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I suppose I should introduce myself to you first.Ny name is Timothy Ray,Tim or Ray for short.I am a Ghost.I am invisible.I kill them before they kill me.I am all powerful.

But WHY,WHY,do I feel so vulnerable,dashing through the battle now,even when I am cloaked?

Suddenly,I see a Zergling jump at a desperate Marine,who is fruitlessly firing his assault rifle.I raise my C-10 and fire.A headless body hits the Marine.I continue on,a small package in my left hand.

Oh,I should have told you about this.This is a Psi Emitter,the same beast that the legendary Lieutenant Kerrigan used on her last battle for humanity.Now she's in the hands of the fucking Zerg.

I see a Marine cut down mercilessly by a Hydralisk.Its too late for that human,and also too late for the Hydralisk.I raise my C-10 and fire.Its brains are blown straight out.

Working on it!

Comment or Die!

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It's good stuff. My Starcraft knowledge is a little rusty, so I don't rmemeber much about the psi emitter or anything. But you're story is a good start. I would try and concentrate more on characters than battle scenes, though. Write about how Tim became a ghost, for example. Or write a chapter about Terran Command (or whatever) assigning him this mission.

Also, I liked the idea of Tim's insecurity. You should try to expand on that; it would really give us some insight into his character.

Keep up the good work.

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Its a good start, though too short.

It needs a little more depth.

The Marine was walking slowly in the column. Thousands of soldiers like him were slowly moving towards the battlefiled. The same road for all of them, the same slimy mud.

The sweat was raining on his face, his eyes whatched the road, but his mind was gone home, at the sunny mountains, the dark, cool forests, the powerful winds up on the peaks. The horizont that semt so far from those peaks...

Now he felt as in a cauldron, boiling, and very vulnerable. The horizont shrunk to the egde of the valley and this was murder for him: to more clouds within the reach, no more preaks so close yet so far... now all he saw was a steel sky, grey clouds, the Wraith and the transport craft rushing into destruction.

Hope you don't mind this... if you do IM me and I'll delete it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

two things

1) marines are "reconditioned" (this means they "love" whoever they are working for and will do anything to help them)

2) is this pre-confederacy, pre-dominion or dominion?

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This is a the first post,edited some typos and now mixed it together with the second one.

I suppose I should introduce myself to you first.My name is Timothy Ray,Tim or Ray for short.

I am a Ghost.I am invisible.I kill them before they kill me.I am all powerful.

But then...WHY,WHY,do I feel so vulnerable,dashing through all this bloody carnage now,even when I am cloaked?

Suddenly,I see a Zergling jump at a desperate Marine,who is fruitlessly firing his assault rifle.I raise my C-10 and fire.A headless body hits the Marine.I continue on,a small package in my left hand.

Oh,I should have told you about this.This is a Psi Emitter,the same beast that the legendary Lieutenant Kerrigan used on her last battle for humanity.Now she's in the hands of the fucking Zerg.

I see a Marine cut down mercilessly by a Hydralisk.Its too late for that human,and also too late for the Hydralisk.I raise my C-10 and fire.Its brains are blown straight out.

Part 2

I should have told you why I was chosen for this mission. You see, I have Protoss kinetic energy in me.It goes a bit like this: When I was young, about 2, the Protoss destroyed my home of Mar Tara. I was in a burning building, and my family was dead.I bet I was crying, though I can't remember. Suddenly I remember seeing a Protoss Zealot infront of me. It saw me, and picked me up. For some strange reason, it didn't kill me. As I watched it, a burst of psionic energy entered my mind in the form of pictures of what my village was like. Needless to say, it was destroyed. The Zealot took me out of the blazing building, which was about to collapse, and set me near the foot odf the woods. Then it walked off. Later, I was found by a group of Marines fighting to re-take Mar Tara. I was brought up in the Confederacy, then was discovered I had Ghost abilities, and Protoss energy. So I was chosen to lead this mission, for I had Ghost and Protoss abilities, Stealth and Lockdown, and Shields. And I was the only one who was able to maintain stealth and shields for such a long time. I was...special...

There, its longer!

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  • 3 weeks later...

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