Short story for school

[thomas]

for school we need to write a short story set 50 years in the future, here's the beginnings of mine it's not organized or anything but here's the beginnings:

“Number 42 step forward please,” said the soft female voice over the intercom. Standing in a line of hulking beasts Number 42 walked into the white room to receive his daily injections. Number 42 merely stood there not even showing a slight sign of discomfort as the doctors several stuck 300 cc syringes into his massive back. He was one of the 297 surviving members of the Ogryn project. There were originally 500, 167 died from over doses of the steroids that were injected daily to boost growth of several organs and muscle mass. The other 36 are all either in wheel chairs severely crippled from uncontrolled growth or in comas. Already number 42 weighed 368 pounds, but it was all muscle. He stood 6’7” had a neck as thick as a tire and biceps to match.

The soft female voice came over the intercom once again and said “Number 42 may leave, Number 83 please step forward please”.

[Seal89999]

I would be interested to see the rest when you complete it.

Sounds like these men are like the hulk  :)

[thomas]

here's what I have now:

“Number 42 step forward please,” said the soft female voice over the intercom. Standing in a line of hulking beasts Number 42 walked into the white room to receive his daily injections. Number 42 merely stood there not even showing a slight sign of discomfort as the doctors several stuck 300 cc syringes into his massive back. He was one of the 297 surviving members of the Ogryn project. There were originally 500, 167 died from over doses of the steroids that were injected daily to boost growth of several organs and muscle mass. The other 36 are all either in wheel chairs severely crippled from uncontrolled growth or in comas. Already number 42 weighed 368 pounds, but it was all muscle. He stood 6’7” had a neck as thick as a tire and biceps to match. The soft female voice came over the intercom once again and said “Number 42 may leave, Number 83 please step forward please”

A doctor in a blue scrubs with blue elbow length latex gloves and a white mask directed him to another room where several Doctors stuck sensors all over his massive body making sure each was in the right place before directing him over to a large treadmill. “Number 42 could you please run on the treadmill?” asked one of the doctors. After twenty minutes had past another doctor directing him to the exit “thank you Number 42 you may leave now”

Number 42 exited the large building and walked to the weight room were several Members of project Ogryn were doing squats with the metal bar slightly flexing on the end due to the massive amount of weight stuck on there.

“Alright boys we have reports of large shipment of arms crossing the Sinai Peninsula on it’s way to the city of Ismailia. Right now we have a shortage of troops in that region so were sending you boys in there to take care of things,” said the Sergeant to the large group, each one of them was about 6’7” and weighed around 370 pounds. Due to their large muscle mass the top of their backs extended a few inches above their heads. All of them wore skin tight suits of neoprene covered in a substance similar to that in a LCD television, on the right wrist of the suit was a small square touch pad that allowed them to manipulate the suit to colors to fit the surroundings. Their weapons were massive .60 caliper rifles known as Hell-guns because the bullets had a thin cover jacket of magnesium so the bullets could penetrate flak jackets and kevlar vests easier.

[Seal89999]

So its an elite forces team composed of hulks.....

O this is getting good , more!! :)

[Jack Leaf]

Well, it sounds like it's straight from '50s, but anyway sounds promising.

[thomas]

final has to be 6 pages+  :P

[thomas]

a little update it will be due friday at 8 am PST, it will be over 8 pages and you'll get to read it tomorrow night right now I have 6 1/2+

[thomas]

here's the whole enchilada minus a minor part I might add in later

A Governments Deceit

[shygirl4]

very good scytale , can I be the "soft female voice" in your story ... ::) only one remark I could make , would be the over use of the word "Massive"  I.E. massive finger , massive gun , massive lobster , try and use a different word to massive like , Enormous ,Huge , Giant , Gigantic , Immense , Colossal , Substantial , Great , Mammoth , Considerable , Gargantuan , Oversized (bottle of bud) Vast.

hehe , but I like it.

shy  ::)

[thomas]

I like the word massive, but if you want I could use other words, I typed this over a period of a week, so I forget what specific words I used before

and shy you are the soft female voice