Gurney Halleck: Tales Of A Smuggler

[Dunenewt]

"If wishs were fishs, we'd all cast nets"

  Gurney Halleck had seen it all.  He'd seen his sister brutally raped and murdered in front of him, he'd seen Harkonnen Slavemasters torture him to the point of almost no return, and much more.  But he had thought he was past the bad times, since he had entered the service of the late Duke Leto who he hoped he wasn't dead, and that he had managed to escape, but he knew there was very little chance of that.  Maybe Paul, Duncan, or Thufir had managed to escape, but there was one other thing he wanted, revenge against Jessica, the traitor who had betrayed his beloved House Atreides.  He, and many of his men had sought shelter with the Smugglers, who were, for now at least, out of the reach of the Harkonnens and their Imperial allies.

~~~This is my first non-playable fan-fic I've attempted so don't be too harsh.

[The_Sadukar]

Sounds good thus far :), though I'd wish it was playable.. :'(

[Dunenewt]

Maybe I'll do a playable one after, based on Smugglers.

[exatreide]

nice :)

[Apollyon]

Gurney Halleck had seen it allfullstop for effect, he'd seen his sister brutally raped and murdered in front ifof him, he'd seen Harkonnen Slavemasters torture him to the point of almost no return, and much more.

[Feather Blade]

Nice intro, look forward to some smuggler action.

"I'm the well-trained fruit tree, he thought. Full of well-trained feelings and abilities and all of then grafted onto me - all bearing for someone else to pick."

[Dunenewt]

Ok, I'll change it using Apol's suggestions, and come up with some more tonight.

[bryorama]

I enjoyed reading it so far, get going on the next part already !!  :)

[Dunenewt]

Ok, corrected it now, the reason why I Apol found so many mistakes is because, if anyone ever hears me speak, I don't separate my speech out in to separate sentences, or even clauses, its just one long prose.

[Apollyon]

Ok, corrected it now, the reason why I Apol found so many mistakes is because, if anyone ever hears me speak, I don't separate my speech out in to separate sentences, or even clauses, its just one long prose.

Not really, since that was not the type of mistakes you made. Your clausal seperation was technically passable, just not gripping/aiding to the flow. Most of your mistakes were just a matter of going over the thing again and proof reading.