Jump to content

No....name...open to sugestions... R&R plese.


exatreide
 Share

Recommended Posts

note this not a war thread. only i will do the actual wrighting of it. i need your opinions of it though.

Rodger stood still. As did the rest of his comerades. Standing Infront of the army was atleast a legion of the Imperials army. There Golden shields gleemed from setting twin orange suns.

Rodger looke at his comerades. Pesents. Plasma spears, swords,Some with nothing at all. He could see the fear in their eyes. The beads of sweat rolling down there faces.

He squezed the base of his deactivated plasma sword. The feeling of it giving him some comfort.

He stood two lines deep of seven. He was a pesent like all the others. The army of Kiljar had been slaughterd by the Imperials in the battel of the scrolls. Tricked into laying down there weapons for a truce. Only to have there backs torn open from behind.

He looked at the legion in the distence, envied there helmets and shields. There boots and there scalled armor.

The only advantage the pesents of kiljar possed was numbers,and a slight advantage this was only out numbering the legion by a few hundered men.They had no armor only torn rags. There weapons generation old plasma swords. Still efective against the legion if the power source lastest through the battel.

The groun shook as King Lijua Rode infront of his pesent army. Waving his Purple Plsma sword with his left hand while holding his steed with his right.His sliver scalled armor shone beautifuly from the purple glow of his plama sword.

Only faint whispers of the kings screems made it to Rodgers ears. The king was to far away.

The kings horse galleped down the massive line of troops while the king shouted from above.

Rodger heard the kings as he passed infront of the line.

"Fear not! for you are the imortals. And you are about to die!"

The king rode on shouting down the line.

The words filled Rodger with a sense of pride. Even if I shall die. Let my sword strike down at least one of Suljuls troops.

This pride vanished as the Legion of the Empire slowly marched foward. There plasma spears activated and held foward. There heads hid behind there golden shields to protect from arrows.

Beads of sweat raced down rodger. His heart pounding furiusly inside his chest. The anxity was horibul. Part of him wanted to turn and run.To save himself from certin death. Yet he stayed in the line. His feet firmly inplace. His hand held ready to activate his plasma sword and charge.

King Liju rode to the middel of his troops, And far enough out that all could see him.

He swung his plasma blade foward pointing towards the aproching legion.

The Pesent army charged.

awaiting...comments....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Legion stoped at the sight of King Liju charg. Not from fear but from disiplin. Let the enemy charge you. Let them waste there precious energy on running and not on fighting.

The peasents charged through the meadow. letting out a primortial howl. activating there plasma weapons as the did.

Rodger charged along with them caught in a adreinil rush. His fear vanished. Everything vanished. He activated his plasma sword.The greenish plasma shot out and formed into the shape of a sword.

Rodger held the blade over his head with both hands to strike down on the head of a Suljul soilder.

The legion didnt move at all. Or cry out.There front line remained solid as a wall. The soilders behind had their hands waiting to activate there blades.

The first line crashed into the wall. Most of the line was broke by the charge. Rodger was lucky. the peasent infront of him and nocked down the spear men.The termendous clash of metel on metel drowned out any other noise beside the battel. The peasents had pushed the legion back infront of rodger leaving him standing behind. stareing at the battel.The dance of it. The twirl of the plasma sword. the spinning of it. The ghost left behind the plasma sword as it moved. How it seared through the flesh of those it contacted.

The peasents ahead of Rodger fell. Overwelmed by the better trained and better eqiped soilders.This was happening over the entire battel field. The peasents where being cut to peices. Many of the peasents swords deactivated in the middel of a fight leaving them suddenly vunerabul. Peasents screems soon filled the air. There bodies begain droping like flies. For every 1 enemy soilder killed the peasents lost 5. It was soon turning into a route. The remaining peasents begain falling back to the middel. There numbers nearly cut in half. They still faught on despretly.

Rodger turned. Blocking a swiping plasma blade. Nearly braking his arm from the impact. The soilder was atleast a head higher than him.The soilder never broke the atack. He simply pressed. the blades cracking and crinking as there plasma fields contacted. The soilder pressed harder. pressing the blade. Rodger tried tried to hold it. The soilder was to strong overwelming the peasent with ease. Rodger still held. his arms exploded in pain as he held the tip of the the sword inchs from the ground. His wrists nearly letting the the sword go.

He looked up at the soidler. His golden faceplate his his face.

Rodger spat. A last insault before the pain forced him to let go of his blade.He looked down. his arms was pure white.

The presure against his blade suddenly died.The mans head suddenly fell from his body. Rolling down his chest and onto the meadow.There was not nearly any blood, The super heated plasma carterizes the flesh on impact. His body fell onto it.

Rodger looked up. It had been the King. Riding apon his horse. He had saved his life.

Rodger picked up the fallen soilders plasma sword and continued.....

modifed it again....tell me if its better

awaiting comments.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hrmmm...Maybe a few grammar lessons? Just kidding, it's nice, perhaps you should focus a bit more on numbers though, and blood is always plus ;)

Also, war is reckless, chaotic, violent and uncaring. Let some innocents die, and focus a bit less on your main character. (HINT) It's always fun to watch a guy with a superweapon get tripped up and almost killed. (HINT)

Anyway, you asked for input, so here's your answer. Nice job so far though :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...