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Story for English


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Whiel the title sounds lke it is a childrens story, it is actually a satire of childrens stories, hopefully as entertaining for preteens/teens/adaults as for little kids.   Ignore the footnotes.

The Brilliant Bunny and the Not So Clever Fox

     Once upon a time, in a land three blocks away, their lived a very intelligent bunny (who just happened to have an IQ of 267, and, believe you me, he never let anybody forget it).  There also lived a fox.  Not one of those “crazy as a fox” type foxes, but an ordinary, run of the mill, animal of average smarts .  One day the fox felt a pain in the pit of his stomach.  He was hungry.  He was really hungry.  The last time he had been this hungry he had desperately wolfed  down some odd looking creature that walked on its hind legs.  That creature had given him heartburn though, so this time he would have to find something better to eat.  That’s when he noticed our genius bunny.  The bunny had just finished a lecture on quantum mechanics and there influence on the space time continuum, in connection with the laws of cold fusion.  He had with him a story book that one of the first grade students he had spoken to had given him.  It was about how this frog had kept foiling the attempts of a cat to eat him.  Usually the bunny, in his all knowing snootiness, would never even consider reading such an elementary book.  I mean, the people who wrote it even used words like “all knowing” instead of “omniscient”.  Clearly, the bunny thought, this author was suffering from some major mental disability.  Then he saw the fox tracking him.  The bunny decided to put some of the elements of the book to a test; he figured that even if they didn’t work, he could still evade this animal of far lesser intelligence.  Did I mention this rabbit had a bit of an ego?  No?  I’m  sure I did.  All right, all right, I believe you, I forgot to mention it.  Jeez , talk about a bad audience.  If you’re  going to take issue with such a small thing like me forgetting to mention the bunny’s ego, maybe I should just stop telling the story.  What’s  that?  I thought so.

     Anyway, while we’ve  been arguing, our great bunny, before whom all tremble with awe, managed to find himself a well, and covered the top of it with an assortment of leaves and twigs.  It was just solid enough to hold his weight, and most definitely not a foxes.  He sat on this well, and waited.  As he had hoped, the fox pounced, and the bunny, with his bunny speed common to all rabbits, managed to evade the attack, and the fox fell through the cover into the well.  The rabbit was pleased.  Perhaps this book was useful after all.  He decided to try the next trick in it.  He collected everything he needed, and sat down in the open meadow.  By now the fox had managed to escape the well, how is another story.  Suffice to say, it involved leprechauns, magic tortilla chips, and an evil puppet named George.  Anyway, back to our story.  The fox pounced once more, and this time the bunny pulled out a garbage can lid he had been hiding.  Wham!   The fox fell to the ground with a concussion.  The bunny new he had a concussion, because he conducted a physical examination of the fox while it was unconscious.  College boys .  Yeesh.    

     What’s  that?  I keep getting side tracked?  Who’s telling the story here?!   Eh?   Just back off dude, just back off.  


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Anyway, our brave and super-intelligent bunny, who had, during a potty break, discovered cancers cure, decided to try one final action from his storybook.  He led the fox to a big hill, where it was very, very dark.  He then ran into a cave.  The fox, being very cautious this time, followed slowly.  In the cave he couldn’t see anything.  He felt something fuzzy, like fur.  He pounced on it.  Yeah, I agree, it was a dumb move.  Cut the guy some slack, he just got a concussion.   Besides, this story is called The Brilliant Bunny, not The Brilliant Fox.  Well, the pile of fur happened to be a bear and the fox got his but whipped bad , or as our pal the bunny would say: “The fox lost the ensuing fight.”  The bunny watched the fight for a little while, but quickly lost interest.  It did not hold any intellectual stimulation for him, and he was in a hurry to finish his transmogrification of Moby Dick in Swahili for his first grade students.  That night, after he finished writing, he turned off his little light, locked his little door, and tucked his little body into his little bed.

     And the fox ate him in his sleep.   Ha, got you didn’t I?   You all thought the bunny was going to win, because he was so smart, so tricky, AND he was the good guy.   Well that’s life for you.  You see, the bunny might have been smarter, he might have been tricker, he may have even wanted to live more than the fox wanted to eat him, but all that only counts for so much.   The moral of the story is: in real life, sometimes the fox wins.   Oh, and don’t brag about how smart you are.  Be humble.  I just threw that moral in.  It sounds good

     What did you expect to happen?  I mean, really, I’ve been keeping this story as real as it gets.  This could be an adaptation of a discovery channel.  Hey, if you don’t like it, don’t blame me.   Go read some feel good Robert Munch, Mother Goose fairy tale if you want, but you’ll be sorry.   You’ll be sorry, this is as real as it gets, this will prepare you for life.   Hey, where are you going?!  Come back here!  Fine, I don’t need you, I’ll find someone else to read my stories.   Wait, don’t leave, I’m sorry, it will never happen again….

The End.

(Or is it?)

Yes, it is.

Ha, you thought it was the end, didn’t you?

Ok, seriously, this time it’s the end.

Or is it?

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