Some experimentation - criticism encouraged!

[Vanguard3000]

I'm working on another work of fanfiction, based on the show Starhunter.  I've just finished chapter two, and I've made it in a style that is very experimental for me.

Chapter two, 'Here be Monsters', is very dialogue driven, and the narrative is very minimalist.  I've only just finished it, so it'll likely need some polishing later on.  In any event, I'd like to hear what you think of the style itself.

Oh, and feel free to read Chapter One if you like.  ;)

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2152252/1/

[Dante]

I like it. Though I'm not familiar with the show, so I possibly don't get it as I otherwise might. The emphasis on dialogue works well because that's really where all the action takes place in the second chapter. Er... I've never paid that much attention to the mechanics of writing I'm afraid, always been more interested in the content than the structure. So while I'd be be able to heap praise on the content of the story (I really like that journal entry at the beginning of the first chapter, makes for a great introduction and a rather nifty conversation starter), I'm afraid I'm not that good at picking out the particularly grand qualities of the style, which is what you want. Eh, what a disappointment I am...

[Apollyon]

The style is good for reminiscence, drugged narration or sense-impairment. It is fine, but should be used in moderation and with specific intent. I enjoyed reading.

[Vanguard3000]

Sorry, although I mainly wanted criticism on the style itself, it does help to know the subject as well.

Starhunter is similar to the show Firely in it's 'space western' basic theme:

[Apollyon]

Furthermore, I'd stress that such style is not created by sparsity of narration, but by the narrational style itself - the narration in Chapter 2 uses extremely short, often mono or diclausal, sentences. Sometimes, as in the very first sentence, these are fragments.