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Life, the Universe & Everything: Fenceposts at Dawn

Dragoon Knight

By Dragoon Knight
in Fan Fiction

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Dante

Dante

Posted
Posted

Well, mayb-NAH. Now play the DVD.

Ah, that seems to be doing the trick. Pitiful thing doesn't understand why he can't maintain his levels of disgust, but will turn away regardless.

Dante

Dante

Posted
Posted

*Yawn*

This is a Dune forum, you know. We're not talking about Dune, but I could quote you some. I could quote you Duncan, because he's my favourite character. I ignored everything in Dune about homosexuality, you see, because it didn't fit in to my tiny worldview.

You see, gays (and by this, of course, I still mean delicious gay men) are allowed to do anything. It is impossible for straight men or women to do anything that they want, because this is THE WEST, and THE WEST caters to gays. I have studies that show this, do you want to see them? Well you can't.

Gays get AIDS, twice a day, every day. They are incapable of settling down, because hey, men are just wired that way!  Without a woman to cook, clean and have sex with for the sole purpose of procreation and certainly never in the bumhole well maybe just once but we were drunk alright it was dark and I couldn't see and she was wet and it reminded me of that one time with Nigel...la.

Quickly! TO THE BIBLE, IT WILL SAVE ME.

ONCE THERE WAS A THING THAT SAID A THING AND DID A THING AND IT WAS A THING. ADVERBS, 16:428.

DO NOT LIE DOWN, YEA YOU HAVE TO SLEEP UPRIGHT AND GET CRAMPS OR GOD WILL GET PISSY. LOVE-ATTICUS, X^4,3.124.

Dragoon Knight

Dragoon Knight

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You're losing it. Before, you could spout these obscenities without being challenged. But then you tried to challenge people who wouldn't back down. The wolf, my friend and I, for example. Your arguments have never changed; all you can come back to is that you work in a center and you see gay people. You don't bother to get to know them for who they are; you aren't interested in that. All you do is try to change them into something they're not; something that will conform to your petty outlook on life.

You claim to offer free help, with no strings attached, but that's not true. You slip little daggers of doubt in them from the get-go. "Hey, " they think. "These Christians aren't so bad. Sure, I'll listen to them while I get my first hot meal in days."

*Snikt*

"What do you mean 'my lifestyle'? Yeah, I drink and I've dabbled in drugs, but that's because I've had a tough life and made some bad decisions. It has nothing to do..."

*Slice*

"Oh, well... I guess if I hadn't been bullied about being gay in school and my Grandad hadn't died when I needed his advice the most, I might not have turned to cannabis..."

*Stabstabstab*

"You... you're right. My life has been ruined, all because I'm gay."

That's how you get them. You convince them that all their failings in life are down to something they cannot change. And while you may see your "results", all you can ever witness is a thin façade. A veil draped over someone who feels obliged to follow your advice, just because you feigned a kindness to them when they were in their most dire need.

Realise this, you bigoted imbecile. They will always be gays; they will just be closeted and repressed because of the damage you have done. Big congratulations on that.

Dragoon Knight

Dragoon Knight

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You... do you even listen to yourself?  I will never be able to fathom just how people like you can spout this sort of shit, read it over and then refrain from killing themselves for being so stupid.

You're even worse than the wingnut.  At least she only says stupid things.  You HURT people, certainly more than Dante ever has, and display pride in that fact.  When the Stupid Hat takes over, people laugh.  There is a certain level of pity that tempers the disgust; when you understand exactly why the Stupid Hat is the way it is, some of the bile turns into mere spit.  Conversations get heated, sure, but there's a limit to exactly how far they can go.  Moreover, there's a limit to how much they can realistically convey.

But there is an element of sadness here, too.  You seem to truly believe that what you're doing is "good".  That it's "THE LORD'S WORK".  Let me tell you something: I only ever went to church when I was made to once or twice as a kid, or when there was a wedding.  I only sang hymns when it was part of the curriculum in my early school years.  I stopped believing in God only shortly after I stopped believing in Santa Claus, and I was still a better Christian than you will ever be.

Everything you say and do goes so against the grain of what the Bible tries to teach.  You are an evil thing, barely worth the attention you so dearly love to seek.  Begone.

Dante

Dante

Posted
Posted

You�re just angry because I�m not giving your perfect answer! You can�t admit that gay people don�t deserve civil rights, because the blacks and the Hispanics already took them all! There�s none left for you!

SHUT UP I KNOW WHERE CALIFORNIYORK IS.

I know that most lesbians are frumpy. I CAN MAKE STATEMENTS LIKE THAT BECAUSE GROSS GENERALISATIONS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.

ERGO.

VISA VEE.

JEWS NEED TO BE COMPLETED BUT I�M NOT A RACIST OR ANYTHING.

Why don�t you change? This is the end of Chapterhouse.

Dragoon Knight

Dragoon Knight

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You are so far back in that closet that you're practically teabagging Aslan.

That you find it appropriate to gloss over the murder of a man who was killed for leaning against his brother while drunk in favour of discussing the sexual elements of naked man... well, that says a lot about you.

You are completely incapable of acknowledging arguments that disprove you, aren't you? You just float serenely onward on your little pink bubble-cloud of cretinism, blissfully unaware that you have no friends, here or anywhere. Hypocrisy just doesn't cover it: there needs to be a new word to describe just how wrong you are. ULTRA-WRONG, perhaps. MEGA-HYPOCRITE. THUNDER-DUNCE. You are so incomprehensibly stupid, it's a wonder you can even breathe without choking on air.

Dante

Dante

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Posted

I don't care what you say. I watch Gay Pride parades. When that's not happening, I spend my time at homeless shelters, desperately seeking out gay men. When I catch a spare minute or two, I polish my "Worst Father Ever" trophy and tell my son to stop being a womaniser or I'll disown him.

Don't you see how my flawed logic smashes together in a horrible trainwreck of closeted sexual issues, racist ideals and hateful doctrine? I use the Bible as a tool; a vessel to justify my rhetoric!

But wait, there's more! Every time you try and convince me otherwise, attempting to usher logic into any available orifice through any possible means, I become EVEN MORE self-righteous! It's clearly all just a test from God, to try and prove that my hatred for a sizeable fraction of the entire population of the Earth is justified. When I get to heaven, I'll get proven right!

Dragoon Knight

Dragoon Knight

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With an explosion of foul-smelling hot air, the red-purple mass tore itself to pieces.  The shreds of its dignity were exposed for everyone to see, transparent as his lies, before being sucked back into the maelstrom of the portal.  The wolf was ready and waiting, tearing into the remnants with astounding efficiency.

"He'll be back, you know, " Dragoon mused, coming out from underneath his desk.

"Sooner than you'd think, " Dante agreed.  He'd been hiding holding an umbrella in front of himself.  "Once these things are let loose, they take ages to die off."

Dragoon was momentarily distracted by his thoughts.  "But what to use, if not logic?"

"Parody, " Dante stated pointedly.  "Let his arguments become jokes, their underlying reasoning laid bare."

"You think it'll work?"

"It did for the Stupid Hat, " Dante smiled, starting to hum the tune of MC Hammer's Can't Touch This.

Dante

Dante

Posted
Posted

"We're good for now, at least." Dragoon said, standing up and dusting off his jeans.

"Just ignore any residual wailing." Dante nodded. "It'll pass when the echoes die down."

"I suppose this means we should get back to more important things." noted Dragoon, sitting down in his chair.

"We can clearly multitask."

"Yes... well how about we start preparing for the next batch of bullshit?"

"Best just to observe now. Wait quietly."

Dragoon peered through the portal. The textbook that Dante had hidden earlier had come loose in the commotion, so that part of the spine was visible. Tracking his friend's gaze, Dante quickly tucked the book away.

"Mill-?" Dragoon's question began.

"MILLS." Dante interjected. "I LOVE MILLS."

"Mills?"

"Mills."

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