Episode II = One of the Worst Movies of All-Time

[Navaros]

Episode II = One of the Worst Movies of All-Time

That's right.

I saw Episode II today and thought I'd share my thoughts with my Emperor family. :)

Episode II truly is one of the worst movies of all time.  We can expect mundane, lifeless, dull dialogue from Lucas, but since he hired the hugely-terrible co-writer for this movie, the dialogue is downright asinine and horrendous.  It gives me a headache just listening to it.  Some of the lines in the movie include:

"I have a bad feeling about this"

"This is why I hate flying"

"I don't like the sand, it's rough and coarse.  Not like you, all of you is soft"

"I've been dying a little each day ever since we've been together"

There are many more which I can't remember at the moment, but  rest assured that the whole movie is consistently filled with such asinine and truly mind-numbingly-awful dialogue.  

Blame this on Lucas hiring a guy who has got to be the most pathetic writer in the history of showbiz, the same guy who wrote the likewise-awful TV series "The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles".  If you've seen just one episode of that show, you'll have the perfect idea of what to expect.   Too bad this writer's worthless life was not as short-lived as that TV show; then I wouldn't have had to waste $8.50 Canadian to be tortured with such absolute drivel.

Lucas has gone completely senile.  Firstly, this is evidenced by the fact that that he hired such an incompetent co-writer.   Secondly, he allowed the movie to be called "Attack of the Clones".  By the title alone, I should have knew it was the work of a senile old man and therefore not worth seeing.

Back to the movie itself.   The only redeeming quality which could possibly left is the aesthetic appeal of the scenery and action.   Unfortunately, Episode II is likewise impotent in these departments.  Some of the walls in the background *literally* look like they were created by a 13-yr-old Grade 8 student using MS-Paint.  I kid you not!  

Jango Fett was a great disappointment.   Most of the time he is shown without his armor, which completely ruins the allure and menacing, compelling nature of the Boba Fett legacy.  He's shown to be a plain, boring old man.  To make matters even worse, Jango Fett *moves* like a 95-yr-old man with arthritis in this movie!  Watching the Jango Fett scenes is actually *painful* to the eyes.   Such a great idea for a character, all wasted tragically with limp, lifeless movement.   Add to this the fact that 85% of the time the only weapon Jango Fett is holding is a very tiny, little, microscopic, babyish-looking pistol.  If someone pointed something like that at me in real life, I'd have a heart attack induced by sheer hilarity.

What had the potential to be the only cool scenes in the movie serve only to frustrate.   When Anakin's mother is killed, it shows him leave the hut she dies in, and then he kills two Tusken Raiders while they are mostly off-screen(so you can't see them die).  This happens in a matter of 5 seconds.  That is it.  All you get to see about what Anakin did to the people who tortured and murdered his mother, is 5 seconds of what you are *expecting* to be a *really* cool scene - then it cuts away. The *ONLY* thing you will be thinking after you see this scene is: ************WTF????????????!!!!!!!****************

As soon as you see Anakin cut down the two Tusken Raiders, you will be aching to see him take down the rest of the Tusken Raiders, only to be left desperately wanting more after the scene ends in 5 seconds, never to be re-visited.  This can be compared *exactly* to how you would feel if your spouse and you are being intimate, and your spouse and you are both naked and ready to go, and after having already done much, your spouse says to you at that point: "sorry honey, i'm not in the mood right now! i'm gonna put my clothes back on!".  That is EXACTLY what Lucas will make you feel by copping-out of showing Anakin go beserk on the Tusken Raiders.  

Like in Episode I, the actor who plays Anakin in Episdoe II is a truly horrible actor.  The *only* good thing about the actors who play Anakin is that the have the exactly right aesthetic quality for the part.  But that effect is diminished the moment you hear their voices, or see them trying (and failing miserably) to act.

Lucas tries to imitate the movie Gladiator, and does a horrible job.   In Episode I, every area of the screen is filled with a wide, vibrant variety of different scenery and alien life-forms, yet in the Gladiator arena, the whole shot is brown and filled the same mononotuous feces-colored hues which adorn just *one* alien life-form in the seats:  ugly, personality-less winged beasts.

Jango Fett twirling his gun exactly like Robocop in this movie is just one of many groan-inducing and out-of-place cliches that will inspire nausea in any cultured movie-goer

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>CONTINUED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[Navaros]

Episode II has no suspense whatsoever.  In Episode I, the suspense held the viewer's interest for the whole movie thanks to the mesmerizing nature of Darth Maul.   Episode II has no such suspense, and in fact *nothing* to keep the viewer the least-bit interested.  

Count Dooku is this movie's equivalent of Darth Maul, and Count Dooku is one of only two worthwhile characters in the entire movie, the other being Palpatine.  Every single scene in Episode II without either Dooku or Palpatine was literally lulling me to sleep.  These two actors do a superb job even though they are given atrocious dialogue to work with.  Unfortunately, Palpatine and Dooku combined have no more than 10 - 15 minutes of screen time, so they can hardly redeem the atrocity that is Episode II.  Dooku does not even appear until over 2/3 of the way into the movie, and by then you'll probably be asleep anyhow (unless you have no taste and you are capable of being entertained by mindless, intelligent-life-defying drivel).

The only entertaining action scenes in the whole movie feature Count Dooku.  Unfortunately, Lucas again leaves you starving for more.   Dooku fights Anakin for 30 seconds, and puts away his light saber.  Dooku then fights Obi Wan for 30 seconds and puts down his light saber.  Dooku then fights Anakin once more for no more than another 30 seconds, cuts off his hand (gee like we needed ANOTHER cliche in this movie), and puts down his light saber.  Dooku then fights Yoda for no more then 30 seconds, and puts down his light saber.   All these action scenes are entertaining, but ludicrously short.  You'll be begging to see a *real* light saber fight like Luke and Darth Vader used to have, one that last well-over 30 seconds.  No such luck.  The only good action sequences in Episode II will be over just when you are starting to really enjoy them.  Then the movie ends.

Critics who say Episode II is better than Episode I are completely out-to-lunch, and out-of-touch with reality.  If you haven't seen Episode II yet and are not a die-hard SW fan, do yourself a huge favor:  don't go.  Episode II sucks almost more than any movie has ever sucked before

[jacobdouds]

I agree mostly. But

The cliche about Anakin losing his hand? Explain how this is a cliche considering it was supposed to happen and explains Darth Vader chopping of Lukes hand?

[TMA_1]

whoa whoa

that cliche is void.  It was talking about episode V. Lukes hand was chopped off by darth. In return of the jedi luke fulfilled palpitines dreams by having rage. He chopped off darths hand and realised it. Then looked at his own mechanical hand. that is the cliche. has nothing to do with attack of hte clones.

[jacobdouds]

Thats my point, It just didn't come out right.

[zamboe]

Well, all I want now is see the movie............

next weekend .....

[Frodo_I]

I actually thought episode II was really good.  But i'm weird, i don't go to star warz movies to see animation (which I II and i'm sure III are packed with), i go for action, plot, and special effects

I thought the special effects (even though mostly animated) were better in this movie than the first one.  When i say special effects i don't mean the gladiator/monster scene (am i the only one that noticed that on a world with all brown inhabitants the monsters were blue and green???)

Some points Nav brought up i disagree with:  i thought Jango Fett's twin pistols were kool, real kool, goes to show you that size doesn't matter when you got skillz.  Jango doesn't do too many awsome fighting moves, but neither did the Bobbo Fett in episode VI, they both just jump, swing, fire rockets, etc.  But i thought the special effects of Jango's fight scenes kicked arse.  And his ship!! that was so kool that they showed the inside of the ship and showed the ship in action.  Anyone that was alive when the first three star warz movies came out knows all the rumor and speculation about the fett and his ship, Lucas let us see some real stuff in this movie about the fett and that was totally kool since the fett were just a side character in the first three movies.

As far as the dialogue went i basically didn't care, i was just waiting until the next plot twister or battle.  I mean did anyone actually LIKE all the lovey dovey crap that was done with anniken and amidala?? I mean you have to put some in there to make the story work, but do you have to show so much especially when the actor playing amadala is so young, you feel like a pervert watching her kiss.  I thought the dialogue was funny in parts, but nothing that should win an award, but like i said i wasn't interested in the dialogue as much as the action and plot

I thought this movie had more explination and "set up" (plot) than any single star wars movie to date.  They explained fetts, palpatine's orgins of the storm trooper, palpatine's orgines for claiming emperor status, Luke's reason for being abandoned, palpatine's evil genius, the serious flaw in the jedi council of clouding in the force (well they haven't explained it as much as used it to explain other things), the reason's why anni goes dark, just WHY Yoda is so renowned in the jedi council, etc etc etc, the plot just kept getting better and better, and that does make for good writing, even though the dialogue is a little cheesy i a few places

I wish Lucas would get off all the damn animation and go back to REAL aliens, but i'm not gonna stop seeing the movies just for that reason.

BUt to say that the movie is boring and unimaginative isn't very correct in my opinion, i mean did anyone, ANYONE ever imagine that yoda would bust out a can of whoop arse like that???

The only thing i can say about the fight scenes is that i would also have like them lengthened a little.  I think MAYBE that LUcas was influenced by the books in that regard, in the books (which like to make things more reallistic if you can call it that) the fight scenes go real fast, and even though you catch everything cause your reading it they resolve fast too, with someone dieing or getting poked into submission or getting a limb hacked off

Lucas could have also been influenced a bit by a current following in direction.  If anyone sees insomnia you will also see what im saying.  In insomnia the fight scenes are so fast, with so much blurring and flashes that it feels like you are in the room with them, i think maybe Lucas wanted the same thing in this movie.  Unfortunately, if your going to do that you can't pan back like he did with Dooku and Yoda, oh well i still thought the movie kicked arse over episode I

[Khan]

Yeah episode 2 was a heavy film not as good as empire strikes back but better than dune. I'm a bige dune fan but the film was terrible, too much was cut and changed from the books

[Khan]

"I have a bad feeling about this"

"This is why I hate flying"

man these were used coz their like the catch phrases of the film. DO YOUR RESEARCH BABY

[UsulSK]

Episode II was MUCH BETTER then Episode I !!!  

And now I give the reason:  Because in Ep II there were less coincedences in the story.

It really sucks if the story just goes on because of coincedences and not because the good guys really did something about it.  And Ep I had LOTS of these coincedences, which shows that Ep I had a really bad author.  But Ep II is free of coincedences.

Examples for coincedences in Ep I:

-Anakin goes in the starship

-Anakin activates the auto-pilot and flies to the battle

-Anakin flies into the great commando-ship

-Anakin fires rockets within the commando-ship and destroys it (and a victory like that, by coincedence, is NOT satisfactory)

-Jar Jar Binks (i hate him) beats a lot of enemies in the ground battle, but everytime just because of coincedences

-in the underwater scene, a bigger fish eats a smaller fish TWO TIMES IN A ROW!!!  (and thats a really bad story writing!)

Thats why:  Ep II is better, because at least the good guys win because they do something about it, which is much more satisfactory then stupid coincedences!!!

[Khan]

yeah

[Terror]

may the force be against you navaros  >:(... I AM a Star Wars fan... not because of the special fx.. (they're cool.. but that doesn't make me a fan) and this episode nicely makes a bridge between episode I and the latter triology

[Frodo]

I thought that episode II was amazing! Most people didn't like episode I either, but I liked it too. I'm a big Star Wars fan, and I thought that this was one of the best in the series. I thought Samuel L. Jackson did an excellent job as Mace Windu, and I thought Christensen did a good job at playing Anikan. I also thought that Pame Amidala was awesome! (For more reasons than 1).  But by far, Yoda was the best. When he was fighting Dokoo at the end, it was unbielievable! So don't complain about everything Navaros.