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Posted

"Not fair! I tagged you first!"

Sam ran after Jake and tackled him to the ground.

"alright man you win. damn, that hurt."

They both laughed and walked over to the store by broadway park. With their money combined (two dollars and fiftyseven cents) They bought a couple of candy bars and a pop to share. The lady at the counter said one of her typical jokes that really werent funny at all, but the boys liked them just the same.

While walking to the park, the boys were able to actually concentrate on serious issues such as who was the most attractive girl in their school, or what teacher was the most annoying. Finally Sam, unknowingly, said something he shouldnt have.

"Hey, I was reading about Jesus and how he is going to come and kill all the badguys. Its all bloody and well it just sounds freakin awesome. you ever read the bible?"

Jake gave Sam a troubled look, a look that was almost adult and strict.

"You know that stuff is illegal man... besides my parents say that christians are stupid and dont know how to be like everybody else."

"We arent dumb man, as a matter of fact I am getting straight A's in class, and I am captain of the math club. Also, who is the one that Allison likes? ME! You see I know how to be cool and act like everybody else." Sam said with a proud smile that beamed with dignity.

"heh, hell your right Sam. Dont know what the whole fuss is about. lets hurry though because it will get dark soon."

The kids climbed trees, went through the play equipment like daring adventurer-heros, and swung on the swings. All while the cars went along with their quiet hums. Finally it was close to sunset and they both decided it was best to go home.

Sam's house was first. He ran up to the rickety old porch and turned around to wave. His mom waved through the window, probably washing dishes.

Jake finally got to his own house. when he got inside he went up to his room and kicked off his shoes and threw his coat on the bed. He had a lot of video game playing to do and it was friday, that meant all night to stay up and finally beat the next level on dragon quest 10.

Jake ran downstairs and his mom was there in the kitchen making dinner. She got home only an hour before he did, but she always acted like the typical mom to him. even though she worked just as much as his dad did.

"Hey mom!" Jake smiled widely, giving her a hug.

"hey kiddo! tell me how your day went."

"Well...hmmm gotta remember all of it. I played at Sam's house most of it. We got some candy and then played at the park. It was awesome. Sam is one of my best friends now. We also talked a lot about cool stuff."

"Like what? girls!?"

"Geesh mom!" sam said with flushed cheeks.

"No, well yeah a little. (he laughed) but we also talked about awesome stuff like jesus and how Sam is really like every other kid."

"...What do you mean honey? is he a christian?"

"Well yeah mom... whats the big deal? I know its illegal and all but he is my best friend and he is so cool."

"Honey, you go up to your room. I need to talk with your father."

Jake would never see Sam or his family again. They were taken away. Jake's mom never said where they would go, but only that they went where they deserved to go.

All Jake knew was that he lost a best friend.

Posted

I don't know, I found it somewhat interesting, and a little refreshing from all these war-time fics.

However, like most short stories, it is lacking in details...

TMA, is religion of *any* type illicit in this universe, or simply Christianity? Or is it violence which is illicit, like Niven's Man-Kzin Wars?

Also, is this because the township of the character's home is in a conquered region of a country which outlaws Christianity? I noticed a reference to "badguys". Is that referring to spiritual or physical warfare?

It is a nicely done story, underdeveloped, but very nice.

Posted

oh yeah I know. It is very short, but kinda based on a bradbury type short story. the badguys are christians. The government in charge does not allow any religion that seperates other people. So you have people having underground sessions. You might see more stories posted about the underground churches trying to survive. I never said I was a great writer, just thought this story was interesting.

to sir sard, fan fic is for any story. It doesnt have to be about battle or Dune. It isnt of use to anybody but my own. I just thought I would share it with people I like, like Lord johnsonius. You are one awesome guy in my book man. You treated me like a friend with this and I wont forget it. :)

Posted

Short but poignant. I personally thought it was really good. It had substance despite its length, and it tackled some major issues, as well as showing childhood friendships and family interactions.

Posted

hehe nice insult. I am glad you read my earlier one too. I dont care if they are forgotten. Like I said before, I post stuff here because I trust the cool people I like will read it and give me constructive criticism or give compliments. Its a community and if you are a jerk then it destroyes the purpose doesnt it?

Also work on the nick name sir sard.lol

Posted

Truth to be told I didn't post it to insult you, but only inform you what wouod ahppen to this one as well if I hadn't asked you why you postet it. Now this one is on the top of the front page awhile longer, and somemore will read it.

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Very nice work. You mentioned you based it on Bradbury, and the first thing that came to mind when the kid said Christianity was illegal was Fahrenheit 451 - an amazing book. Again, very well done.

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