True 'Geniuses'

[rogue1896]

> Subject: Quick Thinking

>

> Your ticket please:

> A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

> As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened

> his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, Sir, I

> need to see your ticket, not your stub."

> ************************************************************************

> Let's go for stupid :

> A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but

> couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do

> these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're

> dead."

> ************************************************************************

> Caught for speeding:

> The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding,

> rolled down his window. I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

> The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop

> finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

> ************************************************************************

> Stuck under a bridge:

> A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that

> reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of

> him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

> Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks

> around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got

> stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and

> ran out of gas."

> ************************************************************************

> Drunk?

> A drunk was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one

> foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in,

> sir. You're obviously drunk". The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya

> absolutely sure I'm drunk?" Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's

> go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was

> a cripple."

> *******************************************************************

> Dealing with trouble

> A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance.

> The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed

> almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy

> and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, I'll bet that you're also an

> escape artist-probably better than Houdini. The giant nodded. If I had

> some chains, the deputy continued, you could show us how strong you really

> are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how

> quickly you can break out of them?" Once in the cuffs, the man puffed,

> pulled and jerked for four minutes. I can't get out of these, the giant

> growled. Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. Nope, he

> replied. I can't do it. In that case," said the deputy, "you're under

> arrest."

> ************************************************************************

> Too Late

> The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and

> walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a

> policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M." asked the officer .

> "I'm going to a lecture" the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture

> at this hour" the cop asked. "My wife" said the man.

>

>

>

not too incredibly funny but it's a laugh or two.

[DjCiD]

I really like the stuck under a bridge I'm gonna have to remember that one next time I get stuck under a bridge driving an 18 wheeler ;D