Joke of the day thread

[SurlyPIG]

Everyone good use a laugh now and then. Feel free to add your own as you see fit. Todays joke is, "Stupid things people in court."

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People Really Said These Things In Court

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?

A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?

A: I went to Europe, sir.

Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

[gryphon]

I have some real life experiance that could easaly pass as a joke ....

When talking to a guy in the train he told me "But you know, I'm an agnost."

"by your own idea or is it that others say that of you ?"

"no" he replies, "I've thought about it for a long time but know I'm shure I am an agnost."

"...."

Or an email I recieved ones, from a guy asking fot the Dune2000 installation code. ..

Makes you wonder, are jokes based upon real life, and are people really that stupid ?

[DukeLeto]

Or an email I recieved ones, from a guy asking fot the Dune2000 installation code. ..

I got that e-mail too. I just responed: "There is no installation code for Dune 2000. Are you really that naive, or just plain stupid?" ;D

[killinator]

The Lone Ranger is captured by Apaches and about to be burned alive. "Before I kill you," says the Indian chief, "I will grant you one wish."

"Bring me my horse," he replies.

So the chief nods, and Silver is led before the Lone Ranger. He whispers in the horse's ear, and it bolts off. An hour later it comes galloping back with a beautiful blonde riding barebback.

The Lone Ranger lunges at the animal and grabs it by the ears. "You stupid idiot," he hollers. "I said bring POSSE. ;D