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Cows--pretty funny

Taqwa11

By Taqwa11
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Taqwa11

Taqwa11

Posted
Posted

:) Pretty funny.

Subject:Cows

> >

> > DEMOCRAT:

> >

> > You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.

> > You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people

> > into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you

> > to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people

> > you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and

> > give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara

> > Streisand sings for you

> >

> > SOCIALIST:

> >

> > You have two cows. The government takes one

> > and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative

> > to tell him how to manage his cow.

> >

> > REPUBLICAN:

> >

> > You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.

> > So?

> >

> > COMMUNIST:

> >

> > You have two cows. The government seizes

> > both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for

> > hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

> >

> > CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:

> >

> > You have two cows. You

> > sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

> >

> > DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:

> >

> > You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to

sell

> > both to support a man in a foreign country who has

> > only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

> >

> > BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:

> >

> > You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks

the

> > other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

> >

> > AMERICAN CORPORATION:

> >

> > You have two cows.

> > You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO

> > on the second one. You force the 2 cows to produce the

> > milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow

> > drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts

> > stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

> > Your stock goes up.

> >

> > FRENCH CORPORATION:

> >

> > You have two cows. You go on

> > strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch.

> > Life is good.

> >

> > JAPANESE CORPORATION:

> >

> > You have two cows. You redesign

> > them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow

> > and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to

> > travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the

> > top of their class at cow school.

> >

> > GERMAN CORPORATION:

> >

> > You have two cows. You reengineer

> > them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give

> > excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an

> > hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of

> > vacation per year.

> >

> > ITALIAN CORPORATION:

> >

> > You have two cows but you don't

> > know where they are. While ambling around, you see a

> > beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

> >

> > RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

> >

> > You have two cows.

> > You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have

> > five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them

> > again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again

> > and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and

> > open another bottle of vodka. The Mafia shows up and

> > takes over however many cows you really have.

> >

> > POLISH CORPORATION:

> >

> > You have two bulls. Employees are

> > regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

> >

> > FLORIDA CORPORATION:

> >

> > You have a black cow and a brown

> > cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of

> > the people who like the brown one best vote for the

> > black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote

> > for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote

> > at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state

> > tell you which is the best-looking one.

> >

> > NEW YORK CORPORATION:

> >

> > You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the

> > leader of the

> > herd, so you pick some cow from Arkansas

SurlyPIG

SurlyPIG

Posted
Posted

;D LOL that's funny. I saw something similar in the newspaper a while back, but this is much funnier. However, I would like to add one that the newspaper article had

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes. The government pays you to take harmonica lessons.

VigilVirus

VigilVirus

Posted
Posted

I know some more:

FASCISM - You have two cows. The government takes one away and presses it into military service.

NAZISM - You have two cows. The government takes one away and shoots it for having a large nose and dark spots.

TRIBALISM - You have two cows. Your neighbors take both cows and shoot you.

REDISTRIBUTIONISM - You have two cows. Everyone should have the same amount of cow. The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.

WELFAREISM (REDISTRIBUTIONISM REVISITED) - You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone else who doesn't know how to milk it.

BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows. The government takes both, loses one while moving it to a farm in Puerto Rico and forgets to milk the other.

LIBERTARIANISM - You have two cows. You let them do what they want.

REAGANOMICS - You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull. You take out a huge loan on the cow, and ignore both the cow and the loan from that point on. Then, you try to milk the bull and blame the Japanese for its lack of production.

CONSERVATISM - You have two cows. They pray in school every day.

LIBERALISM - You have two cows. You don't worry that they sleep together.

PROTECTIONISM - You have two cows. You can't buy a bull from another country.

PEROTISM - You have two cows. You aren't allowed to sell the milk to Mexicans.

HILLARYISM - You have two cows. Everyone should have a cow from the government, even if they don't want a cow.

CLINTONISM - You have two cows. The president can't decide what he wants to do about it.

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