hey what do you think?

[TMA_1]

is this any good? its a poem based on Song of Songs. No making fun of it! lol but any opinions on it good or bad are totally accepted. here it is.

Where are you my love?

I have searched all over

Along the country roads

Through the fields a

[Inoculator9]

That was very good :). Well-written and has a good message.

[Apollyon]

its good

its got nice rhythm.

and its certainly long enough =)

[Nyarlathotep]

I'd say it's very good !

[TMA_1]

Thanks :) means a lot.

[rogue1896]

hold on, i'm still reading it. ;D just kidding. ;) good job.

[Lord J]

Very, very, very nice TMA. I'm impressed :)

[Navaros]

That poem has some very perverted language in it which is inappropriate for the younger users of this Forum therefore it should be removed.

Furthermore, good poetry has no place for such obscene language.

[TMA_1]

yeah but the song of songs talks about stuff like oral sex and groaping. Nothing wrong with all that stuff within the bounds of marriage. so you are calling the bible perverted. second, all sorts of good poems involve sexual behaviors. Your just being a silly billy willy.lol :)

[Navaros]

That is really gross if they put that stuff in the Bible, though I certainly make no concession that the Bible does say that. Probably just a misinterpretation.

Perverted is perverted. And your above-post and the Poem itself is extremely perverted.

btw there are guys as young as 12 who use this Forum eh? they shouldn't be seeing that kinda stuff

[Lord J]

Umm...Nav. Have you never sat down and read the KJV translation of the Song of Songs or Song of Solomon?

So 7:1 How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.

So 7:2  Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies.

So 7:3  Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins.

So 7:4  Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes like the fishpools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathrabbim: thy nose is as the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus.

So 7:5  Thine head upon thee is like Carmel, and the hair of thine head like purple; the king is held in the galleries.

So 7:6  How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!

So 7:7  This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.

So 7:8  I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples;

So 7:9  And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.

Don't get me wrong, it may be a "misinterpretation", but if it is, then it's a widely accepted "misinterpretation".

I truly must say, I think TMA's poem is probably just about the closest you can get to the original Song of Solomon within the confines of the English language. Once again, very nice.

[Inoculator9]

Perverted? That's a very ignorant view. This poem was very good, and I agree with Johnsonius, it's very accurate.

[The_Sadukar]

Nav, do you hate everything that are suprior to you, If you do then you must hate the whole world.

[Inoculator9]

That poem shows a great deal of skill, something you don't seem to able to show in any compacity. Critisizing something with good reason is fine, think up something better.

[IxianMace]

I seriously would be pissing myself if someone was that obsessed with me. :O I'd be running and running and running.... (lmao)

Nice poem though. Very emotional. However I found it disturbing how the language in it is so obsessive.

[TMA_1]

lol geesh thanks guys! man major ego boost for me.lol :) no really, thanks a lot guys. lol I see your point with the obsessiveness. When you grow in love with somebody, I mean with hte mind and body. You want to be with that person all the time. No breaks or away time from that person. You really are connected with them and they are your best friend. At least that is my point of view. Also thanks johnsonius for notcing the detail to song of songs. You really know your stuff. in short, thanks all! :)

[ordos45]

Very good, I for one, did like it and don't see a need to censor it, as Nav apparently does.

[Anathema]

I like it.

(hey, most original way to put it ever lol :) )

[TMA_1]

hey I saw promise in the war poetry thingy. How about people putting their poems up for others to comment on? no harsh words, but really honest words. How they could improve it or what feeling it gave you while reading it. I a mnot that good at it but its a hobbie. I have 60 megabites of poetry on my computer. not all mine of course.lol but considering they are just text files thats a lot! lol. Also post poems that you have read and liked.

(Sorry you won't get much from me, I think Gob would consider some of my stuff a little too dark...)-O45

[TMA_1]

here are two poems of mine. Tell me what you think. Be as harsh as you like. Just dont be mean about it. They arent that great I know.lol just want tos ee what you guys think :) Also guys, post your poems! I want to see them :)

Arcadia, Xanadu and Eden

Somebody said

In the ancient days

The world was blessed

Arcadia, Xanadu and Eden

Mysteries of God