check out these products!

[djhenry]

Yes!!!! That's right ladies and gentlemen.... HE'S ALIVE!!!!

Back from his unsuccessful door to door sales campaign for the new and improved bung deodorizer... Flatu-Scents.

Frig.M.All Industries is proud to announce the return of that not so popular product Flatu-Scents... the suppository and air freshener in one. Why be flatulent and the blame for foulness when you can squeeze one off and not only is it silent, but you too can smell like Autumn Breeze, and be the life of the party.

Flatu-Scents is available in not only the original Ocean Spray, Autumn Breeze, Potpourri, & Garden Fresh scents, but now available in several new scents for every occasion. Try New Car scent, guaranteed to increase the resale value of any vehicle. Or how about the new and improved Mesquite BBQ scent. Leave you friends and neighbors wondering what you have on the grill. Remember the name...Frig.M.All Industries and the product... Flatu-Scents.

Disclaimer: Flatu-Scents is environmentally safe and 100% bio-degradable. Frig.M.All Industries is not responsible for misuse and abuse of this product.(I.E. Insertion of device beyond recommended safety limits, Insertion of more than 1 suppository, Insertion of foreign object either before or after insertion of product.)

Warning: Those suffering from gastric-intestinal ailments should consult with a physician before using this product.

Do not use this product with rubbing alcohol.

Do not consume large quantities of the following prior to the use of this product.

Carbonated beverages(Soft Drinks, Beer, Champagne, Etc.)

Beans (avoid all types)

Broccoli

Cauliflower

Use of the above food items can cause the suppository to become unsecured and a potentially deadly projectile.

Do not leave product in orifice for more than 12 hours.

If inflammation or soreness occurs, discontinue use of product, dab area with rubbing alcohol swab for 5 minutes.

After the burning subsides, repackage remaining suppositories and see your physician. Tell him you too stupid to follow directions and need the product shipped back to the manufacturer.

;D :D :O ??? :P ::) :-X :- :'( >:( ;D :) ;)

[djhenry]

These are some more actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sear's hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

(Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

(The shoplifter special)

On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(And that would be how .?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(But its "just" a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):

"Do not turn upside down."

(Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

(As night follows day . . )

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could

just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use."

(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: contains nuts."

(Talk about a news flash.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

( Step 3: Fly Delta.)

This one is my favorite!

On a child's superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)

[Desert_Eagle25]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......LMFAOROLF

thats sum funny stuff...

[ordos45]

You think that's bad? I had the window seat by the wing emergency exit on a 747 once.

The warning painted on the wing was, "Do not walk on wing while plane is in motion."

[exatreide]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In a a local airport it says

"if you have weapons plese place them in your luggage now"

[DjCiD]

There was a sign in a McDonalds that talked about the misfortune of not being able to read, and ended "If you can not read write" and had an address. ;D

[Gunseng_Harkonnen]

On after shave water is wrote "If gets to eye, clean it". So if my dad will have after shave in eye, he should clean after save water.

And on pizza is wrote: "It will be better if you put it to oven". Well, its good sugestion, afterall...

[Duneguy]

lol when i went to highschool's state wrestling, there was a sign that said stuff like " no missle type projectiles" .. like i could hide one... and under that no yo'yo's, no laser beams... and no gun type weapons.. but they never said no WEAPONS!