thomas Posted January 5, 2002 Share Posted January 5, 2002 Here is a story I am writing, It is the first part. Tell me what you think of it.--------------------------------------------------------------------- while walking up Tibits Road, Ryan Waren casualy looked through the latest issue of "Children of Ice", his favorite comic. It was about a superhero,Artic Avenger, who could controll ice. He fought against isotope,a biological terror caused by a radiation spill. Ryan was not your average 21 year old. He was enthralled by the comics he read, and didn't like any of the girls at his collage, but loved aqua, the superwoman who could controll water, and defended paragon city with other superheroes. He also stated his opion out loud and didn't care what others thought, that cost him though. Although he didn't notice it many people disliked him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nampigai Posted January 5, 2002 Share Posted January 5, 2002 Well it's a fairly good start, will you post a new every day or something? ;D I'm looking forward to the next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted January 5, 2002 Author Share Posted January 5, 2002 I will continue this story and start new ones later, :) I like ordos45's stories so I decided to write my own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted January 6, 2002 Author Share Posted January 6, 2002 Ryan looked at his leg, the bone was jutting out, then at the gangters, there was noway he was getting out of this mess."So what shall we do with the little puke?" asked havoc to the other two gangsters. "Why don't we just shoot him up with some Zolacion?" one of the gangsters asked. "No, you idiot. That might just deform him.....yeah lets do that." said Havoc. Havoc pulled something round out of his pocket, a vile. He then put it into a syringe." The cops will just think he ODed" chuckled Havoc. Havoc then brought the syringe down to inject Ryan. A million thing came through Ryans head. He couldn't think straight. He then became overcome with fear. and started mumbling."I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I shall turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. " Havoc then pissed at his mumbling kicked Ryan in the side of the head not too hard but enough to knock him out. Ryan then blacked out hearing "The cops won't suspect a thing...____________________________________________Well here is the second part tell me what you think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ligic_Tha_Master Posted January 6, 2002 Share Posted January 6, 2002 That's good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia_of_the_Knife Posted January 6, 2002 Share Posted January 6, 2002 Add more! Add more!!!Pan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nampigai Posted January 6, 2002 Share Posted January 6, 2002 It's good trh ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ordos45 Posted January 6, 2002 Share Posted January 6, 2002 Anthrax gang? ;D Graphic violence, I love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted January 6, 2002 Author Share Posted January 6, 2002 needed a good gang name and it just popped in my head Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia_of_the_Knife Posted January 7, 2002 Share Posted January 7, 2002 Keep it coming!Anyway, good name for the gang. Realistic.Pan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted January 7, 2002 Author Share Posted January 7, 2002 ok part 3 of our epic.What should this turn into, I have several possibilitys but I need your opinion. :D for my other version which enables you to join in as regular people or superheroes. corny huh. go to www.city of heroes.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6168&pagenumber=1or www.cityofheroes.com/forums/ and go to roleplay then go to the thread paragon city. by ivellios(me) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted January 7, 2002 Author Share Posted January 7, 2002 I will rewrite the story but with little change but better english. I accidentaly put he heard havoc say "the cops wont suspect a thing" in a draft for my friends mom, who profread it.(she is the editor of his dad who writes science novels on creation[Hugh Ross])rather than "the cops will just think he ODed",and the ending, "The cops wont suspect a thing..." tie in perfectly. ok I have a fourth installment made so if you choose you want it to be more sci-fi than realistic I have to write a third installment and fourth is all ready done sop you will have four by tomorrow if you choose unrealistic. it wont be far out though. oh I think a good song to relate to this story is "Defy You" by The Offspring. what and you will see what I mean ;D ;D ;D ;DOh the suspense! ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOUNTYHUNTER296 Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 your stories are interesting when are you gonna be done wit it i would rate u 1-1010 being the highestyou would be a 8 for now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia_of_the_Knife Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 I always was a big fan of science (I know, I know, spelled wrong) fiction. You know my opinion.Pan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted January 8, 2002 Author Share Posted January 8, 2002 8? why an eight?oh I still need to correct it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mordecai Posted January 10, 2002 Share Posted January 10, 2002 No Pan, you spelt science correctly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia_of_the_Knife Posted January 12, 2002 Share Posted January 12, 2002 Yea! Anyway, more story!!!!!Pan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exatreide Posted January 12, 2002 Share Posted January 12, 2002 I give it a 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nemafakei Posted January 13, 2002 Share Posted January 13, 2002 "No Pan, you spelt science correctly. "Being picky about spelling's my job, anyway. Um... the speech can be in slang, but the narration should be in standard English in any good text, unless it's not in English, of course.And there aren't too many mistakes with the spelling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia_of_the_Knife Posted January 14, 2002 Share Posted January 14, 2002 Just to let everyone know, I am a popular editor of stories for various fanfiction sites across the web, so if you need one edited, just send it to me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted January 15, 2002 Author Share Posted January 15, 2002 A 6? um ok well more is to come very soon like 7:00pm eatern time, 4pm in cali. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nemafakei Posted January 16, 2002 Share Posted January 16, 2002 What's that in old money? (GMT)Pan, what parts exactly do you edit (i.e. grammar)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exatreide Posted January 16, 2002 Share Posted January 16, 2002 out of 7. And pan like what? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted January 16, 2002 Author Share Posted January 16, 2002 I think it is +8 hours to 4 four so about 12. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia_of_the_Knife Posted January 17, 2002 Share Posted January 17, 2002 For like my fun. I enjoy it. I do different editing for a couple different websites. I take the stories people send in and edit them.Anyway, this is not about me.More story! More story! (I give it an eight. A ton better than some I have seen)Pan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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