What I do when I'm not enjoying life.... or a new jokes thread

[nampigai]

Freight forwarder story

A man is flying in a balloon, but he is lost. He drops down to a

height of 30 feet and shouts down to a man standing in the field:

- " Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

- The man in the fields replies (NaMp): " You are in a balloon"

-" You must be a forwarder" says the balloonist.

-" How do you know?" asks the man in the field(again NaMp).

-" Because the information you have supplied is factually correct, but effectively completely useless" says the balloonist.

-" Well, you must be a customer" says the forwarder (guess who).

-" How do you know that?" the balloon man asks.

-" Because" says the forwarder," you got yourself

completely fucking lost and all of a sudden it's my fault(correct NaMp again).

[Warlord Ripskar]

You are wrong because:

1. Amazingly Bad Analogy:

Example: You can train a dog to fetch a stick, therefore you can train a potato to dance

2. Faulty Cause and Effect:

Example: On the basis of my observations, wearing huge pants makes you fat.

3. I Am the World:

Example: I don't listen to country music. Therefore, country music isn't popular.

4. Ignoring Everything Science Knows About the Brain:

Example: People choose to be obese/gay/alcoholic because they prefer the lifestyle.

5. The Few Are The Same As The Whole:

Example: Some Elbonians are animal rights activists. Some Elbonians wear fur coats. Therefore, Elbonians are hypocrites.

6. Generalizing From Self:

Example: I'm a liar. Therefore, I don't believe what you're saying.

7. Argument By Bizarre Definition:

Example: He's not a criminal. He just does things that are against the law.

8. Total Logical Disconnect:

Example: I enjoy pasta because my house is made out of bricks.

9. Judging Things Without Comparison To Alternatives:

Example: I don't invest in U.S. Treasury Bills. There's too much risk.

10. Anything You Don't Understand Is Easy To Do:

Example: If you have the right tools, how hard can it be to generate nuclear fission at home?

11. Ignorance Of All Statistics:

Example: I'm putting all my money in the lottery this week because the jackpot is so big.

12. Ignoring the Downside Risk:

Example: I know that bungee jumping could kill me, but it's three seconds of great fun!

13. Substituting Famous Quotes For Common Sense:

Example: Remember, "All things come to those who wait." So don't bother looking for a job.

14. Irrelevant Comparisons:

Example: A hundred dollars is a good price for a toaster, compared to buying a Ferrari.

15. Circular Reasoning:

Example: I'm correct because I'm smarter than you. And I must be smarter than you because I'm correct.

16. Incompleteness As Proof Of Defect:

Example: Your theory of gravity doesn't explain why there are no unicorns, therefore it must be wrong.

17. Ignoring the Advice of Experts Without a Good Reason:

Example: Sure, the experts think you shouldn't ride your bicycle into the eye of a hurricane, but I have my own theory.

18. Following the Advice of Known Idiots:

Example: Uncle Billy says pork makes you smarter. That's good enough for me.

19. Reaching Bizarre Conclusions Without Any Information:

Example: The car won't start. I'm certain the spark plugs have been stolen by rogue clowns.

20. Faulty Pattern Recognition:

Example: His last six wives were murdered mysteriously. I hope to be wife number seven.

21. Failure to Recognize What's Important:

Example: My house is on fire! Quick, call the post office and tell them to hold my mail!

22. Unclear on the Concept of Sunk Costs:

Example: We've spent millions in developing a water-powered pogo-stick. We can't stop investing now, or it will all be wasted!

23. Overapplication of Occam's Razor(which states that the simplest explanation is usually right):

Example: The simplest explanation for the moon landings is that they were hoaxes.

24. Ignoring All Anecdotal Evidence:

Example: I always get hives after eating strawberries. But without a scientifically controlled experiment, it's not reliable data. So I continue to eat strawberries everyday, since I can't tell that they cause hives.

25. Inability to Understand that Some Things Have Multiple Causes:

Example: The Beatles were popular for only one reason: They were good singers.

[Inoculator9]

I think people liked the Beetle's haircuts...

[DjCiD]

I thought it was their mustaches' ???

[Inoculator9]

They didn't have mustaches when they were really popular :P

[DjCiD]

I know It's what my dad had me listening to growing up, that and Jimmy Buffett.... I was just being sarcastic

[nampigai]

so, you are a little civilized afterall CiD, I'm amazed.

[DjCiD]

*throws a steak in front of NaMp*

wait for it... now run I knew he'd choose the steak...

damn theres Mahid... wheres the spare sheep? Throw it now!

... :D

I listen to all types of music, you'd be very surprised to see my CD catalog or the mp3s on my HD ;D