Poem collection

[Cyborg]

Here's my contribution to the fan fiction forum.

Thank you, Dust Scout, for asking me about my nickname on Msn Messenger.

It's a spontaneously written poem called Fields of blight:

Walking in fields of blight

looking at the sky

there is no sun

there are no clouds

just black space

endless

feel no need to sleep

nor eat

nor drink

just exhausted

walking for days

months

years

ground is still grey

still dead

still quiet

except for shrieks of agony

no shelter exists

must keep going

it's getting darker

greyer

the endless black ceiling

drawing closer

ice covers the grey ground

walking with bare feet

hands turning blue

increasingly cold

increasingly black

sitting down

my legs can't walk

can't move

too frozen

too exhausted

falling asleep

[Dante]

Glad to have been of service. :)

It was worth it.

[Apollyon]

Nice work.

It reminds me of the poems I used to write a while back. :)

[GhostHunter]

Very good, got a real deep down feeling from reading it.

And by the way; you can always contribute MORE to Fan Fiction. ;D

[Cyborg]

Thanks for the comments.

I might contribute with something from time to time.

[Cyborg]

This is a new one.

Again made in below five minutes, which is the time it takes to express your current feelings in words...

This is called Values

--------------------------------------------------------

why always increase value?

values are never single

they're always multiple

curves, lines

while the wished one rises

beyond the necessary

the others sink

until they reach the bottom

where y equals nothing

or even below

that's what they get

those men

who wish for great values

--------------------------------------------------------

Anyone wish to comment this one?

[Apollyon]

Well, since you commented in my thread, I thought I'd do for you the same.

I would suggest you read over your poem before you commit to it to see how it sounds. For instance (and remember this is only my personal opinion, and may not be your own), where you write:

"why more?

why most?"

This stands out rather uglily in meter when compared to the following stanzas. If you were to change it to "why-ever more? why-ever most?" it might fit better. Other than that I can't really say anything critical. They're both good poems, but I think they would benefit from some tweaking. :)

[Cyborg]

Thank you for your good review, Apollyon.

I too though the beginning was rather crappy, but somehow, I didn't rewrite it.

Fixed now though.