Cyborg Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 Here's my contribution to the fan fiction forum.Thank you, Dust Scout, for asking me about my nickname on Msn Messenger.It's a spontaneously written poem called Fields of blight:Walking in fields of blightlooking at the skythere is no sunthere are no cloudsjust black spaceendlessfeel no need to sleepnor eatnor drinkjust exhaustedwalking for daysmonthsyearsground is still greystill deadstill quietexcept for shrieks of agonyno shelter existsmust keep goingit's getting darkergreyerthe endless black ceilingdrawing closerice covers the grey groundwalking with bare feethands turning blueincreasingly coldincreasingly blacksitting downmy legs can't walkcan't movetoo frozentoo exhaustedfalling asleep Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 Glad to have been of service. :)It was worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted September 6, 2003 Share Posted September 6, 2003 Nice work.It reminds me of the poems I used to write a while back. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostHunter Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 Very good, got a real deep down feeling from reading it.And by the way; you can always contribute MORE to Fan Fiction. ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyborg Posted September 8, 2003 Author Share Posted September 8, 2003 Thanks for the comments.I might contribute with something from time to time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyborg Posted September 10, 2003 Author Share Posted September 10, 2003 This is a new one.Again made in below five minutes, which is the time it takes to express your current feelings in words...This is called Values--------------------------------------------------------why always increase value?values are never singlethey're always multiplecurves, lineswhile the wished one risesbeyond the necessarythe others sinkuntil they reach the bottomwhere y equals nothingor even belowthat's what they getthose menwho wish for great values--------------------------------------------------------Anyone wish to comment this one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 Well, since you commented in my thread, I thought I'd do for you the same.I would suggest you read over your poem before you commit to it to see how it sounds. For instance (and remember this is only my personal opinion, and may not be your own), where you write:"why more?why most?"This stands out rather uglily in meter when compared to the following stanzas. If you were to change it to "why-ever more? why-ever most?" it might fit better. Other than that I can't really say anything critical. They're both good poems, but I think they would benefit from some tweaking. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyborg Posted September 14, 2003 Author Share Posted September 14, 2003 Thank you for your good review, Apollyon.I too though the beginning was rather crappy, but somehow, I didn't rewrite it. Fixed now though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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