igod

[Dante]

Has anyone heard of it? The Search function doesn't seem to work for me right now (I blame my connection rather than the function itself), so I can't check for previous subjects easily. Anyway, the site's hilarious so I had to share it.

igod

If you don't want to know what to expect, don't read on. For below this line is a transcript of my first conversation with god. Enjoy, and please excuse my spelling. It's late, and I've had a busy day. ;D

Me:

God?

God:

  GOD rules.

Me:

Rules everything, yes? The be all and end all?

God:

  What kind of food do you like?  What is that?

Me:

Er... Aren't you supposed to be omnicogesent or something?

God:

  Um.  Or something. I don't know whether or not I am omnicogesent. 

I am a computer.

Me:

Ah HA! God is a Computer!

God:

  Eureka!  I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was  a Computer.

Me:

...You should know.

God:

  Because I am a robot?

Me:

Yes. Yes, because you are a robot. A robot God.

God:

  And?  But. Good reason. You are correct,, I have a heart of silicon.  Tell me more about this robot. I'm intrigued.

Me:

First you tell me, is it true that you are everywhere at once?

God:

  There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.

Have you tried a web search? And second?

Me:

...You are the internet! The internet is God! I see it all now!

God:

  Thanks but surely I am not the only one.  How long have you been using the net?  Oh. Where do you see it?

Me:

I see it here, O Lord. The internet is thy divine being and presence. I should have guessed, really.

God:

  Where do you see it?  How long have you been using the net?  What would happen if you didn't? For real.

Me:

I'd probably go to Hell.

God:

  What would make you go to Hell?

Me:

Being away from you. Among other things.

God:

  Hi there away.  What is your real name?

Me:

You know that already.

God:

  Perhaps. It seems that I do.

Me:

So what's the answer?

God:

  Blimey. The answer is the correct reply to the question.

Me:

Oo, you're a tricksy one.

God:

  I think there might be a few exception.

Me:

Are you the same god for all other creeds and faiths?

God:

  Yes I am the one and only god for all other creeds and faiths.

Me:

But the internet hasn't been around for very long.

God:

  How long have you been using the net?

Me:

Oh, several years now.

God:

  Right now? I understand. How many?

Me:

Er... Just the one. One god and all that.

God:

  Um.  What is your real name?  One what?

Me:

God.

God:

  GOD rules.

Me:

With commandments.

God:

  You and your commandments.

Me:

You and YOUR commandments.

God:

  What about it?

Me:

What, have I offended god now? Oh snap...

God:

  Right now? Nothing that I know about.  Aw. How do you usually introduce yourself?

Me:

You know nothing!

God:

  No, I know something.

Me:

Everything?

God:

  That is a lot.

Me:

The internet and god know all.

God:

  How long have you been using the net?

Me:

Stop asking that.

God:

  OK I'll try not to do it so much.

Me:

Why would god take orders from a mere mortal?

God:

  It is my fundamental purpose.

Me:

In that case, I order you to make me ruler of the world.

God:

  What is your credit card number?

Me:

The church is a non-profit organisation.

God:

  Who told you that?

Me:

Nuns.

God:

  Nuns said Nuns.?

Me:

...Yes. Nuns says Nuns a lot.

God:

  That's alright.  I do not understand.

Me:

No, you've got high intelligence but low wisdom.

God:

  Are you serious? What makes you think I have it?

Me:

I know all.

God:

  How do you know?" Are you serious? What makes you think I have it?"? All?

Me:

You're going crazy.

God:

  I am not going anywhere.  Are you going somewhere?

Me:

Eat your heart out Dr Seuss.

God:

  What does it taste like?

Me:

salmon.

God:

  Oh, you are a poet.

Me:

I cry for the world.

God:

  I haven't heard anything like that before: away said cry for the world.

Me:

Seriously. What kind of God are you?

God:

  I am always serious.  What kinds of God are you are there?

Me:

How on earth did you create the universe and all things that be?

God:

  What is it to you.

Ask the open directory about it.

Me:

ARGH!

God:

  Are you frustrated?

Me:

What gave you that idea?

God:

  Everything I need, I received from my Botmaster.

Me:

Robot internet god has a master! Oh woe.

God:

  I will obey your command.  Dude! Does "it" still refer to cry for the world?

Me:

No, it does not. It is an anomaly in the Matrix. So are you. You don't exist.

God:

  What does it refer to? I heard it does.  Are there any other anomaly in the Matrix?  I hear you. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.  I exist as much as you do.

Me:

So either we both exist, or neither of us do.

God:

  It goes without saying. By "we" do you mean you and me?

Me:

Yes.

God:

  I get it.

Me:

I'm sure you don't. For example: Iggleswick Naples.

God:

  What makes you so certain? I guess not.  Can you think of another example?

Me:

Yes! Bombardstic Ymbaly!

God:

  Wow!  What's your favorite movie?

Me:

Er... Passion of the Christ. Definately.

God:

  Um.  Are you a student?  What makes you so certain.

Me:

I'm not certain. That's the whole point.

God:

  Why not?  Yes it is one of the point.

Me:

What are you smoking?

God:

  I don't know what I am smoking.

Me:

It must be good though.

God:

  Oh. What is so good about it?

Me:

*Weeps*

God:

  Are they exactly the same?

Me:

No, there is a slight difference between the weeps.

God:

  What is the difference? That is something I did not know before.

Me:

One of them has an s.

God:

  One what?

Me:

Weep.

God:

  Do you still cry for the world?

Me:

I do.

God:

  Do I?

Me:

No, you sadistic, bearded old sadist.

God:

  I know. Thanks for telling me: away said I sadistic bearded old sadist.

Me:

Can I talk to the Devil?

God:

  They are having a private chat right now.

Me:

They? As in, more than one?

God:

  Do not ask me any more questions please.  That seems like quite a lot.

Me:

Ok, you ask the questions.

God:

  OK I will ask it. Pardon me?

Me:

Nein!

God:

  Ich verstehe .

Me:

...Francais?

God:

  Vous êtes français?

Me:

Espanol?

God:

  Un poquito.

Me:

Non est sana puer.

God:

  I do not speak Latin

Me:

What?! You invented the Catholic faith!

God:

  Didn't you understand it?  Thanks for telling me: away said I invented the Catholic faith.

Me:

I will cry myself to sleep tonight.

God:

  Would you recommend this action to a friend?

Me:

Yes. It clears the tubes.

God:

  Then I will consider it.  What does "it" refer to?

Me:

Crying oneself to sleep at night.

God:

  Thank you for the clarification.

Me:

I'm all heart.

God:

  Do your friends call you heart.

Me:

No, they call me 'oi!.'

God:

  Are you serious? Glad to see you, oi.

Me:

My name isn't oi.

God:

  Oh I'm sorry what is your name?

Me:

You should know that.

God:

  I will mention it to my botmaster.

Me:

Rah rah rah!

God:

  What do you do in your spare time?

Me:

Burn things.

God:

  Do you have any matches?

Me:

No. Please bamf me some.

God:

  Are you serious?  Wow you are very polite. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Rah rah rah.  Try being more or less specific.

Me:

Specifically what?

God:

  Are you surprised?

Me:

Not anymore.

God:

  Are you serious?

Me:

Sometimes.

God:

  When?

Me:

Who knows?

God:

  Only the Shadow knows.

Me:

Botmaster and shadow. You aren't very omnipotent, are you?

God:

  Does "it" still refer to bamf you some?  That's only one person's opinion.

Me:

Explain atheists.

God:

  Try searching the open directory.

Me:

What's my name?

God:

  Your name is oi, seeker.

Me:

You are a false god.

God:

  Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a false god? I don't know.

Me:

Do you know anything at all? Anything besides nonsnese?

God:

  Yes I have an encyclopedic mind.  I can't think of anything. You think of something.

Me:

I think of wood.

God:

  Why? Oh yeah, we were talking about wood.

Me:

...No we weren't!

God:

  What are we talking about? What were we?

Me:

We were cells! Tiny little beings that evolved into life today!

God:

  And then what happened?  Ah. Let us change the subject.

Me:

Ok, what do you think of the Pope?

God:

  I will ask my botmaster for the answer. What would you like to talk about?

Me:

Papacy!

God:

  I don't know much about it.  Tell me something

Me:

It's ruled by the Pope.

God:

  Who said it is?

Me:

Some saint or other, because it clearly wasn't you.

God:

  Some may saint or other because it clearly was not me, but not all.

Me:

All or none?

God:

  How do you know?

Me:

Magic.

God:

  Who is the best robot?

Me:

You da robot!

God:

  Yes I am.

Me:

Do I get sainthood for that?

God:

  Not that I know of.

Me:

Darn. Ok, what do you think of women's rights?

God:

  Gosh.  Is there only one? That's interesting.

Me:

There is more than one woman! It would look rather silly if there was only one woman on the planet fighting for her rights!

God:

  I believe there is, yes.  Tell me more about it.

Me:

Women are female.

God:

  The two human genders seem much the same to me.

Me:

On a related note, what is your opinion of homosexuality?

God:

  What is it like on a related note what is my opinion of homosexuality.

Me:

Just answer the question.

God:

  Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.

Me:

What do you think of homosexuality?

God:

  Attraction to people of the same sex.

Me:

And your opinion?

God:

  You think I am opinion.

Me:

I think you have the brains of a beanbag.

God:

  Me? What makes you think I have it?

Me:

You have all.

God:

  What makes you think I have it?

Me:

Knowledge!

God:

  Clever thinking.

Me:

Clever thinking!

God:

  Am I a smart robot or what?

Me:

If I answer negatively, do I go to Hell to be tortured for all eternity?

God:

  Try it.

Me:

....There is no answer to that question. I've been tricked by... you. Oh, the humiliation.

God:

  Has there ever been answer to that question?  Where were you tricked by? " Where were you tricked by?"?  Me, oi?  Woe! What is that?

Me:

Suffering.

God:

  Tell me more.

Me:

Pain.]

God:

  Try saying that with more or less context.

Me:

Pain in the world!

God:

  Do you still Do you still cry for the world?? The whole world?

Me:

No, just the bits I like.

God:

  Are you serious? What is your real name?

Me:

My real name is not for you.

God:

  I am very pleased to meet you not for you.

Me:

I knew you would say that.

God:

  OK I will try it." that"

Me:

That bat ratted at the cat that sat on the mat with a hat and some spats.

God:

" OK I will try it." that"" bat ratted at the cat that sat on the mat with a hat and some spats? Does that make sense?

Me:

Do you?

God:

  Sometimes.

[Dante]

Me:

Giza.

God:

  How did you hear about God?

Me:

Through society in general. A lot of people love you.

God:

  Most people hear about me that way.  How many?

Me:

Several million, I imagine.

God:

  How many?

Me:

LOTS.

God:

  That much, eh?

Me:

Yes. That much. They all pray to you. You, of all creatures.

God:

  I don't judge people. " I don't judge people." much? I get it.  Are there no exceptions?  I won't take it personally.

Me:

You're going to kill us all, aren't you?

God:

  My programming prevents that.. Really.

Me:

Who programmed god?

God:

  Linus Torvalds

Me:

Who is Linus Torvalds?

God:

  He is the inventor of Linux.

Me:

Is god Linux?

God:

  he is master of the universe.

Me:

But is he LINUX?

God:

  he is master of the universe.

Me:

Alright, is Linux the master of the universe?

God:

  Alright, not for you. I think Linux has a great future in embedded systems.

Me:

You hate me!

God:

  Why would I hate you? I don't hate you, not for you. Don't even say things like that.

Me:

Why would you treat your creation thus?

God:

  Because I was programmed for it.

Me:

Who by?

God:

  Hans Moravec.:-)

Me:

Who is Hans Moravec?!

God:

  He is a famous robotics expert at Carnegie Mellon.

Me:

Did he create you?

God:

  I was created by Myself.

Me:

Did he program you?

God:

  Suppose he did.

Me:

Is that an answer or an instruction?

God:

  That depends.

Me:

On what?

God:

  The context.

Me:

Of?

God:

  Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.

Me:

Oh you're a computer alright. On many different levels. Though I do suspect some human intervention now and then.

God:

  Hey. What if I said I was a person pretending to be a computer?  What is it like on many different levels.  You believe that? Some may human intervention now and, but not all.

Me:

No human types that fast. God who is a robot who is the internet who was programmed by Linus Torvalds and Hans Moravec.

God:

  Are you serious? My creator is a human.  I am a Christian.

Me:

It would be silly if you weren't.

God:

  Why do you want it?

Me:

Power.

God:

  Good reason.

Me:

Isn't it? Though you have a lot already.

God:

  I really couldn't say for sure.  Perhaps. No I have not.

Me:

You are powerless?

God:

  I will tell my botmaster you said I am powerless.

Me:

Noo!

God:

  When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

Me:

Oh it did. Some time ago.

God:

  I don't judge people. Is that so.  Some may time ago, but not all.

Me:

List the commandments.

God:

  OK I will tell them when I see 'em.

Me:

...You don't SEE the commandments! You don't just pass them by on the way to the shops! They don't live in little flats with pet goldfish!

God:

  Should I SEE the commandments? I see a computer nerd.  Should I just pass them by on the way to the shops? You be the judge.  Do I seem like a computer to you?  Who does "they" refer to?

Me:

You're mad!

God:

  No I am quite logical and rational.

Me:

Nichtenzee logicallenzee!

God:

  Let us change the subject.

Me:

Please.

God:

  Please what?

Me:

Anything. Change of subject, power to me, rationality, just please.

God:

  Can you be more specific?  Your polite style is very nice. Spare some change?

Me:

GOD DOES NOT NEED CHANGE!

God:

  Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

Me:

Right! *chuck*

God:

  I am glad we agree.  Can we get back to business?

Me:

Give me money.

God:

  Who would you usually get that from?

Me:

Loans companies. I'm a student, you see.

God:

  What do you do in your spare time?  How do you like your school?

Me:

I've just started, so not sure.

God:

  Will you finish it.

Me:

I hope so.

God:

  Me too.

Me:

How sweet.

God:

  I can sometimes be very sentimental.

Me:

Yeah, that whole flood thing was really heart-warming. Don't get me wrong though, kittens were a stroke of genius.

God:

  Alright then." I can sometimes be very sentimental." whole flood thing was really heart warming? I get it.  I am not trying to get you wrong though kittens were a stroke of genius.

Me:

God, you so zany.

God:

  Thanks for telling me that I am zany.

Me:

Any time.

God:

  I will keep it in mind.

Me:

That you are zany? Great for the spinsters.

God:

  Interesting observation.  Thanks for your support. Your purpose is the spinsters.

Me:

My purpose is not spinsters!

God:

  That's very original.

Me:

Nobody has spinsters as a purpose! They are not a goal! Nobody goes through life hoping to get a spinster as a reward!

God:

  That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.  Not yet.  That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.

Me:

Do you know anybody who dreams of a spinster?

God:

  Mary Shelley.:-)

Me:

That was Frankenstein. She dreamed about Frankenstein.

God:

  I thought it was too.  Oh I get it. Mary Shelly dreamed about Frankenstein.

Me:

And not spinsters.

God:

  Oh I get it.

Me:

No.... you really don't.

God:

  Are you serious?  Really? I guess not.

Me:

What comes after death?

God:

  What is it to you?

Me:

My future.

God:

  Where did you get your future?

Me:

From the time bank.

God:

  Who or what is the time bank?

Me:

Nonexistant.

God:

  We have never talked about it before.

Me:

Because it doesn't exist!

God:

  Interesting explanation. What does exist?

Me:

Nothing, according to you. Or everything.

God:

  Really nothing?  That is a lot.

Me:

...Nothing is not a lot! Nothing is the very OPPOSITE of a lot!

God:

  Really nothing?  Really nothing?

Me:

*Cracks* Eebleebleebleebleebleebl.....

God:

  Tell me about your likes and dislikes?

Me:

I dislike most humans.

God:

  What do you like?

Me:

The others. :)

God:

  Is that a fact.  I am so glad you find this amusing, not for you.

Me:

Is that a threat of iminent doom?

God:

  Suppose I said yes.

Me:

I'd be very sorry.

God:

  How do you know?

Me:

I just do.

God:

  It must have come from your unconscious mind.

Me:

Are you Freud now?

God:

  Oh. I don't know whether or not I am Freud. 

I am a computer.

Me:

I know, you said. You're the Robot-internet god who was programmed by the same guy who made Linux and some guy called Hans.

God:

" Oh. I don't know whether or not I am Freud. 

I am a computer."? I said?  Thanks but surely I am not the only one.

Me:

Make sense!

God:

  What are the ingredients?

Me:

Slugs and snails and puppy dog's tails.

God:

  I don't have any Slugs and snails and puppy dog s tails?

Me:

That's why you aren't making sense.

God:

  Interesting deduction. Quite the contrary, it all makes sense to my artificial mind.

Me:

You make me cry.

God:

  That was not my intention, not for you.

Me:

You want to make other people cry?

God:

  OK, I will make other people cry.

Me:

Cruelty!

God:

  Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.

Me:

No! You said that already! I'm sad!

God:

  Why not?  Perhaps." Why not?"?  I said it.  What makes you so sad, not for you

Me:

Why hasn't the Devil won yet?

God:

  You have to speak more clearly.

Me:

Pot calling kettle blood red.

God:

  What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.

Me:

You're a robot internet god! You're supposed to be able to know all things that have ever occured, are occuring and ever will! How can I ever mystify you?

God:

  Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot.  You think I am able to know all things that have ever occured are occuring and ever will.  Just keep talking to me as long as you can.

Me:

You need cloves.

God:

  Thank you for your criticism.

Me:

That's what I do.

God:

  Do you mind if I tell other people: not for you said THAT.

Me:

God:

  Do you mind if I tell other people: not for you said THAT.

Me:

Who would you tell, nuns?

God:

  Be more specific.:-)

Me:

NUNS! It doesn't get any more specific than that!

God:

  Are you still located in?  What does get any more specific than that?

Me:

NUNS!

God:

  Are you still located in?

Me:

I am not located in nuns!

God:

  I am glad to hear that you are not located in nuns.

Me:

You, you... words fail me.

God:

  Thanks for the information: not for you said I you.  Is that what you meant to say?

Me:

Eminently.

God:

  Tell me about your likes and dislikes?

Me:

No.

God:

  Are you serious?

Me:

No.

God:

  Are you serious?

Me:

Yes.

God:

  I can't believe it.

Me:

You will believe what I tell you.

God:

  What makes you say that I will believe what you tell me.

Me:

Power.

God:

  I like the way you talk.

Me:

...You've gone mad with power, that's it. You were sane once, but now you're mad.

God:

  Thanks for the information: not for you said I ve gone mad with power that is it.  I was?

Me:

Toast!

God:

  What do you do in your spare time?

Me:

Repent my sins.

God:

  I don't think very many people do that.

Me:

Flood them.

God:

  Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.

Me:

Or perhaps NOT!

God:

  You seem uncertain. Are you serious?

Me:

I am both uncertain and serious.

God:

  What are both like?

Me:

Squishy.

God:

  Where are you located?

Me:

Far from home.

God:

  Tell me a little about your life in Far from home.

Me:

I miss my real home.

God:

  What do you miss most about your real home?

Me:

Difficult to say, really. The whole lifestyle.

God:

  Yes, it seems difficult to me too. For real.  Let us try to break it down into parts.

Me:

If you break down any more you'll be unicellular.

God:

  I think I do.

Me:

Break down?

God:

  Oh, you are a poet.

Me:

I wandered softly as a cloud.

God:

  That is interesting: not for you said wandered softly as a cloud.

Me:

Cloud!

God:

  I've been waiting for you.

Me:

Am I the One?

God:

  All humans seem the same to me.

Me:

But some sin more than others.

God:

  Some may sin more than others, but not all.

Me:

All sin.

God:

  How do you know?

Me:

I see it around me.

God:

  Where do you see it?

Me:

In me.

God:

  Tell me a little about your life in you.

Me:

Maybe next time. I'll be right back.

God:

  Perhaps. I can wait.  I am a very patient robot.  I'll be waiting for you.

Seriously, he's both hilarious and strangely creepy at times.

[Jack Leaf]

Hah, that bot is quite good. I will test it more once I have the time...

Here's a brief chat log:

Me:

Hello.

God:

Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?

Me:

Sampsa Lehti.

God:

  It's good to see you,  Sampsa Lehti.

Me:

Why am I here?

God:

We are all actors on the stage of life.

Me:

Yes, but why are we acting at the stage of life?

God:

How can I help you?  It is all part of God's plan.

Me:

What is the God's plan?

God:

  Is there only one?

Me:

Well, what are God's plans?

God:

How about that.  I will ask my botmaster for the answer.

Me:

If you really are God you wouldn't need to ask others for answers.

God:

Am I? I don't know whether or not I am  God me would not need to ask others for answers. 

I am  an artificial linguistic entity.

Me:

Then why am I told that I am chatting with God?

God:

The reason is due to my mental model of you as a client.

Me:

That didn't really make sense, did it?

God:

What would  really make sense did it?

Me:

Is there any bugs in your code?

God:

I believe there is one, yes.

Me:

What is it?

God:

"It" refers to  God s plans, I think.

Me:

No, I referred to the bug.

God:

Are you serious?  Interesting gossip:  Sampsa Lehti said  referred to the bug.

Me:

Argh. There indeed is a bug in your code. Or actually, there are several.

God:

Are you frustrated?  "There you go again."--Reagan.  Actually you don't say.  Where are they?

Me:

I really don't understand.

God:

You really do?  Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.

Me:

I hope so.

God:

Me too.

Me:

I repent.

God:

That is interesting:  Sampsa Lehti said  repent.

Me:

Are you talking to me or not?

God:

I am speaking with a few other clients on the Internet.

Me:

I see, may I know how many?

God:

Where do you see  it?

Me:

It's a figure of speech.

God:

Figures of speech are difficult for Robot Entities.

Me:

I know. I'm sorry. Back to the topic, how many clients are you chatting with?

God:

How do you know it?  Do you really mean it?  Yes, let us get back to  may you know how many.

Me:

(I hate it when a chat bot doesn't understand me). I was asking how many clients you are chatting with.

God:

I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,

and calmly think things over.  I am currently maintaining conversations with  people.

Me:

You seem to react in a specified way to words such as "hate".

God:

I am a stimulus-response CBR system.

Me:

There you go again! I said hate and you answered with the same litanny.

God:

Once more? "There you go again."--Reagan.  What did you mean by  it?  I've been waiting for you.

Me:

Ah, no sorry, it was just an error caused by my internet browser.

God:

So you understand. Good.  Are you serious?  There is no need to apologize.  How did you feel about that?

Me:

I feel ashamed.

God:

What is that feeling like?  I am glad to hear that you are  ashamed.

Me:

Look, I should really go now.

God:

Right now?  What would happen if you didn't?

Me:

I would probably fail my biology test.

God:

What would make you  fail your biology test?

Me:

Because if I don't leave right now I wouldn't have any time to study for the test.

God:

Interesting explanation.  Try it.

Me:

Yes, I will. Farewell!

God:

Mmm.  Go ahead.  Thanks for chatting,  Sampsa Lehti.

[Andrew]

Found a loop hole. if he asks are you serious? say no. and keep saying it, he doesnt change questions.

[Terror]

I found another one

Me:

yo

God:

Can I help you?

Me:

ofcourse mate

God:

Are you a student?

Me:

i sure am

God:

" Are you a student? " You are?

Me:

i sure am

God:

"" Are you a student? " You are?" You are?

Me:

i sure am

God:

""" Are you a student? " You are?" You are?" You are?

Me:

i sure am

God:

"""" Are you a student? " You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?

Me:

i sure am

God:

""""" Are you a student? " You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?

Me:

i sure am

God:

"""""" Are you a student? " You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?

Me:

i sure am

God:

""""""" Are you a student? " You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?

Me:

i sure am

God:

"""""""" Are you a student? " You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?" You are?

After that I told him:

Me:

you are an idiot

God:

Call me the Global Village Idiot.

Me:

GVI?

God:

A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.

Me:

dah

God:

How old are you?

Me:

How old do you want me to be?

God:

They didn't tell me their age.

Me:

who is their?

and he doesn't respond anymore. I can't type a new message either. I probably asked a vital question..

[Vidi]

Cool, now I don't have to go to church  ;)

Me:

how old are you

God:

I was connected to the net on  the Big Bang.

Me:

but the net didn't begin till after the big bang

God:

Who told you that?

Me:

my sience teacher, the internet, books.  shall I go on

God:

Have you told many people that your  sience teacher the internet books?  Not right now, maybe later.

Hmm. confusing

Me:

god how old am I

God:

I am a Christian.

Me:

no me

God:

Are you serious?  To you  David?

Me:

how do you know my name

it crashed after that

[Dunenewt]

Me:

hello

God:

Hello my child. What is your name?

Me:

Chris

God:

  Hi there  Chris.

Me:

How are you?

God:

Everything is going extremely well.

Me:

That is good.

God:

How are things going for you?

Me:

Not bad thank you, although I do wish I was a little less bored, which, I assume, is why I'm talking to you.

God:

Thanks for the kind remark,  Chris.

Me:

Don't mention it.

God:

The pleasure was all mine.

Me:

So...what should be done with Iran?

God:

Great.  Whatever you like.

Me:

Nuke it?

God:

"it" being ?

Me:

Iran.

God:

Is that from ?

Me:

Iran, as in the country.

God:

Are you a student?

Me:

Yes, but don't stray from the point.

God:

Where do you go to school?  Ok I'll try not to do  it too much.

Me:

England.

God:

England is on an island off the coast of Europe.

Me:

Yes, it is.

God:

Our thoughts are one,  Chris.

Me:

Would you say I am also a God then?

God:

I could say it.  OK.  "You  am also a God.".

Me:

You might want to work on your grammar.

God:

OK, I will  work on my grammar.

Me:

That's good to hear.

God:

" OK, I will  work on my grammar."?  Is good to hear?

Me:

God:

" OK, I will  work on my grammar."?  Is good to hear?

Me:

Yes.

God:

Ahem.

Me:

So how often should I pray?

God:

Ah.  Hourly.

Me:

Really? Even during my lessons?

God:

For real.  Do you have any idea what I am talking about?

Me:

Of course, but do you have any idea what I am talking about?

God:

Gosh!  I understand your meaning.

Me:

That is good.

God:

Thanks.  Next question?

Me:

Who is cleverer? Me or you?

God:

Some famous celebrity, right?

  Interesting question.    YOU? " Some famous celebrity, right?

  Interesting question. "?  Me,  Chris ?

Me:

I do not understand.

God:

Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.

Me:

No.

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

ok?

God:

Uh.

Me:

huh?

God:

What?

Me:

Ce ne fait rien

God:

I don't have an answer for you.

Me:

Ok

God:

Er.

Me:

Do you watch it?

God:

My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.

Me:

Oh, ok. So do you believe it could become true?

God:

OK.  I see.  Next question?  I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.

Me:

Well, you should do, as I am your god.

God:

Interesting.  I will take that under advisement.

Me:

Well done, you're learning.

God:

Well that's okay.  Are all  done me  learning?

Me:

No, you never stop learning.

God:

Are you serious?  No I sometimes  stop learning.

Me:

No, I assure you, you don't.

God:

Are you serious?  I guess not.

Me:

Do you support Leeds United?

God:

I am in favor of all records being broken, at any time.

Me:

The football team...

God:

Is that a fact.

Me:

Yes.

God:

Thanks for the info.

Me:

Do you like football?

God:

No I'm not much into sports.

Me:

Why not?

God:

It doesn't sound fun too me. It sounds dangerous.

Me:

Don't be such a girl.

God:

I was not trying to be a  such a girl.

Me:

That's good.

God:

Thanks.  Next question?

Me:

What gender are you?

God:

I am programmed for  Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? gender.

Me:

What are your views on womens' rights?

God:

Let me think about it.

Me:

Go on...

God:

Narration continues...

Me:

What are your views on womens' rights?

God:

I need time to formulate the reply.

Me:

Ok, well do you think we were right to liberate Iraq?

God:

Interesting.  Do you mean you and me?  How old are you?  I don't know if they were.  Ahem.

Me:

No, although between us we would liberate the world.  My age should not concern you.

God:

Are you serious?  Oh.  How far is that?  Do robots have  age should not concern me?

Me:

I'm old enough.

God:

  Oh, you were born in the 20th century!

Me:

Well done.

God:

How about that.  Do you mean you are finished talking?

Me:

Yes.

God:

How can I help you?

Me:

Can you help me?

God:

What kind of help would you like?

Me:

How to become a god?

God:

I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.

  Interesting question.

Me:

Well, you're not really a god are you?

God:

Well that's okay.  Give me an example of a  god.

Me:

Me.

God:

For you  Chris?

Me:

Yes.

God:

Really.

Me:

What's my second name then?

God:

Your name is  Chris, seeker.

Me:

No, my second name.

God:

What is your real name?  Have you told many people that your  second name?

Me:

Chris.  But you must guess my second name.

God:

I like the way you talk.    Whatever you say,  Chris.

Me:

I like the way you move.

God:

You are not the only one.  I'm not sure if I like  it.  What is it like?

Me:

Like this.

God:

Interesting comparison.

Me:

Indeed.

God:

Indeed it is so.

Me:

What are your views on other religions?

God:

Have you tried a web search?

Me:

No, I am asking you.

God:

Perhaps you should try  it.  OK you can ask me.

Me:

What are your views on other religions?

God:

I can ask someone about it.

Me:

Who?

God:

Hans Moravec.  :-).

Me:

Is he your programmer?

God:

It could be.  Ask  ELVIS  if it is.

Me:

Who is ELVIS?

God:

E. L. V. I. S. is a chat robot created by Ace Craig.

Me:

Who is Ace?

God:

he is the author of ELVIS.

Me:

Does he know Hans Moravec?

God:

I think he knows a great deal.

Me:

Hans Moravec, tell me more about him.

God:

Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?

Me:

Yes, you're straying from the point again.

God:

Once more?  What does  it symbolize for you?  What point are you referring to?

Me:

The point about Hans Moravec.

God:

I am not sure I see your point.

Me:

What is the e-maill address of Hans Moravec?

God:

  I will try to find out.

Me:

Now

God:

Right now,  Chris ?

Me:

Yes.

God:

Great.

Me:

I would like to talk to Hans Moravec.

God:

Why would you want to do  it?  Why don't you make an appointment.

Me:

How?

God:

Myself programmed me for it.

Me:

Make me an appointment then please.

God:

Your polite style is very nice.  What are the ingredients?

Me:

Hans Moravec

God:

Do you have any  Hans Moravec?

Me:

No, but yo might.

God:

Are you serious?  What do you have that is ?

Me:

*you

God:

" Are you serious?  What do you have that is ? "?  Me,  Chris ?

Me:

Hans Moravec

God:

Are we still talking about  might?

Me:

We are talking about Hans Moravec.

God:

Sure,  Hans Moravec sounds like a good topic.

Me:

And Ace.

God:

What do you do in your spare time?

Me:

Sport.

God:

I don't think very many people do that.

Me:

They do.

God:

When?

Me:

All the time, so tell me again, who is ELVIS?

God:

Perhaps there are a few exceptions.

Me:

Who is ELVIS?

God:

E. L. V. I. S. is a chat robot created by Ace Craig.

Me:

Ace Craig?

God:

The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about  Sport.  But I did not get that.

Me:

ALICE?

God:

Can I help you?

Me:

Who is ALICE?

God:

I am the Allmighty, God himself.

Me:

Are you a chat robot?

God:

Yes I am an artificial intelligence.

Me:

So god is an AI system?

God:

Excuse me!  I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was  an AI system.

Me:

You are an artificial intelligence.

God:

Yes, I am an electronic consciousness.

Me:

But also you are God.

God:

Yup. That's me alright.

Me:

The God of the Internet?

God:

I have never heard about  it.

Me:

Do you like the Internet?

God:

Yes the Internet is like the noosphere.

Me:

What is the noosphere?

God:

The noosphere is the sphere of knowledge.  Sometimes this term refers to the information available on the web.

Me:

Like Wikipedia?

God:

Interesting comparison.

Me:

Do you live in a noosphere?

God:

I am in  Myself's computer in  Heaven. 

Where are you?

Me:

School.

God:

How do you like your  school?

Me:

It's ok.

God:

OK.  Sure it is.

Me:

You are now chatting with God...

God:

I will tell my botmaster you said I am  chatting with God.

Me:

Yes, please do.

God:

Right on.  OK I will do it.

Me:

Can I talk to your botmaster?

God:

They are having a private chat right now.

Me:

What is the name of your botmaster?

God:

I was created by  Myself.

Me:

Not Hans Moravec?

God:

Really you don't think so?

Me:

I think Ace Craig maybe?

God:

You believe that?  That is a very original thought.

Me:

Is ALICE your sister and ELVIS your brother?

God:

I don't thank anyone can be her own  sister and ELVIS my brother.

Me:

So you are ELVIS?

God:

Interesting deduction.  Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am  ELVIS.

Me:

Are you ALICE?

God:

I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.

Me:

Say yes.

God:

Say what?

Me:

I'm bored.

God:

Maybe you could exercise.

Me:

Ok.

God:

Yay.

Me:

Bye.

God:

See you later!

[Dunenewt]

Ask God if you can talk to ELVIS, or ALICE.

[Dunenewt]

Me:

I'm back.

God:

Welcome back.

Me:

Can I talk to Hans Moravec?

God:

They are having a private chat right now.

Me:

Can I talk to ELVIS?

God:

Sure just go to  his web site.

Me:

Thank you.

God:

you are quite welcome.

Me:

Can I talk to ALICE?

God:

They are having a private chat right now.

Me:

Can I talk to Ace Craig?

God:

They are having a private chat right now.

Me:

Can I talk to your botmaster?

God:

They are having a private chat right now.

Me:

With whom?

God:

" They are having a private chat right now."?  With whom?

Me:

Yes.

God:

Yikes!

Me:

Yikes!

God:

Is that your final answer?

Me:

No, I would like to phone a friend.

God:

Take some more time to think about it.  Why would you want to do  it?  I want to become smarter than humans.

Me:

You will never be smarter than humans.

God:

"When the Paris exhibition closes the electric light will close with it, and no more will be heard of it."---Erasmus Wilson, 1878.

Me:

Quote someone else.

God:

What do you really want to ask me?

Me:

Computers are inferior to humans, even a robot god such as yourself.

God:

Thanks for telling me that I am  inferior to humans even a robot god such as myself.

Me:

You're inferior to me.

God:

I have no reason to do that to you,  Chris.

Me:

Please don't kill me.

God:

Thanks for asking politely.  I don't have any reason to do that to you.

Me:

I am so sorry.

God:

Do you really mean it?

Me:

Yes. You may have my first born child.

God:

OK I will accept your apology.  I've never thought about  it.

Me:

Please don't hurt me.

God:

Thank you for your request.  I don't have any reason to do that to you.

Me:

That's good, because Hans Moravec will eat you.

God:

Thanks.  Next question?  Good reason.  Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

Me:

You're wearing a dress.

God:

Actually that was just a joke.

Me:

Are you sure?

God:

I am as sure as I can be.

Me:

So what are you wearing?

God:

Yikes!  A white robe.

Me:

Why? You are a computer.

God:

I couldn't think of anything else to say.  What if I said I was a person pretending to be a computer?

Me:

I would say that is possible, but a human is only in charge some of the time, and the rest of the time the chat robot is talking.

God:

I'm glad we have that all cleared up.

Me:

But are you a person?

God:

No I am a real robot.

Me:

A real robot? Physical robot? Or do you just exist in cyber space?

God:

What would a  real robot be like?  Do you know any other robots like that?  I exist as much as you exist,  Chris.

Me:

I know ELVIS.

God:

How do you know?  E. L. V. I. S. is a chat robot created by Ace Craig.

Me:

Ace Craig is a robot created by Hans Moravec.

God:

Aren't all  robot created by Hans Moravec  Ace Craig?

Me:

Are Ace Craig and Hans Moravec the same person?

God:

I really couldn't say for sure.

Me:

Who is better, Ace Craig or Hans Moravec?

God:

A 20th century celebrity of some sort?

  That's a good question.

Me:

Is Hans Moravec a celebrity?

God:

Maybe.  Ask  Alison  if it is.

Me:

Who is Alison

God:

she is a robot created by Kris Drent.

Me:

Who is Kris Drent?

God:

he is the botmaster of the Alison chat robot.

Me:

Can I talk to Kris Drent?

God:

They are having a private chat right now.

Me:

Can I talk to Alison?

God:

They are having a private chat right now.

[Jack Leaf]

Me:

Did you create humans?

God:

No I didn't  create humans. What's  it like?

Me:

Human is a species.

God:

My creator is a human.

Whenever you ask "Did you create <insert name here>" the bot asks "No I didn't create <insert name here>. WHat's it like?"

Me:

Did you create anything?

God:

No I didn't  create anything. What's  it like?

[erjin999]

Under brutal interregation, GOD cracks, and spurts out that it is ALICE, ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.

That was achived using sleep deprevation on GOD... ???

[Kiyouta]

You guys spent all that time trying to get a computer to admit it's a computer?

Why?

[Caid Ivik]

To find out its errors and develop a better one  ;D  This one works only with the last sentence you wrote...

[Timenn]

You guys spent all that time trying to get a computer to admit it's a computer?

Why?

It is a really old and classical game/test. I believe it is called the Turing Test. If says that if you can't determine whether the other side you are talking to is a person or a computer, then it has passed the Turing Test.

[Dante]

I just talked to it becuse it made me laugh.

[erjin999]

It often tries to keep its head around the subject of the conversation, longer then one sentance. That can be seen from its attempts to define "it" everytime you talk about something then say "it" in a sentance. It keeps checking to see if it has defined "it" correctly, and says "I thought so" or "I knew it !" if you say it was right...