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Life, the Universe & Everything: Fenceposts at Dawn

Dragoon Knight

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I'm here talking about GOD and THE BIBLE, which are all true, so ha.  Just read this, which I'm going to pretend that I typed and is totally not copied and pasted from a creationist argument website that does all my thinking for me!

The words of the Bible concerning our origins were given to men to write down, by God, who was the only living being present. We were not there!  God said He created the universe. God said He created all living things. We know that life is much more than chemicals.  God put His life into Adam and that life has been transferred from generation to generation all the way down to us!

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Dante leaned back in exasperation. Taking off his glasses, he pinched the bridge of his nose. "What does he think he's doing...?" He muttered in exasperation. Picking up the phone, he dialled Dragoon's number. Silence greeted him from the other end of the line. Dante sighed. "Seriously man, what the hell?"


Dante looked askance at his phone. "Ok... take off the Stupid hat now. You've had your fun."



"...Fine." Dragoon removed his hat, and all of a sudden the mists cleared. "What was all that about?"

"You were ranting." Dante pointed out, scrolling through the chat log. "What did we say about the Stupid hat?"

"We don't wear the stupid hat."

"That's right. So why did you put the Stupid hat on?"

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"It makes my brain all warm and tingly," Dragoon replied, slurring his words slightly.  "There's nothing quite like believing that there's a big bearded man watching me."

"Ye-... wait, what?" Dante stopped short.

"Shh," soothed a serene Dragoon.  "The only problem, of course, are the after-effects.  JEHOVAH."

"Oh god..."

"One of his many guises, I'm lead to believe."

"I'm going to have to learn not to hide the hat anywhere obvious next time."

"I hardly think IRREDUCABLE COMPLEXITY that placing it 14 billion years in the past DAWKINS DAWKINS DAWKINS counts as 'obvious'."

"Bloody ironic, though."

"Oh my, yes."

"So," Dragoon twitched, carefully avoiding further contact with the hat, "what now?"

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"Crystallography," Dante smiled, putting his phone into speaker mode and turning back to his favourite hobby.

"I see.  And how are they coming along?" Dragoon asked politely.

"Very well, I think," Dante pursed his lips.  "I'm very close to discovering something, I know it; I just haven't got all the data yet."

"Maybe it's GOD."

"Don't even joke," Dante grimaced.  "As if you weren't bad enough with the hat on."

"I take umbrage at that, I'll have you know.  But that's OK, GOD LOVES YOU."

"Stop it."

"Say 5 Hail Mary's and all's forgiven."

"I will harm you," Dante growled, attempting to reach down the telephone line to strangle his conversational partner.

"You do seem to hate religious types more than most.  They're not all bad, you know."

"I don't hate them.  As a whole," Dante shrugged, once he regained his composure.  "Their beliefs are their own, and that's fine.  Even attacking my own is fine.  After all, science wouldn't get anywhere if it wasn't open to scrutiny.  MY problem lies with those people who attack well accepted theories with no evidence of their own and no decent alternative."

Dragoon put the phone on his couch, pulled up an armchair and started taking notes.

"'Well your theory is wrong and as a scientist you have to consider everything.' Bullshit. I no more have to consider that the world was made by an invisible sky wizard than I have to consider that my lunch was farted out by a flying pink unicorn."

"Vell, voz it?" Dragoon interjected.

"Was it what?" Dante replied, his train of thought momentarily stalled.

"Zer invisible sky vizard vith ze making and ze farting of ze-"


"PROVE IT" Dragoon exploded, ruining his frankly excellent Freud imitation.


"Oh go on."


"I sense hostility," Dragoon quietly placed an ice pack on his phone, which was starting to steam.

"Darwin was religious, you know," Dante changed the subject, and his playlist.  "Mendel, the father of genetics, was a monk."

"Get to the point, man!  This is all becoming far too sensible."

"Religion need not conflict with science," Dante grinned.  "Just look at Sir Robert Winston: brilliant man, very popular scientist, believes very strongly in his Jewish heritage.  He can reconcile the two, find them complementary.  There is no 'war' between science and theism, or even atheism and theism, if there doesn't have to be."

"Careful now - this much logic is sure to upset the hat."

"Religion is spiritual, cannot be quantified, and is therefore completely unrelated to the scientific study of everything.  If people want to be scientific and religious, fine, I don't have a problem with that, but they should keep the two where they belong.  Do you ask a priest to explain centrifuges?  No.  Do you ask a scientist to count angels dancing on a pin?  No.  Science is the study of the material world that we inhabit and religion is the fuzzy pink comfort blanket that makes people feel better about being so small and insignificant."

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