Democrat Jokes

[GUNWOUNDS]

Hello fellow republicans here is some humor for your reading pleasure and

to lighten up PRP a bit.

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A man bellies up to a bar muttering,"asshole democrats".

A guy next to him says, "Hey I take offense to that".

The man says, "Why, are you a democrat".

No the guy says "I'm an asshole".

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The old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a Democrat. Get me a change of registration form." "You can do it", the lawyer said, "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a Democrat?" "That's my business! Get me the form!"

Four days later, the old man got his registration changed. His lawyer was at his bedside making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing, and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to become a Democrat so badly before you died?" In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said: "One less Democrat".

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Environmentalists are like watermelons. Green on the outside, red on the inside!

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Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?

A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.

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In an article on Northern Ireland, the political party Sinn Fein was described as the political wing of the IRA. I guess that makes the Democratic Party the political wing of the IRS.

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A Democrat and your mother-in-law are trapped in a burning building. You only have time to save one of them.

Do you have lunch or go to a movie?

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Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?

A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.

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Q: What's the difference between a Democrat on a Harley and a vacuum cleaner?

A: The vacuum has the dirt bag on the inside.

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Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?

A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?

A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

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SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes one and gives it to someone else.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The state takes both and gives you milk.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The state takes both and sells you milk.

NAZISM: You have two cows. The state takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The state takes both, kills one, and spills the milk in the sewage system.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a conservative Democrat, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

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Q: What's the difference between Al Gore and a slab of formica?

A: Absolutely nothing.

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News Flash: Al Gore was admitted to a hospital yesterday in Washington. Sources tell us that termites thought that Al Gore was an old bed post.

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President Clinton plans to reduce the budget deficit by an appeal to sacrifice. The problem, however, is that every time he gets near a virgin...

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Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a snake?

A: One is spineless, has a forked tongue and is a threat to humans. The other is a reptile

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THE CLINTON ADMINISTRATION: "BRINGING WASHINGTON TO ITS KNEES"

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Q: What's a conservative?

A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.  <--- love this one  :P

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Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?

A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.

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Q: Why do the Kennedy's cry during sex?

A: Mace

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"I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated."

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Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.

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Vote Democrat... It's easier than getting a job.

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A man is walking near a lake when he sees Bill Clinton in a sinking boat. He can either save Bill Clinton or take a picture that would earn him the Pulitzer Prize. The question is... Which lense does he use?

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source - http://dolphin.upenn.edu/~cr/demo_jok.html

:)

[Wolf]

I don't think I can even describe the backlash that will befall you, Gunwounds. You are a very brave man. Good luck.

*runs*

[thomas]

Gunwounds, you have balls the size of jupiter I salute you! ;)

[nemafakei]

Some of them are good, but others make little to no sense.

[danielsh]

I really like the one where you tell me that my entire worldview is the result of immaturity and/or raging hormones!

[Vanguard3000]

Most of those jokes are pretty weak.  I recall many of them being about lawyers, etc, where someone simply replaced "lawyer" with "democrat".  Clever.

Now Dan's joke, on the other hand...  Marvellous!

[bryorama]

Dans joke is brilliant.

[GUNWOUNDS]

yea that was a funny one.

[Khan]

Most of Gunwounds ones I've already heard about republicans anyway.

A man is walking near a lake when he sees Bill Clinton in a sinking boat. He can either save Bill Clinton or take a picture that would earn him the Pulitzer Prize. The question is... Which lense does he use?

I've heard this one with Bush instead of clinton, it was funny then, but these are just poor, none of them are funny or even raised a grin. A lot of them aren't even jokes, just collections of words. :-

[GUNWOUNDS]

ya some arent funny ... but some are pretty good.