pronounced in one hell of a strange way to sound like that.

That was supposed to be the funny part? I thought it was more a hint at Europeans being shitty or something. Still very much unfunny though.

Anathema

Anathema

Posted
Posted

Are europeans unfamiliar with knock knock jokes and why did the chicken cross the road jokes as well?  *chuckle*

I'm familiar with them, but only because they're used on TV and in movies. They're non existent in Europe, or at least in the Netherlands.

That nut joke sure is tasteless, funny though :)

Megashrap

Megashrap

Posted
Posted

SCHITT FAMILY TREE

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Soon you will be able to handle this situation....

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, maried O.Schitt, the owner of Knee-Deep Schitt Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie, the twins Deep and Dip, Fulla, Giva and Bull Schitt. Against his parents strong objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.

After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe Schitt married Mr Scherlock and, because her kids were living with them, decided to keep her previous name also. She was known as Noe Schitt Scherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and the produced a cowardly son - Chick Noe Schitt (Chick N. Schitt for short).

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseperable throughout childhood and consequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd, and Horse Schitt.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new Italin bride, Pisa Schitt. Now, when someone says that you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them....

Megashrap

Megashrap

Posted
Posted

FIVE FLOORS

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads,' For Women Only'. Since they were without their boyfriends or parents, they decide to go in.

The desk clerk, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. 'We have 5 floors...go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside.'

So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads,' All the men here have it short and thin.'

The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads,' All the men here have it long and thin.'

Still, this wasn't good enough, so the friends move up to the third floor, where the sign reads, 'All the men here have it short and thick.'

This was still another disappointment, but knowing there are still 2 floors left, they move on to the next floor.

On the fourth floor, the sign was perfect. 'All the men here have it long and thick.'

The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they were missing, they go to the fifth floor, where the sign reads, 'There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that it is impossible to please you damn women.'

Megashrap

Megashrap

Posted
Posted

Nevermind, the joke clearly went 50 miles over your head. Are we posting jokes here or do we have to teach on how to actually get the joke, then respond to a string of crappy critiques? If ya like em, good if not, sorry you didn't. Lets not try to create some holy war over a joke that happened to have the word European in it, damn move along already.

Khan

Khan

Posted
Posted

Nevermind, the joke clearly went 50 miles over your head. Are we posting jokes here or do we have to teach on how to actually get the joke, then respond to a string of crappy critiques? If ya like em, good if not, sorry you didn't. Lets not try to create some holy war over a joke that happened to have the word European in it, damn move along already.

Well I clearly get the joke, if you read my posts, it's just that it just doesn't work if you pronounce European 'properly' (considering that it is an english speaking forum).

Khan

Khan

Posted
Posted
And Khan as Dj said before
If you don't like the jokes, you don't have to reply

No, but I want to comment, and no one has provided a good reason as to why I shouldn't. :P

erjin999

erjin999

Posted
Posted

Your comments are not in the spirit of the thread.

No one seems to appreciate them.

Those are the two reasons I can come up with, maybe someone else can do better, without being rude !

Megashrap

Megashrap

Posted
Posted

OIL CHANGES

Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube 3000 miles after the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Men:

1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 13mm box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on hand in the process.

12. Clean up.

13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

14. Look for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips head screwdriver and twist it off.

16. Beer.

17. Buddy shows up. Finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car, dump in hole in back yard.

19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during steps 11, 15, & 18.

20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to 7-11 and buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. Pan is empty. Find drain plug in back yard hole.

26. Hurry to replace drain plug as last drop of fresh oil drains onto floor.

27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

28. Bang head on bumper in reaction.

29. Begin cussing fit.

30. Throw wrench.

31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit picture of Miss December (1982).

32. Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

33. Beer.

34. Beer.

35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

36. Beer.

37. Lower car from jack stands.

38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 26.

40. Drive car a quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another oil change.

Khan

Khan

Posted
Posted

Your comments are not in the spirit of the thread.

No one seems to appreciate them.

Those are the two reasons I can come up with, maybe someone else can do better, without being rude !

Fair enough, guess I'll stop then.

Kiyouta

Kiyouta

Posted
Posted

Uhh but they are true. :O

Waiter Waiter! This chicken is cold.

Waiter: Well I'm not surprised, its been dead for half a week.

Waiter Waiter! This chicken has one leg longer than the other.

Waiter: What do you want to do? Eat it or dance with it?

Uhh well I liked em. ;D

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