A poem, what do you think?

[Apollyon]

The Passport

Gripping here the dimensions glide.

Glide and part the bonds untied.

I pity those they left behind.

But that is not my fault to be,

'Tis merely his who does not see.

Corporeal substance now made thin,

Restless there of original sin.

Behold the form that's dotted with pain,

The sifting sands of the souls insane.

Blocked from the path beyond,

Memories dawn though rarely fond.

Calling back from decades passed,

Deathly rest is here at last.

Asking me for worthiness,

Perhaps for memory's sweet embrace.

Presenting here my pathway clear,

The ethereal being I so much fear.

Alas they say permission denied.

A world broke down. My soul has died.

Fleeing, crying, gnashing, weeping,

My consciousness lies within me sleeping.

What do you think?

I have to write a poem on the topic "the passport" for a competition thing.

Is there anything you think I could change to improve it or anything?

[Anathema]

I think it is very good as it is :)

[emprworm]

cool poem

[VigilVirus]

Most excellent work :)

[Apollyon]

well thanks guys, I guess ill submit it as it is then =).