snc4113 Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 Well.. let's just say that was.. interesting. ??? Oh, and Apollyon, thanks for the inspiration. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 I remember hearing that song years ago hehe, still brings a smile to my face. :DOh and just call me Mr Inspiration... If you want to anyway... I mean Apollyon is fine... :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snc4113 Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 I haven't posted any poems lately.. so here's my newest for your enjoyment, or critism, whatever you want. :- Going HomeAll I ever wantedWas to life of carefree happiness.To be able to laugh and smile Without sad memories floating back.They took it all away,Carried me far from my childhood home.No more time to make small wrongs right;My time has ended here.So far away,Away from all I love.The people are cruel,And know not of my past.Now I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted March 21, 2004 Author Share Posted March 21, 2004 Good job, I like it, it's touching and creates ncie emotive images. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostHunter Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Yeah...I just wrote this up in about 30 seconds ;DI criticizeWhile not taking the time to empathize All these days I wish I could fly far awayTo a much different dayDays in which I see your faceOnes in which we would forget our mistakesThe days I loved youThe days I said I cherished youThe days in which I faced me fearsFor the true contemplation was far from nearWhen it struck I could not knowI showed an ignorance thick as snowYet you held my tight and I was gladFor my weaknesses shone right through meYou heard my criesThe days in which I wish I diedAll these asideWhat did you do?Supported me until my logical demiseNow all we have is memoriesFaint hours in which we connected as oneOnes in which we held each other through our hard timesAll I can do now, is talk to the shadow of who you areMy mistakes have taken a tollDo you love me still?Do you feel me in your breath?Is the next this the next step?And in these daysAll I remember are the fond memoriesI see a faint path tracing my thoughtAnd as my breath grows fainter to youWill you be there to hold meShow meAnd guide me through Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted March 21, 2004 Author Share Posted March 21, 2004 Well, I restrained from replying for a while to give the impression that I really wasn't sitting on fanfic... which I'm not... honestly, but alas I could no longer resist.Well there isn't much to say really... It's a nice poem, and you managed to write verse which is good. Some of the rhyme is highly dodgy, but I guess you know that already. There aren't many poetic features or metaphors/imagery features in the poem, as is the same in snc4113's poem, but that's a typical feature of this type of poem and your poem-writing experience. All in all, good work. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snc4113 Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Ghosthunter, let me just say, that I, being the girl I am, actually cried while reading your poem. I could tell that the person you wrote this about is very close to you, and you do not want to lose them. Well, I'm guessing, after reading this, it is doubtful you ever will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 Lol.It's, er, wondeful... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostHunter Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Yes...uh...wonderful, what help did you need exactly?.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drahgoon Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 i have one i just have to go get my backpack...i have it now...sadnesssadness overcomes like a stormanxiety is replaced bythe greif from the last couple words, thatyou had writen on that paperthat rejection was like a knifethat was stabed into my soft heart.prety good eh? i wrote it after a girl broke up with me. :'( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted March 27, 2004 Author Share Posted March 27, 2004 "prety good eh?"Not overly really.Angst poems are all well and good but you can get a *bit* bored of the same things over and over. I gurss it's not too bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snc4113 Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Hold Me TightA single tear falls,Followed by two moreOvercome by grief,They fall faster and in a vast amount.I want to run to you,I need you to hold me tight,And say, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drahgoon Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 "prety good eh?"Not overly really.Angst poems are all well and good but you can get a *bit* bored of the same things over and over. I gurss it's not too bad.you seriously need to work on your grammer. and that comment was sacastic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nemafakei Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 "you seriously need to work on your grammer. and that comment was sacastic"His grammar was perfectly correct, though I would prefer a few more commas, that's more opinion than anything. There was one spelling mistake. I also reckon he's aware that it was sarcastic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drahgoon Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 you need to work on your understanding of sarcasmEDIT: so there!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inoculator9 Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Doesn't matter whether your comment was sarcastic, Apollyon is just saying it bit :) And his grammaer was impecible.If you care to lecture us on sarcasm, you should spell the word right :PAnd another excellent poem snc :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nemafakei Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Hang on, did you mean that your own sentence preceding was sarcasm, or Apollyon's? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted April 4, 2004 Author Share Posted April 4, 2004 "you seriously need to work on your grammer. and that comment was sacastic "No, no. *That* comment was ironic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snc4113 Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 Death to the EnemyA fast death,To those who love you.A slow, painful death,To those against you.Kill the onesThat make you cry.Torture themWho wish you to die.When suicideIs all you wish,Do not follow throughFor then, the enemy has won.Fight for you right,To live,To win, To be.There will be someoneTo hold you tight,To tell you that you are beautiful,To beat the enemy with you, for you. ** I apologise to all of my "fans" that have missed me the last two weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inoculator9 Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Twinkie, for the love of all things holy I hope that was a joke.Snc, another excellent production :) Bravo ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted April 17, 2004 Author Share Posted April 17, 2004 Yeah, like I said, nice job. :)In the Forests of the Night.Old and forlorn, the tired crones bayed blood across the dark.Hungry for vision and smell they set forth to devour existence.Travelling the iron road festooned, lights garnered from the sky;A tunnel irridescent in its torturous twists and turnsCried injustice at violation and deceitful liesAs the crones took for want and wasted all amok.The mind-cat growled complicity and chased intoThe woods burning bright with towering battle,Drinking of the liquid leaves and hacking hewn the headAnd baleful canopies of redwood wonder'Till asunder sky and night and all the lightsDrawn up in spectation of earthen might.Onwards lurched the tired old KaladatOn whisper-thought and drunken wavesTo wash against the temple-body, soul-mind shoreAnd strip it of its dirty flesh - cleansed to limestone,Shining effervescent illumination in the capricious half-lightAs the staggering beast considered the night and all its flourishing.Swimming high amidst the whirlpool nebulae,The wise archon swept and dived in lighter waters,Whipping up a crescendo of wolves in the wind,Tussling and barking against his long silken mane.Vying for control over the radiant halo of light,The pack of wolves, angel-led, escape into the night.The gods laughed a-wonder as their brethren met:A clash and torrent of other-worldliness,A flood stampede of many paths All set about for yet one task:The night in all its wonderous visage,Let it prosper in nature's own image. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snc4113 Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 EmotionsAll I want,For just one moment of time,Is to be able to just lay down,And cry.To be able to let loose,All of the pain inside.I want to know who I am,And what I can be. Everything around meIs changing more than words can say;I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snc4113 Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 Well, its good to know that any of you other poets can comment on my shit. But, here's another one.Stolen LoveIt has all flown away,That feeling of love you gave.You stole from me,Without a care.You mended what was broken,And stole what did not belong to you.But that all does not matter now,For now I can not feel.A great actor you are,To that I will admit,However you have failed,What would have been your best gig yet.You did not listen,To what I had to say.Or else you would have known,I have no heart for you to take.Another before you,Did sweep me off my feet.My love he took,And disappeared without a trace.So bid adoTo what we had,For you tried to run, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 Great poems again, Staci. :DThe Artificer's HordeFlaked with grime and clinical dust, the cogs turned willfullyBeyond whithering rust. In severed serendipity they worked,Deep below, in earthen bowels and lurked ever watching, ever reachingFor the machinations of mankind and teaching the smaller whirring instrumentsOf creation to sing new lines in their harmony of learning and prevent Stagnation of the oilpool genepool with procreative yearning.The grandfather clock ticked terror in tune, keeping watchAs the Artificer's Horde kept labour so soon might stand a timeThat the old piece would take joy in telling - when the Old Work was doneAnd a task expelling might be run throughout the twists and tremblesOf the Apparatus and assemble once more the world for the workers old,That for a time untold have laboured ever more beneath the filth and the mould. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snc4113 Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Beautiful job, as always. ;) Here is my poem to one of my good friends when she was havin a bad day. DiscoveryPlease give us a chance,To discover who we are.We know these time are hard on you,But they hurt us too.All we want,Is a bit of time,To be able to learn,More about ourselves.You want us to be,Something we Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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