Skeptic's guide to blaming America first

Phage

Posted August 3, 2003

http://www.randi.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&postid=1870031984#post1870031984

If the USA...
Criticizes country X for human rights abuses: say that the US is being hypocritical and just wants to use the criticism as a pretext for threathening country X, no doubt in order to extort lower oil prices from it.
Does not criticize country X for human rights abuses: say that the US is being hypocritical in its claim to stand for human rights, and stands silent and the poor people of country X suffer under their despotic regime, no doubt in order to get lower oil prices from the country's leaders.
(Special case: israel:
If the USA...
criticizes israel for human rights abuses: claim that this proves how evil the jew-- *cough*, *cough*, zionists--are.
does not criticize israel for human rights abuses:claim that this proves how much power the evil jew-- *cough* *cough*, zionists--have to control the US and silence criticism of israel.)
If the USA...
Invades country X: say it is an act of agression, no doubt in order to get oil from the subdued, innocent country X.
Does not invade country X: say it is ignoring the suffering of its people under a despotic regime, no doubt in order to get oil from the evil despotic leaders of country X.
If the USA...
Gives money to country X: Claim this is an attempt to buy off the despotic leaders of the country, in order to keep the people's revolution down, no doubt in order to get cheaper oil from that country's despots.
Does not give money to country X: Claim this is a form of economic pressure on the independent country X, an unfair ignoring of its people's suffering and hunger, no doubt because the country doesn't have oil so the US hearlessly doesn't care if its people starve.
(Special case: israel: imply all help to israel is "blackmail", and/or the result of the secret control by the jew-- *cough*, *cough*, zionists--of all America.)
If the USA...
Signs an internation treaty about something: Claim that the US bullied all the other nations that signed into signing a treaty that is obviously good for the rich and bad for the poor, no doubt in an attempt to force poor countries to sell their oil cheaply to the US.
does not sign an international treaty about something: Claim that the US shows its contempt for the world, refusing to abide by the just and honorable treaty everybody else agrees to, no doubt due to fear that it would mean higher oil prices.
If the USA...
Has its president criticize country X in a speech: claim that this is a case of blackmail, a threat and a warning to another, independent country to come to heel at the US's side, no doubt in order to force it to lower its oil prices.
Has its president praise country X in a speech: claim that this is a case of ignoring the suffering people of coutry X in order to praise their leader, no doubt in order to get lower oil prices from him.
(In both cases, it is obligatory to consider the speech for all possible spelling and grammer errors, and/or--if they don't exist--statements or phrases one doesn't like, to prove the ignorance of the president of the USA of anything.)
If the USA...
Gives country X a 'most favored nation' status: claim that this is a blatant case of the US ignoring nation X's human rights abuses, no doubt in order to appease its despotic leaders so they will sell the US their oil cheaply.
Denies country X a 'most favored nation' status: claim that this is a blatant case of the US refusing nation X's just demands, no doubt in order to apply economic pressure on them to sell their oil cheaper.
If the USA...
Kills enemy troops in a war: Claim, at the same time, that a). the enemy troops were not actually killed, and the "so-called success" is a case of "US propaganda" to make its populace wrongly think they are winning an "unwinnable war", and b). the enemy troops were killed, in larger numbers than the US claims, but they were all really "innocent bystanders" and therefore the US was committing a "war crime".
JHas its own troops killed in a war: Claim that they had it coming, being agents of the imperialistic US thugs. Be willing to explain to their greiving families in detail how their loved ones really just just died for lower oil prices.
(P.S. No need to actually know the first thing about military matters before you criticize. You do not have ever been an officer, or soldier, or even to have seen a military base outside the movies, to psychically know everything the US did wrong in the latest campaign from 10,000 miles away.)